How to Be Calm, Balanced, and Positive, No Matter What’s Going On

by Brenda Shoshanna

Everyone wants to be beautiful, young, healthy, and fit. Available diets and workouts have no end. Yet, the most important diet has been overlooked—this is a diet that releases stress, lets you sleep soundly at night, reduces cravings, makes you feel young, and brings wonderful possibilities into your life. This is a diet that gets rid of the number one toxin that destroys well-being: anger.

Road rage, school shootings, depression, workplace violence, addiction, and even the national obesity epidemic are manifestations of this great problem gripping our society. Anger has many faces. It appears in various forms and creates different consequences. Overt anger is the simplest to deal with and understand, but unfortunately, most anger lurks beneath the surface. As it often does not come to our awareness, it manifests in endless, hidden ways—as depression, anxiety, apathy, or hopelessness, among others.

Today, we fear all kinds of external enemies. It is not so easy to realize, however, that the worst enemy we face is the anger that resides within us, the terror it causes, and the way this poison affects so much of our lives. It is one thing to be told to calm down or to forgive one another. It is another to know how to do this. Even though we may want to forgive, anger can keep arising, disrupting our bodies, minds, and spirits.

However, we can take many specific steps to root this toxin out of our lives. As we do, the results will be reflected not only in our mental and emotional well-being but also in our environment and physical health. Love and forgiveness arise naturally, and our lives and relationships become all they are meant to be.

A Few of the 24 Forms of Anger

The first step in rooting anger out of our lives is to become aware of it. It is crucial that we recognize the many ways in which anger camouflages itself. When anger is allowed to remain camouflaged and hidden, it holds us in its grip. By recognizing the different forms of anger we begin the important step of replacing each one with a healthy antidote, thus letting it go. As we do this, it is easy to see that anger is a choice we make. By choosing to replace our angry responses with life-giving, constructive ones we can stop anger on the spot.

1.Straightforward anger, attack. This is anger that is clear-cut and easy to recognize. The anger comes right out. Many regret it afterward, feeling that they couldn’t control themselves. This kind of anger has a life of its own; it rises like a flash flood and can easily turn into verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

2.Hypocrisy. You are angry, but you hide it beneath a smile and present a false persona, pretending to be someone that you’re not. This behavior evolves into bad faith of all kinds. Although you think that you are fooling others, in truth, you are losing yourself and your own self-respect.

3.Depression. Depression is pervasive these days, and it ranges the gamut from mild to severe. Depression is anger and rage turned against oneself. It comes from not being able to identify or appropriately express the anger one is feeling. It then simply turns into depression attacks against the person who is experiencing it.

Steps to Dissolving Anger

Needless to say, we can take many different steps to undo different forms of anger. The important point to realize is that anger can be dissolved in a moment. We can choose to see things differently. We can choose to have a different response.

It takes only a moment to escalate a situation, and in that same moment the trouble can be de-escalated. We must stop in the middle of automatic anger that arises and take charge of what is going on. We can and must decide that we will not let anger take over and rule. We have the right and responsibility to choose how we will respond.

1.Straightforward attack. Stop in the middle of a situation in which you feel angry or are being attacked. Rather than responding in a knee-jerk manner, say to yourself, “Like me, this person has suffered. Like me, this person wants to be happy. Like me, this person experiences loneliness and loss.” As you do this, you are recognizing the similarities and common humanity you share, rather than focusing on the differences. For a moment, allow the person to be right. You have plenty of time to be right later. Ask yourself what is more important to you, to be “right” or to be free of anger? Choose compassion, and see how you feel. See how the other feels as well. Watch new vistas open in your life.

2.Hypocrisy. When you notice yourself pretending, lying, exaggerating, or deceiving, stop. Tell the truth at that moment. Be the truth. If you do not know what the truth is, be silent, and become aware of what the deepest truth is for you. This does not mean pouring out negativity or blaming the other. It means taking responsibility for what is real and true for you. This will not only restore goodwill; it will also connect you with what is most meaningful in your life.

3.Depression. Make friends with yourself today. When we are depressed, we reject, hate, and blame ourselves. Undo this false state of mind. Find five things you admire and respect about who you are. Focus on sharing your good qualities with another. In depression we are only absorbed with ourselves. A wonderful antidote is to become absorbed with how you can reach out to help another.

As we root anger out of our lives and find meaningful substitutions, not only our lives but the lives of our loved ones, friends, and acquaintances will be lifted and enhanced. Try the full anger diet and see.

** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways.html

Author's Bio
A psychologist, relationship expert, speaker, and author, Dr. Shoshanna has a therapy practice in Manhattan. This article is based on her most recent book, The Anger Diet (30 Days To Stress-Free Living) (http://www.theangerdiet.com). A national speaker, workshop leader, and longtime student and practitioner of meditation, she provides psychological and spiritual guidance for building healthy relationships and becoming all that you are meant to be. Other books include Zen and the Art of Falling in Love, Zen Miracles, Save Your Relationship, and Living By Zen. In addition, Dr. Shoshanna is a frequent guest on radio and TV and runs workshops for couples on working through difficulty and renewing their love. Visit http://www.brendashoshanna.com, or reach her at topspeaker@yahoo.com.

A "Secret" Body Language Women Find Irresistible

I think that the reason you don't "get" this particular concept is because you're trying to fit
what I'm teaching you into your way of seeing the world, instead of the other way around.

You're looking for how I'm WRONG instead of how I'm RIGHT.

And I'll bet you dimes to dollars that you have not spent much time TESTING what you've learned in the real world.

I can sit here all day long and explain to you what it's like to drive a car. I can tell you how it's different steering a car when you're driving 5 miles per hour than it is when you're driving 55
miles per hour... and how it's different to back up because you have to think in reverse...

...and you could ask me questions like "Well, how do you mean it's "backwards" when you back up? Wouldn't it just feel the same?" and "Wouldn't it be distracting to turn your windshield wipers on while it's raining and you're trying to drive?"...

...and I could answer all of your questions...

...OR...

...you could just get in a damn car and go see what it's like to drive!

If you want to "capture this concept" you need to get out in the real world and DO IT.

In your example above, you asked if you're also creating "some sort of negative body language" at the same time by walking away from a woman.

What do you mean by "negative"?

And if it WORKS, WHO CARES?

Do you mean that if you walk away from a girl that you're talking to, are you going to make her
think you don't like her?

GOOD, if she thinks that. Who cares?

If you walk away from a woman because you want to go talk to your friends, it's HER DEAL if she doesn't like it. Not yours.

If, on the other hand, you see your friends, but DON'T go talk to them because you don't want
to offend the girl you're talking to, you're going to probably also give her several clues that
you're a WUSSBAG, and that you don't have any spine or life of your own... and that you like to
live in a way that pleases other people.

And guess what?

That is NOT an attractive quality.

Look...

Everything is a trade-off in one way or another.

Everything involves risk.

Everything you do can backfire.

Most guys are painfully aware of these issues.

But, the problem is that most guys take this knowledge and use it the WRONG WAY.

Instead of doing what WORKS, and not caring if it "backfires" or "fails" in that particular
situation, they do the "safe" thing.

Of course, anytime you "play it safe" around an attractive woman by being a "nice guy" and trying to "follow her lead" you are almost ABSOLUTELY going to do something that's going to backfire on you MOST of the time.

In other words, by playing it safe and being a "nice" guy, you won't get any "negative" responses
or "rejection" in the moment.

But, she's NEVER going to feel ATTRACTION for you, either (unless you look like Brad Pitt, or
you're in ColdPlay).

The answer?

Before I tell you, I want to suggest that you don't understand one other KEY element of creating
ATTRACTION with a woman. And you can learn about that key element by going HERE:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/

Stop worrying about "failing" or doing something that doesn't work.

It doesn't MATTER if you "fail" in a particular situation.

You didn't have anything ANYWAY.

If you want to succeed with attractive women, you're going to have to realize that things don't
work the way they SHOULD work.

Attraction doesn't happen when you're a "nice, appropriate boy."

Here's an example of "being nice" vs. being a guy who lives in his own reality and does what he
wants to do:

You're talking to a girl, and you decide that you like her.

You want to get her phone number and call her sometime.

Nice guy says, "Um, maybe you could give me your number, and I could call you sometime and
take you out".

Guy who lives in his own reality says, "Give me your number" with a tone of voice and body
language that is EXPECTING her to comply.

But, you might say, "Hey, wait a minute here... if you just try and tell her what to do and ASSUME that she's going to go along and give you her number, she might be offended."

Guess what?

You're right.

But, if she's offended, then she wasn't going to go out with you anyway.

On the other hand, if she WAS going to go out with you, the direct "Give me your number" will
make her FAR MORE attracted to you.

Make sense?

In other words, the things that work BEST will get you MUCH BETTER and MUCH WORSE reactions from women.

Women who have boyfriends, are married, are lesbians, or whatever will RUN away... (that is,
if they can overcome their emotional attraction to your communication style).

And women who are available and interested will only feel MORE attracted to you because you are just naturally assuming that you're going to get what you want.

If you really take the time to think about it, and think through the different scenarios, you'll
realize that being direct and assumptive will work better in the long run.

Now, let's talk a bit about the specifics of what it "says" to a woman when you "walk away"
from her in a situation like the one you've described...

You're talking to her for five minutes. She's laughing and you're being Cocky & Funny... you're
teasing her, she's responding by hitting you and opening her mouth with the "Oh-no-you-didn't-just-say-that" look.

You see your friends.

You say, "Hey, good talking to you... I'm going to go talk to my friends" and you walk away.

What happens?

Does she think, "That jackass! I'm so offended that he didn't ask for my number!"?

Does she say to her friend, "That guy is stupid because he could have gotten my number and he
didn't even ask for it"?

Does she immediately walk away and leave?

No, probably not.

In fact, what she will MOST LIKELY do, if you were being interesting and attractive, is think to
herself "What just happened? Why did he leave?
Should I go with him and keep talking to him?
Should I just leave because he probably doesn't like me? Did I say something wrong?"

In other words, she's going to stand there thinking about YOU and what she can do to start
the conversation again.

Really.

Is this creating some kind of "negative tension"?

Yes, it is.

But, it's not the kind of negative tension that makes situations with women go BAD.

It's the OTHER KIND. It's the kind that leads to SEXUAL TENSION and CHEMISTRY.

Now, the BEST thing you can do in a situation like this one is to say "Hey, I'm going to get
back to my friends over there... good talking to you..." and then turn to walk away.

Right after you've "broken the connection" and she's starting to go into the "what just happened
and why is he leaving" mode, you turn BACK around and say "Hey, do you have email?"... then go into the 3 minute email/number technique that I talk about in my ebook and Advanced Series.

Get it?

Another important thought...

When you have to "say" something about who you are as a man, how interesting you are, or how much she should feel attracted to you with WORDS, it automatically creates doubt... because if it was true, then you wouldn't need to SAY it.

It would be OBVIOUS.

In other words, the best way to communicate all of the most IMPORTANT things is through your BODY LANGUAGE.

What most guys try to do is CONVINCE a woman to feel ATTRACTION by telling her all kinds of things about themselves and trying to subtly drop little hints about making money, driving a cool car, etc.

BORING.

And worse, it usually BACKFIRES.

Women can smell the "I'm actually insecure, so I am trying to cover up for it by bragging" rap a
mile away.

It makes them RUN (unless they're out to use you for free food and entertainment).

If you want to say all the right things in the shortest possible time, then you need to learn how
to communicate with body language and voice tone ALONE.

WHAT you say isn't very important at all.

It really isn't.

HOW you say it is EVERYTHING.

Go back through your copy of my Advanced Series and notice all of the subtle body language points that I make, and think about what you've just read... it will pull everything together for you.

As you probably know, I also have a complete program that's dedicated to teaching you how to
use Body Language to create ATTRACTION.

I spend a lot of time going over the specifics of how to communicate beliefs, status, and self-
image in a way that really triggers the "attraction mechanism" inside of women. I'll give you a great introduction on how to use Body Language as well.

...and if you haven't downloaded your copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating" yet, then you need to do that immediately. You can download it right now and be reading it within just a few minutes. It's here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/eBook

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.