Online Relationship Management & Marriage Resources

Unnecessary Talking

2011-04-26T01:27:00.000-07:00

It is reported in al-Musnad, on the authority of Anas, that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "The faith of a servant is not put right until his heart is put right, and his heart is not put right until his tongue is put right." 1

This shows that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam has made the purification of faith conditional on the purification of the heart, and the purification of the heart conditional on the purification of the tongue.

At-Tirmidhi relates in a hadith on the authority of Ibn Umar: "Do not talk excessively without remembering Allah, because such excessive talk without the mention of Allah causes the heart to harden, and the person furthest from Allah is a person with a hard heart." 2

Umar Ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "A person who talks too much is a person who often makes mistakes, and someone who often makes mistakes, often has wrong actions. The Fire has a priority over such a frequent sinner." 3

In a hadith related on the authority of Mu'adh, the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said, "Shall I not tell you how to control all that?" I said, "Yes do, O Messenger of Allah." So he held his tongue between his fingers, and then he said: "Restrain this." I said, "Oh Prophet of Allah, are we accountable for what we say?" He sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said, "May your mother be bereft by your loss! Is there anything more than the harvest of the tongues that throws people on their faces (or he said 'on their noses') into the Fire?" 4

What is meant here by 'the harvest of the tongues' is the punishment for saying forbidden things. A man, through his actions and words, sows the seeds of either good or evil. On the Day of Resurrection he harvests their fruits. Those who sow the seeds of good words and deeds harvest honour and blessings; those who sow the seeds of evil words and deeds reap only regret and remorse.

A hadith related by Abu Huraira says, "What mostly causes people to be sent to the Fire are the two openings: the mouth and the private parts." 5

Abu Huraira also related that the Messenger of Allah sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said, "The servant speaks words, the consequences of which he does not realise, and for which he is sent down into the depths of the Fire further than the distance between the east and the west." 6

The same hadith was transmitted by at-Tirmidhi with slight variations: "The servant says something that he thinks is harmless, and for which he will be plunged into the depths of the Fire as far as seventy autumns." 7

Uqba ibn Amir said: "I said: "O Messenger of Allah, what is our best way of surviving?' He, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, replied: "Guard your tongue, make your house suffice for sheltering your privacy, and weep for your wrong actions." 8

It has been related on the authority of Sahl ibn Sa'd that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said, "Whoever can guarantee what is between his jaws and what is between his legs, I guarantee him the Garden." 9

It has also been related by Abu Huraira, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Let whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day either speak good or remain silent." 10

Thus talking can either be good, in which case it is commendable, or bad, in which case it is haram.

The Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "Everything the children of Adam say goes against them, except for their enjoining good and forbidding evil, and remembering Allah, Glorious and Might is He." This was reported by at-Tirmidhi and Ibn Ma'jah on the authority of Umm Habiba, may Allah be pleased with her. 11

Umar ibn al-Khattab visited Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with them, and found him pulling his tongue with his fingers. Umar said "Stop! may Allah forgive you!" Abu Bakr replied; "This tongue has brought me to dangerous places." 12

Abdullah ibn Mas'ud said: "By Allah, besides Whom no god exists, nothing deserves a long prison sentence more than my tongue." He also used to say: "O tongue, say good and you will profit; desist from saying evil things and you will be safe; otherwise you will find only regret."

Abu Huraira reported that Ibn al-Abbas said: "A person will not feel greater fury or anger for any part of his body on the Day of Judgement more than what he will feel for his tongue, unless he only used it for saying or enjoining good."

Al-Hassan said: "Whoever does not hold his tongue cannot understand his deen."

The least harmful of a tongue's faults is talking about whatever does not concern it. The following hadith of the Prohet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam is enough to indicate the harm of this fault: "One of the merits of a person's Islam is his abandoning what does not concern him." 13

Abu Ubaida related that al-Hassan said: "One of the signs of Allah's abandoning a servant is His making him preoccupied with what does not concern him."

Sahl said, "Whoever talks about what does not concern him is deprived of truthfulness."

As we have already mentioned above, this is the least harmful of the tongue's faults. There are far worse things, like backbiting, gossiping, obscene and misleading talk, two-faced and hypocritical talk, showing off, quarrelling, bickering, singing, lying, mockery, derision and falsehood; and there are many more faults which can affect a servant's tongue, ruining his heart and causing him to lose both his happiness and pleasure in this life, and his success and profit in the next life. Allah is the One to Whom we turn for assistance.

The social aspect of women in Islam

2011-03-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

THE article deals with the various constructive roles (as a daughter, a wife, a mother and a sister-in-faith) a woman plays. It delves into what is essentially required of a woman to play, at times, these roles simultaneously.

As a daughter:

(1) The Qur’an ended the cruel practice of female infanticide, which was before Islam. Allah has said: “And when the female (infant) buried alive (as the pagan Arabs use to do) is questioned: For what sin was she killed.” (Qur’an 81:8-9)

(2) The Qur’an goes further to rebuke the unwelcoming attitude of some parents upon hearing the news of the birth of a baby girl, instead of a baby boy. Allah has said: “And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief. He hides himself from the people because of the evil whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision.” (Qur’an 16:58-59)

(3) Parents are duty-bound to support and show kindness and justice to their daughters. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Whosoever supports two daughters until they mature, he and I will come on the Day of Judgment as this (and he pointed with his fingers held together).”

(4) A crucial aspect in the upbringing of daughters that greatly influences their future is education. Education is not only a right but a responsibility for all males and females. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every Muslim.” The word “Muslim” here is inclusive of both males and females.

(5) Islam neither requires nor encourages female circumcision. And while it may be practiced by some Muslims in certain parts of Africa, it is also practiced by other peoples, including Christians, in those places, a reflection merely of the local customs and practices there.

As a wife:

(1) Marriage in Islam is based on mutual peace, love, and compassion, and not just the mere satisfying of human sexual desire. Among the most impressive verses in the Qur’an about marriage is the following:

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them; and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21, see also 42:11 and 2:228)

(2) A female has the right to accept or reject marriage proposals. According to the Islamic Law, women cannot be forced to marry anyone without their consent.

(3) The husband is responsible for the maintenance, protection, and overall leadership of the family, within the framework of consultation (see the Qur’an 2:233) and kindness (see the Qur’an 4:19). The mutuality and complementary nature of the role of husband and wife does not mean subservience by either party to the other. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) instructed Muslims regarding women: “I command you to be good to women.” And “The best among you are those who are best to their wives.”

The Qur’an urges husbands to be kind and considerate toward their wives, even if a wife falls out of favor with her husband or disinclination for her arises within him:

“...And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” (Qur’an 4:19)

It also outlawed the Arabian practice before Islam whereby the stepson of the deceased father was allowed to take possession of his father’s widow(s) (inherit them) as if they were part of the estate of the deceased (see the Qur’an 4:19).

(4) Should marital disputes arise, the Qur’an encourages couples to resolve them privately in a spirit of fairness and goodness. Indeed, the Qur’an outlines an enlightened step and wise approach for the husband and wife to resolve persistent conflict in their marital life. In the event that dispute cannot be resolved equitably between husband and wife, the Qur’an prescribes mediation between the parties through family intervention on behalf of both spouses (see the Qur’an 4:35).

(5) Divorce is a last resort, permissible but not encouraged, for the Qur’an esteems the preservation of faith and the individual’s right – male and female alike – to felicity. Forms of marriage dissolution include an enactment based upon mutual agreement, the husband’s initiative, the wife’s initiative (if part of her marital contract), the court’s decision on a wife’s initiative (for a legitimate reason), and the wife’s initiative without a cause, provided that she returns her marital gift to her husband. When the continuation of the marriage relationship is impossible for any reason, men are still taught to seek a gracious end for it. The Qur’an states about such cases:

“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or set them free on reasonable basis. But do not take them back to hurt them, and whoever does that, then he has wronged himself.” (Qur’an 2:231, see also 2:229 and 33:49)

(6) Associating polygamy with Islam, as if it was introduced by it or is the norm according to its teachings, is one of the most persistent myths perpetuated in Western literature and media. Polygamy existed in almost all nations and was even sanctioned by Judaism and Christianity until recent centuries. Islam did not outlaw polygamy, as did many peoples and religious communities; rather, it regulated and restricted it. It is not required but simply permitted with conditions (see the Qur’an 4:3). Spirit of law, including timing of revelation, is to deal with individual and collective contingencies that may arise from time to time (e.g. imbalances between the number of males and females created by wars) and to provide a moral, practical, and humane solution for the problems of widows and orphans.

As a mother:

(1) The Qur’an elevates kindness to parents (especially mothers) to a status second to the worship of Allah:

“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say, ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Qur’an 17:23-24, see also 31:14, 46:15, and 29:8)

(2) Naturally, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) specified this behavior for his followers, rendering to mothers an unequalled status in human relationships. A man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship?” The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Your mother.” The man said, “Then who?” The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Then your mother.” The man further asked, “Then who?” The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Then your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said: “Then your father.”

As a sister-in-faith (in general):

(1) According to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): “Women are but shaqa’iq (twin halves or sisters) of men.” This saying is a profound statement that directly relates to the issue of human equality between the genders. If the first meaning of the Arabic word shaqa’iq, “twin halves,” is adopted, it means that the male is worth one half (of society), while the female is worth the other half. If the second meaning, “sisters,” is adopted, it implies the same.

(2) Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) taught kindness, care, and respect toward women in general: “I command you to be good to women.” It is significant that such instruction of the Prophet (pbuh) was among his final instructions and reminders in the farewell pilgrimage address given shortly before his passing away.

(3) Modesty and social interaction: The parameters of proper modesty for males and females (dress and behavior) are based on revelatory sources (the Qur’an and Prophet’s sayings) and, as such, are regarded by believing men and women as divinely-based guidelines with legitimate aims and divine wisdom behind them.They are not male-imposed or socially-imposed restrictions. It is interesting to know that even the Bible encourages women to cover their head: “If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head.” (1 Corinthians 11:6).

The legal and political aspect of women in Islam

(1) Equality before the law: Both genders are entitled to equality before the law and courts of law. Justice is genderless (see the Qur’an 5:38, 24:2, and 5:45). Women do possess an independent legal entity in financial and other matters.

(2) Participation in social and political life: The general rule in social and political life is participation and collaboration of males and females in public affairs (see the Qur’an 9:71).There is sufficient historical evidence of participation by Muslim women in the choice of rulers, in public issues, in law-making, in administrative positions, in scholarship and teaching, and even in the battlefield. Such involvement in social and political affairs was conducted without the participants’ losing sight of the complementary priorities of both genders and without violating Islamic guidelines of modesty and virtue.

Conclusion:

The status which non-Muslim women reached during the present era was not achieved due to the kindness of men or due to natural progress. It was rather achieved through a long struggle and sacrifice on woman’s part and only when society needed her contribution and work, more especially during the two World Wars, and due to the escalation of technological change. While in Islam such compassionate and dignified status was decreed, not because it reflects the environment of the seventh century, nor under the threat or pressure of women and their organizations, but rather because of its intrinsic truthfulness.

If this indicates anything, it would demonstrate the Divine origin of the Qur’an and the truthfulness of the message of Islam, which, unlike human philosophies and ideologies, was far from proceeding from its human environment; a message which established such humane principles that neither grew obsolete during the course of time, nor can become obsolete in the future. After all, this is the message of the All-Wise and All-Knowing God whose wisdom and knowledge are far beyond the ultimate in human thought and progress.

Courtesy: islamreligion.com

Women honor, Self-respect

2011-03-23T01:13:00.000-07:00

IN the midst of the darkness that engulfed the world, the divine revelation echoed in the wide desert of Arabia in the 7th Century with a fresh, noble, and universal message to humanity, described below.

According to the Holy Qur’an, men and women have the same human spiritual nature: “O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women...” (Qur’an 4:1, see also 7:189, 42:11, 16:72, 32:9, and 15:29)

God has invested both genders with inherent dignity and has made men and women, collectively the vicegerents of God on earth (see the Qur’an 17:70 and 2:30).

The Qur’an does not blame woman for the “fall of man,” nor does it view pregnancy and childbirth as punishments for “eating from the forbidden tree.” On the contrary, the Qur’an depicts Adam and Eve as equally responsible for their sin in the Garden, never singling out Eve for blame. Both repented, and both were forgiven (see the Qur’an 2:36-37 and 7:19-27). In fact, in one verse (Qur’an 20:121) Adam specifically was blamed. The Qur’an also esteems pregnancy and childbirth as sufficient reasons for the love and respect due to mothers from their children (Qur’an 31:14 and 46:15).

Men and women have the same religious and moral duties and responsibilities. Each human being shall face the consequences of his or her deeds: “So their Lord accepted of them (their supplication and answered them), ‘Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female. You are (members) one of another...” (Qur’an 3:195, see also 74:38, 16:97, 4:124, 33:35, and 57:12)

The Qur’an is quite clear about the issue of the claimed superiority or inferiority of any human, male or female. The sole basis for superiority of any person over another is piety and righteousness, not gender, color, or nationality (see the Qur’an 49:13).

The economic status of women in Islam

The right to possess personal property: Islam decreed a right of which woman was deprived both before Islam and after it (even as late as this century), the right of independent ownership. The Islamic Law recognizes the full property rights of women before and after marriage. They may buy, sell, or lease any or all of their properties at will.For this reason, Muslim women may keep (and in fact they have traditionally kept) their maiden names after marriage, an indication of their independent property rights as legal entities.

Financial security and inheritance laws: Financial security is assured for women. They are entitled to receive marital gifts without limit and to keep present and future properties and income for their own security, even after marriage. No married woman is required to spend any amount at all from her property and income on the household.

The woman is entitled also to full financial support during marriage and during the “waiting period” (iddah) in case of divorce or widowhood. Some jurists require, in addition, one year’s support in the advent of divorce and widowhood (or until they remarry, if remarriage takes place before the year is over).

A woman who bears a child in marriage is entitled to child support from the child’s father. Generally, a Muslim woman is guaranteed support in all stages of her life, as a daughter, wife, mother, or sister.

The financial advantages accorded to women and not to men in marriage and in family have a social counterpart in the provisions that the Qur’an lays down in the laws of inheritance, which afford the male, in most cases, twice the inheritance of a female. Males do not always inherit more; at times a woman inherits more than a man. In instances where the men inherit more, they ultimately are financially responsible for their female relatives: their wives, daughters, mothers, and sisters. Females inherit less but retain their share for investment and financial security, without any legal obligation to spend any part of it, even for their own sustenance (food, clothing, housing, medication, etc).

It should be noted that before Islam, women themselves were sometimes objects of inheritance (see the Qur’an 4:19). In some Western countries, even after the advent of Islam, the whole estate of the deceased was given to his/her eldest son. The Qur’an, however, made it clear that both men and women are entitled to a specified share of the estate of their deceased parents or close relatives. Allah has said: “There is a share for men and a share for women from what is left by parents and those nearest related, whether the property be small or large – a legal share.” (Qur’an 4:7)

Employment

With regard to the woman’s right to seek employment, it should be stated first that Islam regards her role in society as a mother and a wife as her most sacred and essential one. Neither maids nor baby-sitters can possibly take the mother’s place as the educator of an upright, complex-free, and carefully-reared child. Such a noble and vital role, which largely shapes the future of nations, cannot be regarded as idleness. However, there is no decree in Islam that forbids women from seeking employment whenever there is a necessity for it, especially in positions which fit her nature best and in which society needs her most. Examples of these professions are nursing, teaching (especially children), medicine, and social and charitable work.

Concluded

Courtesy:islamreligion.com

Got Question? Get Answer.

2010-12-14T01:54:00.000-08:00

Islam

Something Mild.. Old Email Stuff.. "Alpha-Q Your Personality" :)

2010-12-08T01:29:00.000-08:00

1. By Name

Does your name begin with: A?
U are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints & you never pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating; otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very practical, & not very emotional. Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied & egoistic.
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Does your name begin with: B?
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an statement of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your statement of endearments, and particular when it comes to love. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite & feelings. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.
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Does your name begin with: C?
You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.
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Does your name begin with: D?
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement's, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp & talented often with sense of humor. When people bother to look deep inside they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper.
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Does your name begin with: E?
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to a lover.
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Does your name begin with: F?
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favorite fantasy past time. You can be a very generous lover.
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Does your name begin with: G?
You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active-never tiring out. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to people.
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Does your name begin with: H?
You seek a mate who can enhance your zest for life, fun & everything you seek for. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. You are very affectionate & very strong. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be very careful with your every move and equally cautious in your involvements often, as you believe that you have to look out for yourself. You are a sensual and patient lover. You will hold off till everything meets your full approval. You are a perfectionist, hard to satisfy and strong in your beliefs. Not influential, you always stand your ground. People can always count on you to stand by them in a crisis. You are a dreamer with a passion for life.
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Does your name begin with: I?
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated...even worshiped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking spend hours just touching feeling & exploring. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of statement. You bore easily and thus require adventure and change. Your commitments don't last very long & you often tend to stray. Loyalty is not one of your strong points. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.
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Does your name begin with: J?
You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for a good cause there is nothing to stop you, except maybe that they aren't always used for the good. ( you could dance all night.) You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game. You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long- distance relationships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. You have a need to be nurtured deep within.
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Does your name begin with: K?
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured & sweet, which is found to be
attractive by many. You are a good friend.
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Does your name begin with: L?
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your statement of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.
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Does your name begin with: M?
You may appear innocent, unassuming and shy; but we know that appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. You can be highly critical of your mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. You are often selfish, thinking you are always right no matter what. You never give in. Winning is your prime desire- at any cost. You often forget friends and family and you live for the moment.
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Does your name begin with: N?
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.
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Does your name begin with: O?
You are very interested in fun activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money and/or seeking we. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Love is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity and is willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.
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Does your name begin with: P?
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.
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Does your name begin with: Q?
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people because of their ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going.
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Does your name begin with: R?
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.
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Does your name begin with: S?
For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet. You like being
the center of attention. You are very caring, sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

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Does your name begin with: T?
You are very sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. You like someone who takes the lead. Music, soft lights & romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize & tend to fall in & out of love soon. When in love you are romantic, idealistic, mushy & extremely. You enjoy having your senses & your feelings stimulated, titillated & teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. Once you put your mind to something you manage to stand by it and see your dreams through. You aren't very good at expressing your feelings. You like things your own way. You do not like change; you like to hold on to things. This may not always be good because if given an opportunity things may develop into great things. You work your way to the top. Attention must be given to what others say because even though you don't want to hear it their advice may turn ! out to save your life.
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Does your name begin with: U?
You are enthusiastic & at you're happiest when in love. When not in love you're in love with love and always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as challenge. You are a roamer & needs adventure, excitement freedom. You enjoy giving gifts & looking good. You
are willing to put others feelings above yours.
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Does your name begin with: V?
You are individualistic & you need freedom, space & excitement. You wait till you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching her/him out. You feel a need to get into his/her head to see hat makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. You believe that age is no barrier. You are good at responding to danger, fear & suspense.
________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: W?
You are very proud, determined & refuses to take no for an answer when it come to love. Your ego is at stake all the time. You are romantic, idealistic, often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner for who she or he really is. You feel deeply about love & tends to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You like laying love games.
________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: X?
You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.
________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: Y?
You are sensual & very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However if you can make money you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.
________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: Z?
You are very romantic but show feels that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate & attracting people who have unusual trouble. You see yourself as a lover's savior.

2. By Month

alpha-Q@yahoogroups.com

JANUARY
*Ambitious and serious *Loves to teach and be taught *Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses *Likes to criticize *Hardworking and productive *Smart, neat and organised *Sensitive and has deep thoughts *Knows how to make others happy *Quiet unless excited or tensed *Rather reserved *Highly attentive *Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds *Romantic but has difficulties expressing love *Loves children *Homely person *Loyal *Needs to improve social abilities *Easily jealous.

FEBRUARY
*Abstract thoughts *Loves reality and abstract *Intelligent and clever *Changing personality *Temperamental *Quiet, shy and humble *Low self esteem *Honest and loyal *Determined to reach goals *Loves freedom *Rebellious when restricted *Loves aggressiveness *Too sensitive and easily hurt *Showing anger easily *Dislike unnecessary things *Loves making friends but rarely shows it *Daring and stubborn *Ambitious *Realizing dreams and hopes *Sharp *Loves entertainment and leisure *Romantic on the inside not outside *Superstitious and ludicrous *Spendthrift *Learns to show emotions.

MARCH
*Attractive personality *Affectionate *Shy and reserved *Secretive *Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic *Loves peace and serenity *Sensitive to others *Loves to serve others *Not easily angered *Trustworthy *Appreciative and returns kindness *Observant and assess others *Revengeful *Loves to dream and fantasize *Loves traveling *Loves attention *Hasty decisions in choosing partners *Loves home decors *Musically talented *Loves special things *Moody.

APRIL
*Active and dynamic *Decisive and haste but tends to regret *Attractive and affectionate to oneself *Strong mentality *Loves attention *Diplomatic *Consoling *Friendly and solves people's problems *Brave and fearless *Adventurous *Loving and caring *Suave and generous *Emotional *Revengeful *Aggressive *Hasty *Good memory *Moving *Motivate oneself and the others *Sickness usually of the head and chest *Easily get too jealous.

MAY
*Stubborn and hard-hearted *Strong-willed and highly motivated *Sharp thoughts *Easily angered *Attracts others and loves attention *Deep feelings *Beautiful physically and mentally *Firm standpoint *Easily influenced *Needs no motivation *Easily consoled *Systematic (left brain) *Loves to dream *Strong clairvoyance *Understanding *Sickness usually in the ear and neck *Good imagination *Good debating skills *Good physical *Weak breathing *Loves literature and the arts *Loves traveling *Dislike being at home *Restless *Hardworking *High spirited *Spendthrift

JUNE
*Thinks far with vision *Easily influenced by kindness *Polite and soft-spoken *Having lots of ideas *Sensitive *Active mind *Hesitating *Tends to delay *Choosy and always wants the best *Temperamental *Funny and humorous *Loves to joke *Good debating skills *Talkative *Daydreamer *Friendly *Knows how to make friends *Abiding *Able to show character *Easily hurt *Prone to getting colds *Loves to dress up *Easily bored *Fussy *Seldom show emotions *Takes time to recover when hurt *Brand conscious *Executive *Stubborn *Those who loves me are enemies *Those who hates me are friends.

JULY
*Fun to be with *Secretive *Difficult to fathom and to be understood *Quiet unless excited or tensed *Takes pride in oneself *Has reputation *Easily consoled *Honest *Concern about people's feelings *Tactful *Friendly *Approachable *Very emotional *Temperamental and unpredictable *Moody and easily hurt *Witty and starkly *Sentimental *Not revengeful *Forgiving but never forgets *Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things *Guides others physically and mentally *Sensitive and forms impressions carefully *Caring and loving *Treats others equally *Strong sense of sympathy *Wary and sharp *Judge people through observations *Hardworking *No difficulties in studying *Loves to be alone *Always broods about the past and the old friends *Likes to be quiet *Homely person *Waits for friends *Never looks for friends *Not aggressive unless provoked *Prone to having stomach and dieting problems *Loves to be loved *Easily hurt but takes long to recover *Overly concerned *Puts in effort in work.

AUGUST
*Loves to joke *Attractive *Suave and caring *Brave and fearless *Firm and has leadership qualities *Knows how to console others *Too generous and egoistic *Take high pride of oneself *Thirsty for praises *Extraordinary spirit *Easily angered *Angry when provoked *Easily jealous *Observant *Careful and cautious *Thinks quickly *Independent thoughts *Loves to lead and to be led *Loves to dream *Talented in the arts, music and defense *Sensitive but not petty *Poor resistance against illnesses *Learns to relax *Hasty and rusty *Romantic *Loving and caring *Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER
*Suave and compromising *Careful, cautious and organized *Likes to point out people's mistakes *Likes to criticize *Quiet but able to talk well *Calm and cool *Kind and sympathetic *Concerned and detailed *Trustworthy, loyal and honest *Does work well *Sensitive *Thinking *Good memory *Clever and knowledgeable *Loves to look for information *Must control oneself when criticizing *Able to motivate oneself *Understanding *Secretive *Loves sports, leisure and traveling *Hardly shows emotions *Tends to bottle up feelings *Choosy especially in relationships *Loves wide things *Systematic.

OCTOBER
*Loves to chat *Loves those who loves him *Loves to takes things at the center *Attractive and suave *Inner and physical beauty *Does not lie or pretend *Sympathetic *Treats friends importantly *Always making friends *Easily hurt but recovers easily *Bad tempered *Selfish *Seldom helps unless asked *Daydreamer *Very opinionated *Does not care of what others think *Emotional *Decisive *Strong clairvoyance *Loves to travel, the arts and literature *Soft-spoken, loving and caring *Romantic *Touchy and easily jealous *Concerned *Loves outdoors *Just and fair *Spendthrift and easily influenced *Easily lose confidence.

NOVEMBER
*Has a lot of ideas *Difficult to fathom *Thinks forward *Unique and brilliant *Extraordinary ideas *Sharp thinking *Fine and strong clairvoyance *Can become good doctors *Careful and cautious *Dynamic in personality *Secretive *Inquisitive *Knows how to dig secrets *Always thinking *Less talkative but amiable *Brave and generous *Patient *Stubborn and hard-hearted *If there is a will, there is a way *Determined *Never give up *Hardly become angry unless provoked *Loves to be alone *Thinks differently from others *Sharp-minded *Motivates oneself *Does not appreciate praises *High-spirited *Well-built and tough *Deep love and emotions *Romantic *Uncertain in relationships *Homely *Hardworking *High abilities *Trustworthy *Honest and keeps secrets *Not able to control emotions *Unpredictable.

DECEMBER
*Loyal and generous *Patriotic *Active in games and interactions *Impatient and hasty *Ambitious *Influential in organizations *Fun to be with *Loves to socialize *Loves praises *Loves attention *Loves to be loved *Honest and trustworthy *Not pretending *Short tempered *Changing personality *Not egoistic *Takes high pride in oneself *Hates restrictions *Loves to joke *Good sense of humor *Logical.

3. By Date

alpha-Q@yahoogroups.com

If your birthday is on.. Scroll down to find out about your nature..

December 23rd - January 1st	Red
January 2nd - January 11th	Orange
January 12th - January 24th	Yellow
January 25th - February 3	Pink
February 4th - February 8th	Blue
February 9th - February 18th	Green
February 19th - February 28th	Brown
March1st - Match 10th	Aqua
March 11 - March 20th	Lime
March 21 st	Black
March 22 nd - March 31st	Purple
April 1st - April 10th	Navy
April 11th - April 20th	Silver
April 21st - April 30th	White
May 2nd - May 14th	Blue
May 15th - May 24th	Gold
May 25th - June 3rd	Cream
June 4th - June13th	Gray
June 14 - June 23rd	Maroon
June 24th	Gray
June 25 - July 4th	Red
July 5th - July 14th	Orange
July 15th - July 25 th	Yellow
July 26th - August 4 th	Pink
August 5th - August 13th	Blue
August 14th - August 23rd	Green
August 24 - September 2nd	Brown
September 3rd - September12th	Aqua
September 13th - September 22nd	Lime
September 23rd	Olive
September 24th - October 3rd	Purple
October 4th - October 13th	Nave
October 14th - October 23rd	Silver
October 24 - November 11th	White
November 12th - November 21st	Gold
November 22nd - December1st	Cream
December 2nd - December11th	Gray
December 12th - December 21st	Maroon
December 22nd	Teal

RED
Cute and lovable type, you are picky but always in love ...and liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable with people, nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel comfortable.

CREAM
Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out-going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long long time.

TEAL
You are mostly interested in your looks. And have high standards in picking love. You think and make a solution precisely, and hardly make stupid mistakes. You like to lead, and is easy for you to make new friends.

GREY
You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings, and express everything that's inside. But can be selfish at times. You want to be noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up people's day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have a good sense of humor.

GREEN
You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words... You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for the right person.

GOLD
You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and out going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.

PINK
You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and care for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts, and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale.

YELLOW
You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong leadership towards relationships. You make good decision and make the right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of romantic relationship.

MAROON
You are intelligent, and know what's right. You like to take things go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble or not thinking about other people's feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love... Once you get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.

ORANGE
You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the right friend, you trust them for ever.

PURPLE
You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go for person that's trustworthy.

LIME
You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jealous easily, and complain over little things. You can't get stuck into one thing, but you have a capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.

SILVER
You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new things. You like to challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and like "Hard to get". Your love life is normally hard and confusing.

WHITE
You dream and have goals in your life. You get jealous easily and you don't react to things easily. You are different and sometimes thought highly by others.

OLIVE
You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and family. You don't like violence and know what's right. You are kind and cheerful, but don't envy other people easily.

BROWN
You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to become close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get something, you give up and let go easily as well.

BLUE
You have low self-esteem, and very picky. You are artistic and like to fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your heart.

NAVY
You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling towards everything. And very easily distracted. Once you get angry at someone, it's hard for you to forgive them.

AQUA
Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are always lonely, and like travelling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too easily. It's hard to find love for you, and you get lost in love easily. Sometimes you get hurt by love.

BLACK
You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don't like changes in your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.

4. By Signing Style

alpha-Q@yahoogroups.com

SINGLE UNDERLINE BELOW THE SIGN
These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are a little bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life".

TWO DOTS BELOW THE SIGN
These persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their fiancées as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other persons & they themselves try to look beautiful. They easily attract others.

SINGLE DOT BELOW THE SIGN
These persons are more inclined towards classical arts, simple & are very cool. If you loose faith with them, then these persons will never look back at you. Hence its always better to be careful with these people.

NO UNDERLINES OR DOTS BELOW THE SIGN
These persons enjoy their life in their own way, never pay attention to others views. These are considered to be good natured but are selfish too.

RANDOM SIGN, NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN
These persons try to be very smart, hide each & every matter, never say anything in straight forward manner, never pay attention to the other person of what he is talking of.

RANDOM SIGN, SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN
These persons are considered to be intelligent but never think. These people change their ideas & views as fast as the wind changes its direction of flow. They never think whether that particular thing is right or wrong. You can win them just by flattering them.

SIGN IN PRINTED LETTERS
These persons are very kind to us, have a good heart, selfless, are ready to sacrifice their life for the sake of their near & dear. But these seems to think a lot and may get angry very soon.

WRITING COMPLETE NAME AS THEIR SIGN
These persons are very kind hearted, can adjust themselves to any environment & to the person they are talking. These persons are very firm on their views & posses a lot of will power.

Personality Test

Got Closure? How to Move Forward Powerfully and Positively - By Lissa Coffey

2010-11-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

Each of us experiences some kind of loss in this lifetime. People come and go from our lives, whether by choice or circumstance. How we cope with these events affects how we move forward, how we see the world, and how we feel about our lives.

I'm not the only person to have been through a divorce. When my first marriage ended after 17 years, I thought I handled it well. It was an amicable parting, and we maintained a friendly relationship. But then a few years later my sister's husband died unexpectedly. My grief brought up new emotions, and I felt sad and angry and hurt as I relived the divorce in my mind. I realized through this experience that although I had moved on, I hadn't really gotten over it; I didn't have closure. I saw the parallels between my sister's loss and my own, and I actively sought to come up with a formula through which we could both alleviate our pain.

Relationships take many forms: marriage, friendships, family, co-workers, classmates, lovers. Whenever two people have some kind of a connection, a relationship is established. Our energy goes into these connections, our emotions, our hopes, our human vulnerabilities. A relationship is an organism itself, and it can have a life cycle. But since relationship is a spiritual organism, it doesn't die. It merely changes shape. The relationships we build with the people we encounter continue in spirit, in memories, and in lessons learned.

We are invested in our relationships with other people. We spend our time, and emotions, developing a kind of bond with a person. We give of ourselves, through our love, our friendship, our concern, and our efforts.

When we are faced with what seems to be the "end" of a relationship, we may feel loss, grief, anger or pain. We might even feel relief, or freedom. We may question the purpose for this change, whether it is abrupt or expected, and the necessity of it. The change may or may not be our choice, or our desire, but something we must learn to live with. The uneasiness may nag at us for years as we struggle to understand. How do we get that "closure" that our hearts and minds so desperately seek so that we can move forward with our lives?

We need to shift our perspective a little bit when it comes to relationships. In our human form, we see the illusion of death, and the ending of relationships. But what really takes place is a transformation. As we learn and grow through our relationships, our relationships evolve. We can use this evolution as an opportunity for continued growth, and for personal transformation. The pains that we feel are growing pains. However a relationship changes, whether it is a loss from physical death, a divorce, a move away, a growing up, or a falling out, we can not only survive, but thrive, knowing that everything, always, is exactly the way it is meant to be.

A Natural Law works whether we are aware of it or not. It is a principle of nature that is in effect at all times, without favoritism. Gravity is a natural law. It works the same for everyone, at all times. By being aware of gravity, we can move about more freely, with less risk of pain from falling down.

The Law of Relationship is two-fold. It says:

1) We are all connected.

2) We are here to help each other.

We are all connected in one way or another. We feel the same emotions; we share the same experiences. We are brothers and sisters on this planet. This connection bonds us, and gives us a relationship with each other. A mother in any part the world, can relate to another mother she has never seen because she knows what it means, and how it feels, to be a mother. We are all born the same way, and have to learn how to walk and talk and find our way in the world. We face challenges and heartache, no matter where we live, or how we live. Our connection cannot be broken.

With our challenges and experiences we learn and grow. Our relationships bring us many challenges and experiences, and through our relationships we learn and grow. This is how we help each other. We may not even know that we are doing it, but just by being in a person's life, in some small way, we are contributing to the learning process, as they are contributing to ours. Our actions affect other people in ways we can't even imagine. Even in times when we feel hurt by someone, that is an opportunity for us to learn and grow. We might not realize it in the moment, but in some strange and miraculous way, we are helping each other by going through this experience together.

Closure is different than grief. Grieving is looking back; closure is about looking ahead. We want to let go and move on. This is what closure gives us. We may have gone through the grieving process and still not have the closure we seek. The law of relationship helps us to maneuver our way through the five set process of closure: Recognition, Acceptance, Understanding, Integration, and Gratitude. When we reach a feeling of gratitude, we know we've come full circle to experience closure.

Closure is actually the perfect word for it. It's more than neatly tying up loose ends. Think about life as a series of events and relationships, all linked together in some sort of artistic way, like a beautiful piece of jewelry. We can't wear a necklace or a bracelet if the chain is just left dangling. The jewelry maker finishes off the piece by adding a clasp, one loop that kind of ties together the beginning and the end, the start and the finish, so that what we are left with is one strong continuous chain. Our closure is that clasp. Closure helps it all make sense. It turns something seemingly broken into something useful, purposeful, and lovely.

About the Author:

Lissa Coffey is the author of CLOSURE and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings.

Happily Ever After?

2010-11-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

Wedded bliss doesn't have to be hard to achieve... and other surprises about marriage

Sally Deneen October 14, 2010

We’re stressed. We’re overworked or looking for work. We’re worried about paying the bills, the mortgage, the kids’ college tuitions. We’re trying to do the best for our families, and in some cases, looking out for aging parents, too. All this takes a toll on the very thing that should provide strength and comfort: our marriages.

Intimacy? Who has time? Who has energy? Communication? Sure, we talk. You pick up the kids and I’ll stop for groceries.

Marriages are straining under the pressure. But the last thing we have time for is working on our relationships. Or is it?

Almost everyone has an opinion about marriage and relationships. Just ask Dear Abby or your mother-in-law. Much of the advice comes in sound bites, in reaction to the crises of the day: layoffs, health issues, infidelity or, ahem, diminished libido. Of those eager to render opinions on your marriage, few have done real research to gain an understanding of exactly how couples do succeed in building stronger, more intimate relationships.

We spoke with such experts, who were happy to report a few surprises—pleasant ones—resulting from their research. Sorry, there’s no magic bullet, even in a little blue pill. But listen to this: By paying attention to the little things, you’ll strengthen your marriage. Another surprise: A happier marriage doesn’t necessarily require a long, difficult process.

“This is amazing news for couples who want to make their marriages better, but who falsely believe the journey will be long, arduous, complicated and filled with land mines,” says Terri Orbuch, an author, radio host and director of a landmark government-funded long-term research study of 373 married couples.

That said, don’t you think you have a little time to invest in improving your marriage? Then read on.

Do address the little things.

“I think the most surprising thing to me: The couples in my study said they sweat the small stuff. That’s opposite from what we’re hearing in the media,” says Orbuch, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great and host of The Love Doctor weekly radio show. She advises couples to address small things that irk them. Example: One spouse throws socks on the floor or doesn’t put dishes in the dishwasher. If you don’t deal with small issues when they occur, minor annoyances can snowball. “Don’t let it fester inside you,” Orbuch says. “Don’t let it accumulate over time. What starts small becomes big.”

Couples who have dealt with the little things are better able to handle bigger challenges outside the relationship, she says, such as job loss, financial difficulties, even the health of a parent. In fact, they grow closer during hardships.

Do or say small things every single day to show your partner is special.

To be happy in a relationship, you need to give “affective affirmation,” in Orbuch’s parlance. Translation: Turn on the coffee pot. Send a greeting card. Give a kiss on the cheek. Or do it with words: “I love you,” “You make me feel special,” “I would still choose you if I had to do it over again.”

“Men crave and need affective affirmation from their wives more than wives need it,” Orbuch says. Women can get support from other people while men rarely ever hear anyone else say, “I love your suit!” So men really crave affirmation from wives. Significantly, when men don’t get it, they look elsewhere, Orbuch’s research found, and when that happens, a couple is two times more likely to be divorced.

Don’t overlook an expression of affection.

Men might fix the car or repair a kitchen cabinet to show they care, and they expect women to show they care in similar active ways, Orbuch says. But women are the opposite—they use words and phrases to show they care, and they expect their sweethearts to do the same. Moral: Recognize that men and women tend to operate differently when it comes to showing each other they’re special. Make sure you’re not missing what your mate sees as a loving gesture.

Practice the 10-minute rule.

Every single day, talk with your spouse for at least 10 minutes about something other than these four things—work, family, chores or your relationship, Orbuch suggests. Most people think they’re communicating all the time with their spouses, but what they’re really doing is maintaining the household by deciding who’s going to pick up the kids, who’s going to call mom, who’s going to get the groceries. They’re not really communicating.

Communication is when you share intimate thoughts, goals and dreams. Topic ideas: What are you most proud of doing in the last year? If you had all the money in the world, what would you like to do and why? What do you regret doing? Who were you closest to when you were growing up—mom or dad? Those are the kinds of questions you asked when you were first dating. And that’s the level of intimacy you want to re-create to transform your relationship and to really create happiness as you begin to know what makes your partner tick, Orbuch says.

Get out of your rut.

Join a gym together for the first time, start a new dance class, get up early to take a nature hike. Upset the routine enough to make your partner sit up and take notice. Here’s why: All relationships have ruts, and couples who stay in those ruts see happiness erode over time. To Orbuch’s surprise, a lot of couples are bored with each other and have been for a long time. Just the mere fact of being bored leads to unhappiness—“and we forget that.” For a great, successful relationship, you need to implement change or knock your partner off-kilter just a little bit to get out of that boredom. Example: One wife took her husband around the city for a treasure hunt. She kept giving him clues about the next place to go on the search. That added a lot of excitement. Adrenalin-producing activities are good—go to an amusement park, watch a scary movie. Try something new that’s a little beyond both partners’ comfort zones; as long as you’re both game for the adventure, it’s likely to bring you closer.

Don’t believe in fairytales.

Stop buying into relationship myths. The biggest reason couples split up isn’t sex, conflict or lack of communication—instead, it’s frustration, Orbuch says. Specifically, frustration from unrealistic expectations about love, the opposite sex and relationships. Examples: Relationships should be full of passion. A perfect marriage has no conflict. You need to talk about challenges and problems often if you want to be happy. When you believe myths like these, “you get really frustrated. Frustration is one of the leading reasons why people are unhappy,” Orbuch says. Solution: Sit down with your partner and write down your top two expectations. Switch papers. Discuss what the deal-breakers are. What are yours? What’s realistic?

Fight fair.

Money problems aren’t a predictor for divorce—it’s how you handle and manage conflict in general that is important. Find the right time to bring up a source of conflict—not as soon as your spouse walks in the door from work, but instead make an appointment to talk about things more formally. Address specific behaviors. Be ready to compromise. Apologize to each other, even if you didn’t start the argument. Don’t belittle. Orbuch’s research finds that couples who resolve conflicts in an unhealthy way are less likely to stay married.

Don’t focus on the negative.

It’s important to make time for positive activities—don’t just focus on eliminating the negative. “A mistake many couples make—as do many couples therapists, I might add—is that they focus on the negative. What’s wrong with the marriage, they ask? How can we fix it?” Orbuch writes in 5 Simple Steps. The most effective way to boost happiness in a basically sound marriage is to add new elements to the marriage and strengthen what’s already working pretty well. Plan time for fun, friendships and sensuality.

"Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough." —Oprah Winfrey

Relationship and Marriage

5TPK3WC8QHDF

SPEND QUIET TIME TOGETHER

2010-11-13T22:15:00.000-08:00

Our lives are so busy that work and family responsibilities preclude very much quiet time with our mates. We are so weary when we finally fall into bed that we seldom take the time to really talk to each other or to nurture that specialness that is ours alone.

Look at your schedule and see where some quiet time together can be stolen from the world. If you needed to arrange an important meeting, you would make time. If you had a child in the hospital, you would most certainly make the time to spend hours there.

The time required doesn’t have to be huge. The commitment to make that time does. This is the most important person in your life, not someone to be relegated to a list, somewhere below a business requirement and the PTA.

Snatch an hour here and an hour there just to be alone with your love, nurturing the uniqueness of the two of you. Take the kids to their grandparents or get a babysitter. Turn off your blackberry and your cell phone.

You can use your uninterrupted time to do anything you enjoy. Take a walk, or a drive, and talk about yourselves. Play word games or trivia on the Internet, laughing and communicating with each other as you did when you were dating so long ago. Listen to music that was popular when you met and reminisce about the good old days.

Talk about movies you’ve seen, books you’ve read, sports, politics, or national events. Talk about plans for the future and how you see your lives together in a year, five years, ten. Talk about your problems and what you can do together to resolve them.

Plan when your next time together will be and what you are going to do. And do it.

Marriage

How To Be A Nice Guy And Still Get Laid

2010-09-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

-- by Mike Pilinski --

© 2003 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved
http://www.highstatusmale.com/

I suppose I could have titled this article "Why Do Women Show Absolutely No Romantic Interest In A Nice Guy (Like Me) Even Though They All Claim To Want To Meet A Nice Guy (Like Me)?"

Whew! Well, maybe not. It sure is tempting though -- because in my unexpected career as the internet's new "Dear Mr. Abby", I've gotten some basic form of that question many times over in the past few months, and I'm getting sick of it. So in the interest of suppressing my e-mail a little bit, let me show you my theory of why it is that nice guys are scorned by women everywhere, and how to get around this social handicap without having to take night courses in "How to be a Jerk" at your local community college (although I hear they ARE a great place to meet sexy young women... ;-)

I'm sure you know the infuriating mantra that you've heard time and again from women --either in person or on all these stupid afternoon talk shows: "...But Oprah, there's no one to date out there, all the guys are all such jerks and losers. I just want to meet a nice guy..." Oh how they love to whine.

Well if you consider yourself to be the "nice guy" these women swear they're looking for, but you strike-out with all but the very lowest end of the female food chain anyway, then you know what royal bull**** this declaration really is. Nonetheless -- despite the fact that most of the feral women (18-35) actually date & screw the drunken lowlifes and pricks they claim to hate -- they seem determined to drill it into our heads that this happens ONLY because the right "nice guy" hasn't come-a-stumbln' into their life yet. Rrrrr-ight.

Ok, here's what's REALLY going on. As usual, women are talking in code. (They are famous for this).

When women imagine "nice guys" in their minds, what they're really dreaming about is a guy who makes them feel SAFE... but in a very *special* sort of way that preserves his male sexual attractiveness. Actually, this is not very mysterious when you think about it from the *female* perspective. To a woman, a safe guy means ONLY that you're physically harmless -- nothing more. In terms of what you could do to her emotions, well... that's a different story.

This blend of hot n' cold, exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is what she is REALLY searching for -- this is what she *lives* for. It's what she thinks of as having 'chemistry' with a guy.

The problem with being overtly nice or lap-doggishly friendly and accommodating with women is that it communicates the worse kind of SUBLIMINAL message to them. (P.S. Everything IMPORTANT that goes on between men and women in the early stages of all romantic-sexual encounters is always communicated NON-verbally. Words may be the power tools of seduction -- but it's what you DON'T actually say with words that will make or break you!). Anyway, this lousy subliminal messaging is the key to why nice guys rarely get laid.
Here's why:

'Nice-guy' behavior is NOT something that women see you as "switching on" in their presence like some well-meaning but fumbled attempt to impress them. Instead, they believe that you've been TRAINED (yes, like a f***ing dog) by other, *more powerful* men in your world to act this way!

In other words, 'nice guy' is how subservient men have learned to act in the presence of stronger men in order to protect themselves from harm ("I am no threat to your status as the more dominant male... please don't hurt me... let me be your harmless, lovable side-kick..."). To women, then, "niceness" is a screaming red flashing signal of LOW MALE STATUS, and therefore...

...it is an ENORMOUS TURN OFF to them!

This is why they can't develop any sexual energy (i.e., chemistry) with nice guys, and with good reason. Nature has hardwired the female brain to seek out the most powerful male to mate with in order to produce the strongest offspring with the best chance to survive. It's the same reason why men have been hardwired to chase after women who display physical signs of youthfulness (because youthfulness = reproductive success, or viewed the other way around... old ladies = reproductive failure... i.e., no eggs left in the carton, to put it bluntly). While male and female ACTIONS may be completely different, their GOALS remain the same -- strong healthy babies to carry forth the species. This is so because "maleness" and "femaleness" are really just two different but complimentary STRATEGIES for reproduction -- and men and women are compelled to behave differently in order to executed these dissimilar strategies on one another.

You see, Nature doesn't care about hurting people's feelings -- it cares ONLY about reproductive success in order to keep those precious DNA molecules traveling forward in Time. The dance of mating & seduction -- in all creatures -- is linked inseparably to this biological imperative. Go against it and you're flying in the face of millions of years of evolution (or maybe its design, who knows?). Learn to play by it's rules... and you will win!

* * *

Anyway, being the correct sort of nice guy to women really only means being someone who is A) safe, and B) a guy that she would NOT be embarrassed to show off to her family or close (judgmental) friends. Understand that there's a lot of latitude in there between a kiss-ass wimp and a complete psycho. Your job is to find that happy middle.

* * *

Alright, some practical application of theory. It's difficult to describe exactly how to go about handling the issue of being a nice guy, but here's my best try...

You never want to ACT like a nice guy around women, but...

...you always want to SEEM like one.

Can you get a sense of what I'm trying to say here? The problem with being nice is TRYING to be nice, instead of just LETTING it happen. You can't come across as an *obvious* a nice guy -- you just have to drop enough hints around women so that you SEEM like one. Never, *EVER* broadcast your nice guy potential to women like it's something that you're proud of! Yeeesh!

Here's a few examples of what I mean:

1) When you first meet a woman that you're attracted to, you must establish a NON-verbal line of communication in a way that provokes stirrings of instinctual mating thoughts in her subconscious "deep" brain. In other words, you need to transmit your interest in her in a man-woman sexual-potential way *without* actually speaking any words to that effect! Nice trick, eh? Actually it's easy... two ways in which you can do this are with extended eye contact and brief, non-offensive touches. Both casual, but unmistakable in their true meaning to her.

2) Drop HINTS about you're capacity to be a nice guy, but don't demonstrate it -- otherwise you will come off like a complete kiss-ass. Do this by A) slipping in suggestions of having strong family-friends relationships in your life (a sign to women that you're "connected & normal"), or B) that you have something exciting going on in your life -- either at work, as a hobby, or perhaps a recent adventure of some kind.

Here's an example from my own experiences. I used to work for a photography company. Sounds exciting, eh? Not really. The amount of time I spent with a camera in my hand was less than 5% of the total time I was there. I mostly did boring lab work and mechanical "McGuiver" tricks to keep a lot of old, over-used equipment up and running. But maybe a half dozen to 20 times a year, I got to fly around in light planes shooting aerial pictures around the Western New York area for various commercial clients.

So when I'm chatting up a girl, sometimes I'll work in a quick little anecdote that's drawn from one of my old flying jobs. Like how the snowpack collecting on Lake Erie forms such beautifully colored cracks in the greenish ice sheets during the height of mid-winter. But I make nothing more of it, all very nonchalant... and I DON'T fully explain how I came into the position of flying around the area and making such an observation in the first place. Is it through work? A hobby?... What am I involved in that would give me an opportunity to view this natural wonder? Business travel? What?

She's at least a little bit curious about me now, but she's not comfortable asking questions since I've just rolled over the subject quickly and she doesn't really know me well enough yet. Besides, (and this is important to understand) she LIKES not knowing! Mystery! Intrigue! I've suggested to her in an off-hand way that I'm a productive guy (safe & normal) who's into SOMETHING that's kind of fascinating and possibly making me good money -- but without revealing too much about what it is, and especially NOT explaining every last detail in the droll, somewhat braggartly way that is the hallmark of the boring-as- hell nice guy.

You can drop hints about family ("connections", i.e. I'm not a lonely, desperate hermit) or whatever in a similar manner to show her that you're an okay (nice?) guy without piercing the delicate bubble of MYSTERY that must envelope every seduction.

Now you're "in like Flynn" in terms of getting your foot in the door to her heart (this is only Step 1 remember). Why? Because she's made the determination in her *subconscious* mind (where it really counts) that you "seem" like a nice guy beneath an otherwise dominant male presentation of yourself, and that piques her interest immensely.

You are a rare encounter in the universe of men that breaks down into either sappy, boring "nice guys" or worthless (but, alas, exciting) pricks. Your stock has gone up at the moment it matters most... that make or break moment OF FIRST ENCOUNTER. No matter what "flaws" you might otherwise imagine yourself to have, you have become interesting to her in a way that AT LEAST she'll never categorize as friggin' "nice". NOW you have a shot!

And you can move on to Seduction Steps 2, 3, 4, etc. with the confidence of a High Status Male!

Cocky and funny

2009-12-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

Cocky and funny is absolutely the best technique for getting women, but there is still more to it. Keeping your composure is also very important. If for any reason you say... trip and fall... then don't overreact! Every human on the face of the planet makes mistakes similar to that, and you make it a lot worse by blowing it out of proportion by freaking out in crazy embarrassed way. Just get back up, laugh a little and say a little "oops" or something then go on like nothing happened. Act like you aren't fazed when you screw up around girls. It gives an overwhelming sense to the girls that you are one confident badass. Confidence is beyond important. You cannot show fear of anything. People have got to look at the world as their own playground, where everybody else is just their string puppets for them to control to get what they want. You've got to emit the sense to whatever girl you are trying to hook up with that you think anything is possible. There is no fear, and thus there is only supreme confidence. Supreme confidence will bring you supreme women.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Ah, one of my favorite topics: COMPOSURE.

I have been thinking a lot about the concept of composure lately. I'm actually writing a section on it in a future book... and I spent some time talking about it in the Los Angeles seminar back in May.

Composure if vital because we humans tend to read very subtle cues from others, then make large judgments about them as people.

For instance, if you're the type that let's little things bother you, then you're probably going to be thought of as not-exactly-masculine.

For instance, let's say that you're out with a girl for coffee, and you come out to find a parking ticket on your car. Some guys I know wouldn't even think about it... they'd just get upset. They'd start whining, ranting and raving... and throwing a tantrum... with no regard for what the woman is thinking of them.

On the other hand, I know guys who would causally pick up the ticket, make a funny comment, and not even miss a beat.

What's the difference?

The guy who keeps his composure at all times is FAR more attractive than the one who doesn't.

Another place that composure plays an important part is when women TEST men. If a woman starts trying to push your buttons, becomes demanding, or starts being dramatic about something, you need to KEEP YOUR COOL.

In fact, some of the guys I know who are THE MOST successful with women actually don't even respond AT ALL to drama or tests from women.

They just continue what they were doing.

Oh the other hand, I know some guys who let this kind of thing take them off balance and upset them (I used to be one of those guys).

If you let things like this upset you, or even get to you a little bit, it's going to be obvious that you
can't control your emotions, and it will make you less attractive all the way around.

Keep your composure. Keep your composure. Keep your composure.

David D.
Double Your Dating Ebook

COMMENT FROM A WOMAN

2009-12-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

***COMMENT FROM A WOMAN*** I am a lady and read your spam for the fun of it. Boy are you all wet and not dry behind the ears yet when it comes to knowing how to attract a lady. I suppose you do all right attracting the ugly ducklings that want to be your door mat. Making fun of the way a lady is not attractive, it just shows what a rude jerk you really are and have no manners. Faking being busy on the phone is one of the oldest tricks in the book and all women are wise to it. If you were truly busy, you would not have called in the first place and women know this. Waiting a certain length of time to call is just ignorance. Out of sight, out of mind is the way most women think about men, when you snooze, you loose. Darlin, get real, this is 2002, head games are a definate no no, honesty is in, or has it been so long since you have attracted a lady instead of a door mat you don't know this. Women have more brains than men and all women know we are sitting on the world men are trying to win, so being rude and making a real pain in the butt out of yourself may get you a door mat but never a lady. Keep your nonsense flowing, us women get a real good laugh from your advice on how to score. The old saying sure holds true with your writing," Those who can do, those who can't write a book on how to". haha!

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well I guess you told me!

Here's what I heard you say (my interpretations, of course):

1. Waiting to call a woman back is a bad idea, and if you don't call her immediately then she'll forget you and not want to ever see you again.

2. Women are smarter than men.

3. Women are "sitting on the world men are trying to win", which I'm assuming means what you have between your legs.

4. That you believe I promote "being rude" and "faking being
busy".

OK, where do I start?

I don't know, but I have sneakin' suspicion that you share
the CRACK PIPE with the STONED woman from last week. Don't
tell me that you're a base-head too?

Well, I guess you asked for it, with your off-the-handle
emotional rant... so here goes. (Can you believe that I get
to have this much fun... and call it work?)

So you think that waiting to call a woman back is a bad
idea, huh?

And you think that if you don't call her back immediately
that she'll have forgotten you... and just not be interested.

This is an interesting line of thinking.

If you're high.

Look, it's soooo commonly known that it's not a good idea
to call a woman the moment after you've met her that even
guys who have never seen the movie SWINGERS know not to
do it!

Yea, I see. I think that from now on, I'll just ask women
for their cel phone numbers, then call them right after I
walk away. I can say "Hi... it's me! Look over your left
shoulder! Here I am! [Waving my arms around]"

That would be cool.

I'd make fun of this idea more, but I have a minimum of
three more incredibly stupid ideas of yours to bust on...

So you think that women are smarter than men, huh? Your exact comment was "Women have more brains than men". You know, this is genius level thinking. It's probably because you're smarter than me that you actually know this.

I'll bet, though, that because you've smoked so much CRACK that you've killed enough brain cells to make us at least EQUALLY "brainy". Just a hunch.

I think you took a step down the wrong path with this comment.

And then you started RUNNING FULL SPEED down that same
wrong path with:

"...all women know we are sitting on the world men are
trying to win..."

Do me a favor... next time you send me an email like this,
send me your address so I can PAY YOU for your
contribution. I wish I could come up with stuff like this
myself.

I see that you've written me an email, so you must have
access to a computer (just a guess). But it seems to me
that you must be pretty new to the internet, because you
obviously haven't figured out that any man can get online
and within 30 seconds be looking at beautiful naked women
for free.

And if they really have a mind to not have to listen to
your mouth AND AT THE SAME TIME "win" the "world" that
women like yourself are sitting on, ALL THEY HAVE TO DO
IS FLY TO VEGAS AND GET A CAB OUT TO THE CHICKEN RANCH!

This is 2002! It's not the dark ages.

I feel like I can speak for most of the guys on this
newsletter when I say that we would like to meet women
who are emotionally stable, friendly, happy, financially
together, etc. (I don't expect you to be able to identify
with this description... don't worry about it.)

It's not our desire to just "win what you're sitting on".

We don't have to anymore. We improve ourselves in this
area because we WANT TO. We're not interested in playing
"Hi there Miss, will you please give me some attention and
some of what you're sitting on?"

And finally, to address your comment that implies that I
teach men to be rude and to fake things...

You're missing the boat entirely. It's like a joke, you
either get it or you don't. And you don't.

Remember, send your address next time! And also try the
spelling and grammar check in your word processor, because
you write like an emotionally unstable middle-schooler.

David D.
Double Your Dating Ebook

The Legacy We Leave in Our Relationships

2009-12-04T12:19:00.000-08:00

by Chris Widener

Relationships are at the very core of our existence and something we deal with every day and on every level of our lives. We have very superficial relationships with many people, such as merchants we may meet, and relationships that we consider intimate, such as the ones we experience with our immediate family and our mates.

Relationships provide us with both the most positive as well as the most negative experiences we have in our lives. There are those who, though they may never achieve fame or fortune in this world, will be remembered very highly by all who came in contact with them. Their funerals will overflow with people they have touched.

The pain and joy that can come as children remember their deceased parents is determined by the lives those parents lived and how well they maintained the relationships with their children.

And what it all comes down to is the ability to maintain healthy relationships.

I want to share with you the key components of establishing relationships that will allow you to leave a fantastic relational legacy.

Be Purposeful. People are busy and time flies. Put these two together and you have a recipe for disaster in the relationship department. Pretty soon you and your best friends have had months go by between times spent together. In order to have quality relationships we have to be purposeful.

This is especially true with couples and even more so for couples with small children. They need to be very purposeful in making sure they spend quality time together communicating and enjoying one another.

Be Proactive. This is the opposite of reactive. Reactive is when your spouse says, “We never spend any time together,” and you respond by saying, “Okay, we will this week.” It would be to sit down at the beginning of each month or week and schedule the time, or better yet have a weekly “date night.” The key is to take control and schedule your relationships. Otherwise, they are going to get away from you.

Be Disciplined. Yes, it takes discipline to maintain healthy relationships. The discipline is to make investments regularly. This means the monthly lunch with a friend. It means the yearly hunting trip with friends from high school. It means cutting out of work early to go to your child’s game. It means disciplining yourself to work harder during the day in order to leave at a set time so you can eat dinner with your family. All of these are acts of discipline. Just as we have to discipline ourselves in other areas of our lives, like exercising for health or investing for wealth, we have to discipline ourselves into actions that will produce strong and healthy relationships.
Value People Above Possessions, Schedules and Achievements. The sooner we realize that we leave behind all of our stuff when we die, the sooner we will be able to focus on what matters most—relationships. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that we shouldn’t do our best to become successful financially or that we shouldn’t enjoy material possessions. What I am saying is that should be secondary to healthy relationships. I can’t imagine someone on their deathbed who says, “I wish I would have left an estate of ten million dollars instead of five million.” No, people get to the ends of their lives and wish they would have invested more in their relationships.

Be Loving. I don’t mean to be guided by emotional feelings of “love.” Feelings come and go. This is what I mean when I say loving: to always act in such a way as to do what is best for the other person. Love is not feelings, but actions. When we say that we love someone, we mean that we are committed to their best interests. If we are lucky, those commitments are coupled with strong emotional bonds as well.

Be Forgiving. The fact is this: Where there are people, mistakes will be made. I don’t care if you are the nicest guy on earth (or married to him), you will have some breakdowns in your relationship on occasion. That is the nature of being human. Other people will fail you and you will fail people.

And when this happens we must face a decision: Will we let the relationship remain broken or will we learn to forgive? An analogy might be in order. A relationship is like building a house. It has to have a strong foundation.

That is where you start. Then it must be built step by step until it is finished. During the building process there may be times when a beam falls or the two-by-fours break. The builder has a decision to make. Will he repair the building or let it go? If he chooses to let it go, the house will be weak and eventually fall into disrepair. Unfortunately, too many people let their relationships break and do not repair them by practicing forgiveness. People who leave successful relationships behind them practice the art of forgiveness.

Follow the Golden Rule. The golden rule of life is, “Do to others what you would want them to do to you.” What is most interesting about this is that Christ was the first religious leader to say this in a positive way. Other leaders had said before to “Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you.” Relationships are about being proactive and doing for others.

When we wake up each day with the goal to follow the golden rule and do good in people’s lives, we set ourselves on a course that will allow us to build a strong relational legacy.

Think of how you want to be remembered, and then live in such a way that you will be. If you want to be remembered as kind, then be kind. If you want to be remembered as strong, then be strong. If you want to be remembered as friendly, then be friendly. If you want to be remembered as forgiving and patient, then be forgiving and patient. What you do and how you act will add up to how you will be remembered.

It is possible to leave a wonderful relational legacy. If you follow the principles above, you will surely do so.

—Chris Widener

Kissing Women And Using Humor

2009-11-30T05:34:00.001-08:00

***QUESTION FROM A READER***

Hey Dave!

I am an avid reader of your newsletters and mailbags ...this stuff literally blew me away. I also have your e-book. I had never seen or read any other "dating expert" use the word "attraction"...period! They never mention it in anything they write yet it is the MOST IMPORTANT thing that determines your success with women. Out of literally dozens of articles and e-books from so-called "dating pros", the word "attraction" just doesn't ever come up! I even read in one e-book that to attract women you need to get a golden tan. I was like: "What the hell? That's not the key to attracting women you dummy! Besides, what if you cant tan?!!"

When attraction is imminent, women try to be with you and chase you. If attraction is not there,
they make up excuses and try to avoid you. This is so simple... yet so easy to understand but many guys who haven't read your eBook miss this vital point and thus waste time on women that aren't interested! Attraction is EVERYTHING! That is why anyone reading this that hasn't bought your e-book or your Advanced CD series should do it IMMEDIATELY! It's definitely worth the investment. In fact it will pay you back over the rest of your life because you will be so much better with women! Don't pay hundreds of dollars or waste time on the other material that's out there...buy Dave's materials! Ok, Dave, I'm sure your head has grown 10 times as big now and since I'm not getting paid for making you a few extra sales, so I'll quit now! But really, buy the stuff...it's excellent! It's things in there you have never heard of before that is so critical to your failure or success with women!

Anyhow, that was my insight on how great your material is...now I have a question aboutsomething I read in your mailbag previously that really stood out to me. It was the one about the
guy who said "Can I kiss you" to a woman that was getting out of the car as he dropped her off. I
thought saying "Can I kiss you?" was wussified behavior? That didn't sound like something you can say without looking like a needy dork but the guy said it worked for him and he got the kiss anyhow. Did I miss something here? Explain that Dave. Also, have you learned of any other "Kiss Tests" like the one on your site?

GT from Nashville

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well, thanks for the shameless advertisement for my ebook and Advanced Series. I'm glad you're having success with the material.

I'd like to comment on your observation that there's no one teaching guys about ATTRACTION...

I noticed this exact same thing when I was first learning about how to meet and date women.

It took me probably two years of trying things before I finally realized that there was something else going on with women that NO ONE was talking about. Finally, I realized that this magic something was an EMOTION.

Women don't meet men and say to themselves "Well, he's my physical type, he has a good job,
he dresses himself pretty well, and he looks like he's good in bed... I think I'll TURN ON MY
ATTRACTION for him..."

No way.

There's something that happens to a woman, usually in an INSTANT, that sparks the "Chemistry"or "Sexual Tension" or "Attraction." And then, if the man knows how to build that tension and AMPLIFY the EMOTION called ATTRACTION that the woman is feeling, there's a very good chance that they will get together.

If, on the other hand, a man does NOT understand this simple fact, and more importantly,
how ATTRACTION works, then no magic technique in the world will work consistently for him.

I've learned that ATTRACTION is EVERYTHING.

SO WHY HASN'T ANYONE FIGURED THIS OUT?

Well, I have a theory about that, too.

In a nutshell, I think that because men are sexually attracted primarily to LOOKS, they just
ASSUME that women must be the same way. We guys just simply never take the time and energy to figure out what women are actually attracted to... so we act like failures with women... and they treat us like failures.

And many of the guys I DO know who are good with women don't realize WHY what they do works so well. They just do what they do, and women are attracted to them. Most of them haven't taken the time to figure out that what they're doing is triggering the powerful emotion called ATTRACTION inside of women.

To finish my thought on this, you're right.

No one talks about ATTRACTION... and that's a problem, because if you don't "get" attraction, then it's going to be hard to "get" women to be interested in you.

Now, you asked a question at the end of your email.

You wanted to know if the guy who asked, "Can I kiss you?" was being a Wuss.

OK, I'm about to share a VERY, VERY powerful tool to use when you're interacting with women...

*** Before I share this secret, I want to mention that if you want to get a SERIOUS education on the topic of attraction, check out my eBook "Attraction Isn't A Choice." You can download it
right here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/AttractionBook

When I tell you what it is, you're probably going to say, "That doesn't sound important"...
but IT IS.

Trust me on this one.

When you asked your question in the way that you asked it, you indicated to me that you MISSED WHAT WAS GOING ON. You missed the point of the question.

One of the things I tell guys to do is TEASE women.

Teasing can mean one of a couple of things.

Teasing can mean starting to kiss her, then stopping, starting, then stopping... over and over
again. In this context it's usually considered a good, pleasurable thing.

For instance, if you kiss a woman gently, then pull away... then do it again... then again... and
you can tell that she wants more, but you're not giving it to her, you're teasing her.

Also, teasing can mean "poking fun".

An example would be saying, "Wow, those are some tall shoes. What, are you like three feet
tall without them?"

Think of how you used to tease girls on the school playground when you were a kid.

That's a different kind of teasing.

Now, BOTH kinds of teasing are great to use with women who you have a romantic interest in...

Let's talk about the "Can I kiss you?" example for a minute.

As you might remember, it went something like this:

He waited for a moment when it was clear to him that it would be OK to kiss her. She wanted it.
Then he said...

Him: "Can I kiss you?" Her: "Yes" Him: "OK, I'll make sure to do that."

At this point, she said "Right"... and leaned in to kiss HIM!

What happened here?

What happened was a little bit of GENIUS. That's what happened.

He was TEASING HER. He was doing something that, at first glance was kind of Wuss/Nice Guy thing to do. But remember, he had so much momentum built up, that this little "slip" was perceived by her as OK. In fact, he had so much momentum and ATTRACTION built up that she WANTED IT.

He says, "Can I kiss you?", she says, "Yes", then he TEASES her by saying, "OK, I'll make sure to do that."

Yeah!

In that moment, she realizes that his Wuss behavior was actually a JOKE, and that he was
actually MESSING with her and teasing her.

And at that point she leaned over and kissed HIM.

Now, let me share something that I made up that I have used with women on many occasions...

Let's say I'm out and I meet a girl walking down the street, and I get her email and phone
number.

We send a couple of emails back and forth, then we get on the phone.

Because I'm always teasing and busting balls, I KNOW that she's enjoying it and interested in
me... so in that first phone conversation I'll say:

Me: "You know, I was telling my mom about you today" Her: "Really?" Me: "NO, you dork! Why would I tell my MOM about you? Get over yourself!"

Are you with me?

Remember, I'm being charming, Cocky, Funny, and unpredictable from the start... and I KNOW that she's enjoying it. The tension is building, even as we have our first phone conversation.

So I then say something that just plain doesn't fit ("I was telling my mom about you today?"). She says, "Really?" in a half flattered/half surprised way, wondering what's going on.

I then pause to build up the suspense.

As the pause is happening, and she's starting to think to herself, "Uh oh, he really likes me",
I drop the "No, you dork! Why would I tell my MOM about you? Get over yourself!" line.

It's funny, confusing, and a HUGE tease.

It usually gets a huge laugh... and it communicates that I not only "get" what's going
on, but I'm so confident that I'll tease her about
it.

Now, this is what you might call an "advanced" move.

If you don't know how to tell if a woman is attracted to you, how to spark attraction, how to
amplify the attraction, and how to move from one step to the next, you're just going to sound like
a dumb ass when you say something like this... because you'll say it at the wrong time, or you'll
say it to a woman who isn't very interested in you... which will make things WORSE instead of
better.

I hope you hear what I'm saying.

One of the GREATEST things you can learn is how to use SUBTLE humor with women to IMPLY what you're thinking without actually SAYING it directly.

As I say in my ebook, "Double Your Dating" and in my Advanced CD/DVD Program, men take things literally and women are always interpreting... they're always trying to figure out what
everything you're saying and doing "REALLY MEANS".

Communicating with women on a "sexual" level is a skill that you must learn and develop... and thankfully ANY man can learn how.

Once you learn this new "language," you'll start to experience women in a whole new way.
You'll be sending and receiving signals in a language that you never even knew about.

And it's FUN!

And the best part is that WOMEN WILL REALLY APPRECIATE and ENJOY the fact that you actually know how to communicate with them.

You need to go back through these materials and pay attention to the SUBTLE things that I'm
saying, and start to really pay attention to the details of how you communicate with women. You
won't believe how much fun you can have.

And if you haven't yet invested in my eBook and Advanced CD/DVD series, then you need to do that. Both come with a "stupid-proof" guarantee... try BEFORE you buy... and both take your dating success through the roof.

You will not find a better education on women and dating ANYWHERE... at ANY price.

The eBook is here for download:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/eBook

The Advanced Dating Techniques Program is here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/AdvancedSeries

I'll talk to you again soon!

Your Friend,

David D.

P.S. Don't forget to check out all of my different programs in my online catalog. You can see them
all, plus watch video clips of every one of them right here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/Catalog

5 Conversation Killers You Must Avoid When Talking to Women

2009-11-22T06:01:00.000-08:00

After coaching a lot of guys over the years (on how to be successful with women) and watching them interact with women in real-life environments, Ben, Stu and Dan have identified many things that will instantly KILL a guy's conversation with a woman.

In The Ultimate Guide to Conversation they've boiled the list down to 16 conversation killers and cover each of them in detail in the program. Today, I'm going to talk about 5 of those conversation killers that could save you from blowing your next opportunity with a woman you like!

1. Not using enough humor

Everyone likes to have a good laugh, true?

Laughing makes you feel happy, alive and present in your life. It reminds you to not take everything so seriously. When it comes to having a conversation with a woman, humor is the fastest way to make her FEEL GOOD and want to keep talking with you. Naturally, if a woman doesn't feel good, fun, positive, happy emotions when talking to you then she is going to get bored and seek stimulation elsewhere.

Unlike us men who may enjoy talking for hours about technical and intelligent topics (e.g. science, technology, finance, investing, property, politics, philosophy, sport statistics, cars, etc), when it comes to the DATING process and working out whether or not they like you - women want to you to talk about things that make them feel FUN, positive and desirable EMOTIONS.

Without the use of humor, the amount of emotion you can make a woman feel by what you're saying is very limited. This is why you often hear women saying, "I want a guy who can make me laugh."

So, what's the trick to being funny and using humor to make women laugh and feel good around you?

Humor is best when it is made up on the fly, while you are being real in the moment and listening to what is being said (and not said). To make sure that you completely understand how to use humor when talking to women, they've included 100+ examples throughout The Ultimate Guide to Conversation.

As you use those examples in your conversations with women, you will quickly understand how humor works and will instantly feel more comfortable cracking your own jokes in the moment. Best of all, the type of humor they teach is guaranteed to make women attracted to you.

One of the examples of humor from The Ultimate Guide to Conversation can be found in a section that includes 56 different conversation starters. Here's the story behind the humor example...

Stu was at a club one night and walked up to the bar to get a drink. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that the woman standing to his right began to primp and preen her hair. Assuming that she was doing that to look nicer in front of him, he turned to her, smiled and said, "Don't worry honey -- your hair looks fine...!"

She laughed and thanked him for the compliment (was it a compliment that Stu gave, or a bit of humor...or both?). Stu then continued by telling her about the MANY HOURS he spends blow-drying and styling his hair before going out at night.

The funny part?

His hair was shaved 'army-style' at the time...so, it obviously required NO styling at all, just a quick towel-dry and he'd be done. She saw that his hair was shaved, realized he was joking and was laughing pretty much the whole time he talked about it.

As I mentioned, humor is best when made up on the fly and that's what Stu did in that situation. However, to ensure you really, really understand how to use humor in your conversations with women, they have provided TRUCKLOADS of examples in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation.

2. Not listening enough

This is critical.

It's such a cliché to say "You have to listen". It sounds SO OBVIOUS and no doubt you've heard it 100 times before...but how good of a listener are you, really? The truth is, if you run out of things to say when talking to women - you are NOT a good listener.

Guys who struggle to keep conversations going with women usually spend MORE TIME thinking about how the conversation is going and what they should or could say next, instead of listening. This prevents the guy from allowing his natural INTELLIGENCE to come up with something at least 'half-decent' to say in the moment.

The best conversationalists LISTEN to the other person and THEN expand on what they've heard by offering their own perspectives, asking questions, making jokes and branching off to related topics.

I repeat: They listen and THEN they expand on the conversation. They don't try to prepare conversation while the other person is speaking. If this means that they pause for a second, or talk slowly at the start of their response -- that is FINE to them and to the woman. The point is: They LISTEN and everyone likes to talk to someone who ACTUALLY listens to them.

3. Worrying what she will think

A lot of guys who struggle with conversation choose to say NOTHING to a woman instead of taking the risk of POTENTIALLY saying something that isn't cool. Then, they complain that conversation is too hard and women are difficult to talk to.

Here's the thing...

Women ARE difficult to talk to if you talk to them in the wrong way. You see it all the time: Some guys just seem to naturally and easily connect with women and enjoy fun, interesting conversations...while other guys talk to women in an awkward way that causes the conversation to come to an end very quickly.

One of the things that causes this awkwardness (there are number of things that cause it, all of which are explained in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation) is worrying about what she will think of what you say. If you come across as though you are holding back on saying things because you are afraid of what she'll think, you can guarantee that 99% of women will NOT be attracted to you and your conversations with them will be awkward and end very quickly.

4. Being too pleasant or too nice

Most of us guys are GOOD guys. We treat people well and we like being GOOD...and that is a GOOD thing.

However, if you talk to women in a way that shows you are trying extra hard (even a little bit) to be extra pleasant or nice -- she WILL sense it and she won't like it.

Think about it...

Have you ever been talking to someone who was TRYING to appear that they were just being nice to you, but you could SENSE that they were 'up to something' and trying to 'get something from you' or trying to 'do you over', so to speak?

Of course, we've all come across those kinds of people. Here's the thing though: If you are PUTTING ON the act of being nicer and more pleasant than you usually are when you talk to a woman -- she WILL sense it and it WILL turn her off.

She won't want to keep talking to you, because she will know you're not being straight with her. Worse still, she will INSTANTLY and INSTINCTIVELY realize that you don't usually hook up with girls of her quality. She will realize that she has more value than you in the situation, so by talking to you (and possibly dating, having sex with you and entering a relationship with you) she will basically be doing you a favor.

5. Not using enough flirting

If you don't flirt with women, you will almost ALWAYS be seen as 'just a friend'...or worse - nothing at all. Flirting is not a 'should do' for success in conversation with women, it's a MUST do and cannot be skipped or overlooked.

They spend a lot of time talking about flirting and providing examples throughout The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. There are probably 70+ examples of flirtatious things you can say and do around women so they WANT YOU as a lover/boyfriend.

If you want to improve your conversation skills with women (including your flirting skills), I recommend you stop and watch this video about conversation right now.

Cheers

David Riklan
Editor - Self Improvement Newsletter
Founder - SelfGrowth.com

P.S. The video contains breakthrough information about how to use conversation to talk your way into sex, dates, love and relationships with women. It also explains how to keep conversations going and keep them interesting...that way, you won't be at a loss for words the next time you have a chance with a beautiful woman! Watch it here now.

Stopping A Woman On The Street

2009-11-20T14:48:00.000-08:00

By David DeAngelo

SUCCESS STORY:

Hello, I just bought your book today and I have to admit it was the best choice ever. Before I bought your book I was the shy "nice" guy who would always try to cling on girls and hardly ever talk to any and was always wondering why I couldn't get any phone #'s or dates. I have been dateless for 19 years and I just finished reading your book tonight.

Well I went out and tried some of the techniques and I have to admit it worked like a charm. I saw this girl (looked like a model) I went up to her and said hi, (never done before) and she was like hi and kept walking. Then I threw in this remark "what did my good looks really scare you that badly? (I am an average looking guy and I knew this)" This stopped her in her tracks and she actually came back and was like "What did you say "I was like "Did my good looks really scare you away" and she said "I guess that was it, do you want to grab a table and talk a bit?"

Then we talked for around 20 minutes then I looked at my watch and said look at the time I have to get going. She said "already but we just started". Then I said well how about you give me your e-mail address and I can contact you when I have some time. She told me she didn't have an e-mail address so I asked for her phone number and told her I would only call her about 3 times every day. She laughed and gave it to me and I said will I be able to get a hold of you
on this number? She said yes and even showed me her cell phone number. It matched so I was like I will call you sometime towards the end of the week and maybe we can meet up and develop our "Friendship" a little more. I walked away leaving her speechless.

MY COMMENTS:

OK, first of all, you get a GOLD STAR for being a MAN OF ACTION.

With this little story, you've shown me that you UNDERSTAND what you're learning... and you possess an important quality: Willingness to TRY THINGS.

I thought that it would be interesting to talk about the psychology of approaching and meeting
women that you don't know.

Your email was a great introduction to this topic, as it included several subtle twists and turns that make for interesting observation and analysis.

Listen to me talking about "observation and analysis"... I sound like some kind of freakin' smart guy.

Whatever.

OBSERVATION AND ANALYSIS #1:

First you walked over and just said "Hi"...then, when she kept walking, you said something that was both Cocky & Funny, and PRICELESS.

You said:

"What did my good looks really scare you that badly?"

Now, the fact that you're an average-looking REALLY makes something like this work.

With one comment you actually communicated more than most guys communicate in HOURS.

You effectively said "I'm not intimidated by you, and, in fact, I'm so comfortable around beautiful women that I can make funny comments like this one...".

Beautiful women walk around in the world surrounded by BORING, needy, approval-seeking guys. These guys are NOT appealing to women.

When someone shows up and actually demonstrates some HUMOR and some PERSONALITY and some STRENGTH, it really stands out.

OBSERVATION AND ANALYSIS #2:

After chatting with her for a little while, you said "I have to get going".

What would most guys do in a situation like this one?

Of course... they'd cling to this girl like peanut butter sticks to the roof of a dog's mouth.

And what would she do?

Right... she'd RUN.

By breaking off the interaction yourself when it was on an UP NOTE, you made yourself FAR more attractive to her.

OBSERVATION AND ANALYSIS #3:

After you got her number, you said "I'll call you at the end of the week and maybe we can meet up to develop our friendship a little more".

Beautiful.

What would most guys have done?

Right... they would have said "Hey, maybe I can take you out on a date this week... how does that sound?".

In other words, they would have basically communicated that they were needy Wussbags instead of communicating that they understood the situation and what they were dealing with.

And, of course, they probably wouldn't have had a chance of seeing that woman ever again (except in their one-handed fantasies).

I LOVE IT WHEN GUYS TAKE ACTION!

Love it!

I'm proud of you, man.

Someone come over here and give me a hug before I start crying.

Again, you get a gold star.

One more thought...

I think that most guys would read a story like this one and say "That sounds like B.S... that would never work".

Well I'll tell you something... I've seen things like this happen so many times that I can't even count them anymore.

I have one friend who I personally saw get 25 different women's phone numbers over the course of one weekend.

The amazing part is that he and I were in an educational seminar the entire weekend...

In other words, we were busy MOST of the time... and he got those 25 phone numbers during breaks and evenings.

And I'd say that it took him an AVERAGE of about 5 or 7 minutes to get each one.

It blew my mind.

Is this guy rich? Does he look like Brad Pitt?

Nope.

You wouldn't even notice him if he walked in front of you.

Would you like to hear him talk about how he stops women on the street and gets their phone numbers?

Good, because there's an easy way for you to do it...

It JUST SO HAPPENS that this particular guy is one of SEVERAL guests that are featured on my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

He actually shares and DEMONSTRATES how he stops women, starts conversations, and gets numbers... all in step-by-step detail.

Of course, this is one small part of my program.

And he's only one of several different amazing "specialists" that are featured on it.

You'll literally learn everything from how to overcome your fear and shyness to how to give a woman a "million dollar" date experience for under TEN BUCKS... and HUNDREDS of other strategies and techniques.

I can't say enough good stuff about it... and if you read some of the feedback that I've gotten on my website, you'll see that others agree.

And you'll notice that the guy who wrote the letter featured in this newsletter started off with "I just bought your book today...".

That's a hint.

If you haven't downloaded your copy, then you need to do that IMMEDIATELY.

You can download it right now, and be reading it within a few minutes. It's here:

http://www.DoubleYourDatingAdvice.com/Ebook/

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

A gentle lady at a party once quipped

2009-11-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

A gentle lady at a party once quipped:

'Yes, they say that a diamond is a girl's best friend, but that is not true... give me REAL ESTATE any day.'

— Vic Conant

Keeping A Beautiful Woman Attracted

2009-08-08T00:39:00.001-07:00

***DATING QUESTION FROM READER***

Hello, David!

I want to start by thanking you for your work. Once in a great while, someone comes along that truly wants to help others succeed, and puts in the effort to the research and testing, and makes something great for others. You are one of those people, and I'm glad to see you succeed by helping so many others do the same.

I was reaching to find answers, like a lot of us were, and found your material. It has been awesome. In the last week, I saw the most attractive woman I perhaps ever have. She was a 9.5 on my scale, which is truly rare to find for me. Not just in looks, but a great personality.

Instead of giving in to my normal habits, I applied the methods you taught. We went out to a club, and had a great time. I had another friend of mine there, and I used him as a means to partially ignore her at times, constantly making jokes that were just too quiet for her to hear, and looking at her and smiling when doing it. She constantly wanted to know what was funny, yet she wasn't mad, just shyly curious. I was aloof, yet not terribly too distant from her. I would wander off by myself, knowing she was with my friend, and leave them hanging alone for a little while now and then. (I knew my friend wasn't going to hit on her). I would go up to other girls and whisper something in their ear right in front of her, to give her the idea that I was completely comfortable in my own skin with women. Once, on my way back from the dance floor, I found her with some other guy. I flashed a sly little smile, but kept on walking right by, as if to imply "You have a good time there. I could care less. As a matter of fact, you look a tad pathetic coming on to him." She soon returned and said that I had been gone too long, and some guy had "dragged her away from me". That night, I had resisted the urge to act like anything but the kind of man you would teach someone to be. All urges at wussness were disregarded, and I played the part to a tee. Even though it didn't entirely feel normal or comfortable at first, I could see that it was definitely working, so I kept it up. I would occasionally catch her staring at me from the corner of my eye, sometimes for 2 or 3 seconds. I didn't react, but just kept saying to myself "Damn. David has been right the whole time".

I woke up the next morning with a weird feeling... this was something I had never achieved before. I don't mean sex with a woman soon after I met her, but the fact that she was so damn gorgeous. At the risk of sounding a little chauvinistic, she was the best girl I have ever had. Well, over the next two weeks or so, I kept coming over and doing things during the days with her and staying at night. This is when things began to change.

You had a timeless question from a guy once who said something like "After I sleep with a woman why do I feel like hating her?" Well, I normally feel the same. But with this girl, it was
different. I wanted to keep her. But, the more time we spent together, the more we started to
both feel like whatever I sparked was fading quick. I could see the thrill of our initial meeting was dying, and I wanted to add to my image in her mind the idea that I could be a part of her
daily life too, not just the nighttime party one.

I felt like I had to show her something that proved I didn't just want her for sex. I knew I couldn't let her interpret it as me buying her attention or body, although I'm afraid that may
have been exactly what I did. I ended up purchasing her and her roommate a full stock of groceries, which they definitely needed. It gave me some kind of a sense that I had shown that I was more than just a sex buddy, which really felt good to me. However, lately she has pulled away.

We will still go out and have a good time, but more like friends, with only a little flirting.
She now refuses sex, saying "it would complicate things." By the way, although she has been in
long-term relationships since she was 16, she currently isn't, and seems to be enjoying the party life a lot. She is 22 now. I know you said in your audio series that it is a mistake to try to tie down a party girl, but she told me of her long-term history with guys, and that's why I tried. Did I screw up by getting too close too fast? Was it unrealistic for me to show that kind of attention to her needs that quick or at all?

How many times should a guy see a girl each week if he wants to keep up the attraction and have a great time, but not become too familiar to her?

Thanks man.

Confused, -J

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Oh, I feel your pain.

I'm sure that just about every man alive can identify with this story in one way or another...
even if it doesn't involve a woman that you'd describe as a "9.5".

So, let's talk about the situation you're in, what happened at first, and what to do now...

First of all, congratulations on the fact that you were able to make this kind of success happen in the first place!

You're doing great, and I know how good it feels to have this kind of success with a really attractive woman.

It sounds like you're really starting to "get it" at a deep level. The more you continue to study the materials you have (especially the CD Series) the more you'll understand how to attract these UNUSUALLY attractive women... and more importantly, KEEP THEM ATTRACTED.

Let's review a few of my main concepts, and how they apply to this situation...

ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE

Explained differently, a woman doesn't CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE to feel attracted to a man.

A woman also doesn't consciously choose to STOP her attraction for a man.

It happens for reasons that seem very illogical to most men.

The things you were doing when you first met this girl were EXACTLY the right things for
creating this wonderful feeling of ATTRACTION inside of her.

And she obviously enjoyed it tremendously.

You mentioned that you didn't feel totally comfortable at first, but since it was obvious that she was becoming more and more interested in you, you kept going... which led to you getting together with her.

But, remember the flip side: If you start doing the WRONG things, the woman will LOSE her
ATTRACTION for you as well. And it will happen ALL BY ITSELF. The worst part is that you can't logically convince her to keep feeling attracted to you. If you screw it up, you're probably going to screw it up to a point that is almost impossible to fix.

More of the "psychology" of creating and amplifying attraction is here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/AttractionBook

GIVE HER THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU

What do most guys do as soon as they meet a REALLY HOT, ultra-attractive woman?

Of course! They call three times a day, and want to see her all the time.

Attractive women know better than to do this.

When an attractive woman meets a man she likes, she usually PLAYS HARD TO GET. Instead of calling, she acts like she's BUSY.

This makes the man try even harder, and pursue her even more...

It sounds like you did exactly the opposite.

In your email here you say:

"Well, over the next two weeks or so, I kept coming over and doing things during the days with
her and staying at night. This is when things began to change..."

No no no!

Over the next two weeks you should have called her every few days, and seen her maybe three times for a few hours each.

No "doing things during the days with her and staying at night"!

You really need to remember to GIVE HER THE GIFT OF MISSING YOU!

If you're around all the time, you become predictable, expected, and uninteresting.

On the other hand, if you're mysterious, challenging, and hard to pin down, she will think
about you and miss the times she's had with you.

DON'T TURN INTO A WUSS

This is one of the biggest mistakes that men make when they meet a woman that they REALLY like.

I get a lot of emails from guys saying "I met this girl, and I used everything I've learned from
Double Your Dating to get her... but now that we've been seeing each other for awhile things are
changing, and I'm starting to lose control of how I act... and I'm turning into my old Wussy
self..."

As I'm sure you can guess, this is bad bad bad for attraction.

When you start out by doing things that are attractive to her, then gradually turn into a WUSS
BAG, you go from her wildest dream to her worst nightmare right in front of her eyes.

If you figure out how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, then KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

Don't start being a clingy Wuss. Translation: Don't spend every day and night with her, don't
buy her groceries, and don't try to get her into a relationship fifteen minutes after you meet her.

You also mentioned a few little words that stood out for me: "I kept coming over...".

YOU kept coming over. When you're the one coming to her, then she's the one in control.
Think about it. This is a small point, and it isn't always the case, but in this situation it makes a difference.

So, what should you do now?

You should give her some space. Don't call her more than once or twice a week, and don't see her
more than once or twice a week for awhile. Don't pressure her physically, and don't try to push for a relationship.

DATE OTHER WOMEN! Get out there and go out with some other women... and when you talk to her don't hide the fact that you're doing it. Be casual about it, but feel free to mention it in
conversation once or twice.

GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE

Don't get hung up, don't obsess about her, and don't make it important to "win her back". Just
move on.

This combination will give you the greatest chance of winning her back...

And the next time you meet a beautiful woman that has an interesting personality, DON'T TURN INTO A PREDICTABLE, BORING, CLINGY, WUSSY!

You've done a great job getting this far. Now get back in there and take this to the next level!

And if you're reading this right now and thinking to yourself "I need to learn this stuff so I can meet beautiful women like this guy...", then we have to talk.

One of the most important insights I've gotten from learning the secrets of how to attract women
is very interesting...

I've realized that if a man doesn't know how to attract women, it spills over into all other areas
of his life. It's a very special kind of insecurity that causes a lot of problems in other areas as well.

Let's face it.

Just about everything that men do to achieve material success in life is somehow connected to
ATTRACTING WOMEN.

But guess what?

Material success won't make the INSECURITY and the FEAR go away!

The only thing that WILL make it go away is actually LEARNING how to attract women.

I know, because I've been there. I can CLEARLY remember how different I felt inside when I had no idea how to meet women... and I know how different it feels now that I do.

My relationships work better, because I'm not acting AFRAID... afraid that she's going to leave,
afraid I won't be able to find someone else... etc.

And when I'm single, I'm happy. I don't constantly worry anymore, not knowing if I'll ever
meet another woman.

I personally think that taking the time to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION is one of
the best investments you will ever make in yourself and your life, period.

It might be THE best investment.

If you'd like to get the best training available in the WORLD, then you need to get yourself a copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD Program.

It's a complete education, from the psychology of how to overcome fear and improve your self
image, all the way to specific techniques for approaching, meeting, and dating women... and even
how to take things to a "physical level" without rejection.

I absolutely guarantee that this program will change your success with women.

All the details, plus some great free audio and video samples are here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/AdvancedSeries

If you've gone through my Advanced Dating Techniques program, and you enjoyed the INNER GAME aspects of attracting women... and you've realized that REALLY attractive women are more attracted to INNER qualities than "techniques"... AND you want to learn how to become the kind of man that women are NATURALLY attracted to... and that they STAY attracted to...

...then you REALLY need to check out my program: "On Being A Man... Who Naturally Attracts
Women".

Inside this program you'll learn how to develop the QUALITIES inside YOURSELF that women are "naturally" attracted to.

This program will teach you how to leave your "Inner Wuss" behind, and how to cultivate a
natural masculine power that women find literally IRRESISTIBLE.

All the details are here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/OnBeingAMan

And if you haven't taken the time to download my online eBook "Double Your Dating", then you
need to go and do that RIGHT NOW. You can download it right now and be reading it within a few minutes. Go and get it here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/eBook

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

'Chemistry' And 'Sexual Tension' Explained

2009-07-21T01:09:00.000-07:00

NOTE: Somewhere in this newsletter I reveal to you
an almost "magical" technique... This particular technique is one of those "gems" that you can use in many situations with women... one that has the power to instantly transform the energy between you and a woman into an almost INSTANT ATTRACTION...

Here's an interesting thought:

Ask 100 attractive women if they know what the
words "Chemistry" and "Sexual Tension" mean, they'll all nod their heads and say "Of course!".

Ask 100 guys off the street if they know what the
words "Chemistry" and "Sexual Tension" mean, and about
98 of them will give you a dumb look and say "Uh, not
really".

A few will probably say things like "Um, is Sexual
Tension like when you and a chick are having sex in
a weird position and you get a cramp?".

The reality of this situation is that most attractive
women know EXACTLY what Chemistry and Sexual Tension
are... and they can describe them in DETAIL... but
most men have literally NO IDEA... they're completely
clueless.

Think about that.

I'm talking about an incredible phenomenon here...

How is it POSSIBLE that one of the most important
aspects of attracting a woman is something that most
men know NOTHING about?

And how is it that almost ALL attractive women are
totally "in the know" about this stuff?

Is there some kind of strange conspiracy against
men?

Are women keeping a secret from us guys just so
we won't be able to break the code?

Maybe.

I mean, think about it...

If you were an attractive woman, would you want
to find a guy that you had to TEACH the concepts of
Chemistry and Sexual Tension to... or would you want
a guy who just "got it" on his own... "naturally"?

Duh.

You'd want the guy who already "got it".

So more likely than a conspiracy against clueless
men, women just naturally respond to men who GET IT,
and DON'T respond to men who DON'T.

So let's talk about these concepts a little bit
more.

When a woman uses the word "Chemistry", as in
"There was chemistry between us" or "I want to meet
a man and have natural chemistry", she's talking about
ATTRACTION.

Chemistry is about a woman perceiving that
she and a guy are "naturally compatible" because
her emotional and physical sparks fly when she
meets or is around that guy.

NOTE: I did NOT use the word "logical" here.

Chemistry is NOT the result of a woman meeting
a man and then thinking to herself "Let's see...
he is six feet tall, has a good job making 37% more
than the medial salary, is the correct age for child
rearing... I think that we have a natural chemistry...".

Nooooo way.

For a woman, Chemistry is either THERE, or it ISN'T.

There's no two ways about it.

Unfortunately, most guys hear the word "Chemistry"
and they think it somehow equates to "The guy must
be good-looking so the girl thinks he's sexy... and
since I'm NOT the most handsome guy alive, women won't
feel it with ME".

This is only because most guys don't get that you
can make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you REGARDLESS
of your looks, age, income, height, or anything else.

So let me repeat:

"Chemistry is about a woman perceiving that she
and a guy are "naturally compatible" because her emotional
and physical sparks fly when she meets or is around
that guy."

Now let's talk about Sexual Tension.

Sexual Tension is about the interaction.

It's that feeling you get when you're in the presence
of someone you're attracted to, but there are OBSTACLES,
ANTICIPATION, HUMOR, and/or other ingredients in the
mix that both increase the ATTRACTION, and increase
the TENSION in the situation.

Sexual Tension is the combination of being pulled
toward someone, but also feeling resistance at the
same time.

It's about not knowing what's going to happen,
but being on the edge of your seat WANTING to know
what's going to happen.

Think of it this way...

If a woman KNOWS that she has you right from the
beginning, she won't be as interested... this is why
so many guys kill their chances with a girl instantly
by going "overboard" and doing too many things to
demonstrate his interest.

But if she DOESN'T know whether or not you're interested,
and you keep the mystery up, while making her more
and more interested, she will think about you ALL
THE TIME.

This is creating Chemistry, and increasing the
Sexual Tension.

Will a woman feel more ATTRACTION for a guy who
always talks to her when he sees her, always calls
her, and is always available?

No.

She'll feel more attraction if he's more mysterious,
challenging, and unpredictable.

Remember, Sexual Tension is GOOD for attraction,
not bad for it...

So let's talk about some great ways to create Sexual
Tension... which will NATURALLY lead to that magical
feeling of CHEMISTRY.

Here are a few of my favorite ways to create and
amplify Sexual Tension:

BE COCKY & FUNNY

Being Cocky & Funny, or using Cocky Comedy, is
a fun, interesting, enjoyable way to create and amplify
Sexual Tension.

The formula is:

Start with an arrogant thought, then add humor to
complete.

If you're standing in line waiting for your coffee,
and you notice an attractive woman behind the counter,
you could say "Hurry up, you're not working fast enough"
in a serious tone of voice.

That's arrogant. It's cocky. But it's not at all
FUNNY.

You'd sound like a jerk-off if you said that in
a cold way.

If instead you said "Hey, since you like me and
this line is always long, how about if I just walk
to the front from now on and you give me free coffee?"...

Now that's a whole different story.

If that same girl behind the counter goes to take
your money, and drops it, you could say "You're a
klutz, watch what you're doing".

If you did, you'd sound rude and stupid.

On the other hand, if you start shaking your head,
roll your eyes, and breath out through your nose loudly
in a dramatic way like you're completely annoyed with
her (in a funny way), you're going to make her laugh.

Good thing.

These are examples of being Cocky & Funny, or using
Cocky Comedy.

WAIT TO CALL HER

What do most guys do when they get a girl's number
or email address?

Right, then call or write three minutes later.

"Hi, it was great meeting you a few minutes ago...
so, what are you doing?"

OUCH.

Calling or writing a woman immediately is one good
way to destroy any anticipation or Sexual Tension
that was present in the moment.

On the other hand, if you call up two days later
and say "Hey, what up? I'm busy tonight, and tomorrow,
but let's do something on Friday. Here's my number,
call me... I gotta go..." that's a TOTALLY different
type of communication.

By day two, she's already wondering why you haven't
called, wondering if you're getting back together
with your ex that she's imagining being a model...
and generally beginning to wonder if and when you're
going to call.

Waiting builds tension. Do it. And do it after
the FIRST call as well. Learn to become comfortable
not knowing what's going on... and waiting to find
out. It's MUCH better.

TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK

This is the ultimate formula for AMPLIFYING a woman's
anticipation, arousal, and interest in you.

Moving two steps forward, and one step back takes
Sexual Tension, and it DIALS IT UP.

The idea is simple:

Every time you make "progress" in a romantic way
with a woman, STOP. Then lean back.

For instance, if you have been talking to her,
and you start holding hands... after a few minutes,
TAKE YOUR HAND BACK.

Then lean back physically, and move away from her
for a little while.

If you wind up kissing a little while later, STOP
kissing her, and lean back again.

Get it?

Women don't get turned on quite the same way men
do.

Men are on/off switches.

Women are volume knobs... that need to be turned
up gradually.

If you show some self-control, make her feel good,
and then go two forward, one back you will give a
woman an experience she'll really enjoy, and won't
forget...

TEASE HER

Women LOVE teasing when it's done in the right
way.

Some people think of teasing as "making fun of"...

Now I DO love to make fun of women... but I'm talking
about a different type of teasing right now.

I'm talking about the type of teasing where you
give someone a LITTLE BIT of what they want, then
take it away so they want it MORE.

I'm talking about leaning in to kiss a woman, then
stopping right before you kiss her... so she can feel
your lips just about to touch hers, and then staying
there for just a moment...

...and then LEANING BACK.

You're teasing her.

You know that she wants you to kiss her, but you're
NOT kissing her.

You're in control, and she loves it, hates it, and
WANTS IT.

Teasing creates this Sexual Tension rapidly.

You can tease in many ways...

Next time you're buying something, when the girl
behind the counter reaches out to take your money,
put it in her hand, then quickly take it away as she
grabs it.

That's teasing.

It's fun, and you can use it almost everywhere
for the enjoyment of both you and her...

ANOTHER REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE

Let's say you and a woman are out together, and
you're enjoying your evening.

She decides to throw out one of those types of
questions that you're not expecting, but that seem
DESIGNED to throw you off...

She asks the question... "Do you think we'll ever
have sex?"

Now , most men will answer "I hope so" or "why,
do you want to?"

Sexual Tension KILLED.

She asks "Do you think we'll ever have sex"...

You answer "Only in your dreams... and calm down,
just because I'm out with you doesn't mean I'm going
to sleep with you"...

Sexual Tension AMPLIFIED.

When she asked the question, she was TESTING you...
she wanted to know if you were going to bite down
on the bait. She was finding out if you were REALLY
as in control as it seemed.

You either pass or fail those.

The more you watch for, listen for, and pay attention
to Sexual Tension, the more you'll begin to NOTICE
it.

And the more you NOTICE IT, the more you can start
to control it, amplify it, and direct it.

A FAVORITE WAY TO CREATE CHEMISTRY AND SEXUAL TENSION

I'm going to share a FANTASTIC technique with you
right now, so turn on your thinking cap, and remember
this one.

This is a great way to let a woman know that you
understand Sexual Tension and Chemistry, while at the
same time CREATING THEM.

Let's use a real-world situation.

Maybe you had responded to a few online personals,
and some women have written you back...

And lets say that one of the women said "tell me
more about yourself", etc.

Let's further say that in her online personal profile
she mentioned that she loved cats...

You might write her back, and say:

"Here's a litte more about me... I'm sitting on my
favorite chair, reading a magazine. You walk into
the room, and the air shifts... you slowly and carefully
walk up to where I'm sitting, and rub up against my
leg... I look down at you, and you look back at me...
"Meow", you say... I reach down, and gently stroke
your head... and you go running away... like a typical
kitty cat..."

If you are acting like a MAN, being Cocky & Funny,
communicating that you're in control of yourself and
the situation, etc., something like this can be MAGICAL.

A story like this one communicates sooooo many
things at once... things that would take you literally
weeks of "regular" communication to convey to her.

A little story like this one, at just the right
time can create so much Sexual Tension, and spark the
Chemistry so fast that you'll often INSTANTLY take
things to a different level with a woman.

Now, there's a very important factor that you MUST
understand...

You CANNOT do this, create a little story like
this, and try to use this way of talking to a woman
if you're acting like a WUSSY.

This can only be used in the context of you having
communicated that you're a MAN... and one that understands
ATTRACTION, at that.

If you try to do this kind of thing before you've
communicated that you're a masculine, powerful guy,
you're only going to make a woman RUN away.

So now that you understand Chemistry and Sexual
Tension... and finally had someone explain these amazing
concepts to you... what's the best way to learn the
other keys to making women feel ATTRACTION for you?

In fact, what's the best way to get the very best
education on how to become more successful with women
and dating available ANYWHERE?

My Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program is
the way.

This program was designed from the ground up to
show you every aspect of how to become more successful
with women and dating...

It will teach you everything from how to overcome
fear and shyness, to how to approach women and get
phone numbers, to how to get dates, to how to take
things to a "physical level" without rejection.

And I explain everything in plain, easy-to-understand
language, just like I explained to you how Chemistry
And Sexual Tension work in this newsletter...

The only difference is that you get to not only
hear me/see me live, but I get a lot more time to go
into DEPTH on all the issues.

It's like having me personally coach you through
all the steps, right in your home.

This is the program that I wish I had when I started
learning this stuff... it would have saved me at LEAST
a few YEARS and all kinds of hassle, money, and energy.

Go check it out. It will increase your success
with women and dating DRAMATICALLY.

All the details, plus some great free audio
and video samples are here:

http://www.DoubleYourDatingSystem.com/e/AdvancedSeries/

And if you haven't downloaded my online eBook "Double
Your Dating" yet, then go and do that now. It's a
great introduction to my ideas and techniques. You
can download it now and be reading it in just a few
minutes from right now. It's here:

http://www.DoubleYourDatingSystem.com/e/eBook/

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

How To Make Her Think About You

2009-07-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

If you've seen the classic cult movie "Swingers", then you probably remember the part where the guys are discussing how long a guy should wait to call a woman after he's gotten her phone number.

The scene really hits home for a lot of guys because it gets down to a real-world situation that we all confront and ponder.

I get a lot of emails from guys asking me what to do in this very situation.

The more I've thought about it, the more I realize that this particular question (and the answer to it) are part of a bigger, more important CONCEPT about how to deal with women.

Let me explain.

When a guy asks me "How long should I wait to call her?" this immediately tells me a few things:

1) The guy doesn't feel like he's in control of the situation. If he felt like he was in control, then it he wouldn't ask, because it wouldn't matter.

2) The guy doesn't really "get" how male/female attraction works. If he did get it, then he'd be
thinking in those terms rather than trying to figure out the exact best amount of time to wait before calling.

To put it differently, the "when do I call her back?" problem is part of a bigger concept, and once you understand that bigger concept better, then you'll have an automatic feel for when to call a woman back.

Most guys don't "get" one simple point:

If you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you, then you must behave differently than if you want her to feel that "just friends" feeling.

In the world of ATTRACTION, things are completely different.

For instance, our moms taught all of us guys to "be nice" to women. This usually includes being sweet and complimentary when first meeting them, answering all of their questions directly, and giving them what they want when they want it.

But if you want a woman to feel that INSTANT GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION right from the beginning, then you're going to have to put aside this kind of thinking, and start learning some NEW ideas.

For instance:

1) A challenge is generally attractive to women.

2) Teasing and being evasive is generally attractive to women.

3) Making fun of a woman's appearance in a flirty way, as counter-intuitive as it might sound, can lead to ATTRACTION.

- By the way, psychology is one of my VERY favorite topics, and the psychology of creating attraction is FASCINATING. If you're as interested in it as I am, then you should check this out as well:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com

I'm trying to communicate the idea that when you're dealing with ATTRACTION, you have to put aside old "normal" ways of thinking and behaving.

I would like to mention one more point before getting into the specifics here...

These days, people are becoming very sensitive to having "techniques" used on them.

If a salesman uses a sales technique on us, we immediately get defensive and resistant.

If a panhandler asks for money in a way that smells of "tricks or "techniques" we pass them by
without pity.

If a business treats us like a "thing" or a
number instead of an individual person, we avoid
them or buy elsewhere.

We humans don't like having manipulation techniques used on us, and when we detect that someone or something is using one to get the better of us, we resist.

So let's get back to the "how long to wait before calling her back" issue.

If you think about it, every situation is slightly different. One time you might meet a woman in the morning at coffee, and another time you might meet a woman at a club at 1 in the morning.

If you wait too long to call her back, I think you run the risk of seeming like you're just using a technique on her and you come across as a player who's trying to do your thing on her.

When deciding how long to wait before you call or email, I think it's important to ask yourself this question:

"What will likely INCREASE THE ATTRACTION in this situation?"

Here are a couple of ideas I have used with great success:

1) Email instead of calling first. I personally email the next day. I'll start with a charming email to get the conversation started and then tell her that I'm going to call in a day or two. This has the effect of making contact with her relatively quickly, but still creating anticipation because you haven't actually talked.

2) Call the next day, and make a joke about the situation. I might call and say, "Yeah, I was watching Swingers and they said to wait three days to call, but I was kind of in more of a one day
mood..."

If you didn't get her email address and you MUST use the phone, just do your best to avoid being AVERAGE.

I personally believe that our attention spans as humans are getting shorter and shorter. We ave
more and more information coming in from television, newspapers and other sources - and we're getting cultural A.D.D. I think that if you wait too long, you're risking either being seen as using a technique, or risking being forgotten altogether.

But if you make the opposite mistake and call too soon (for instance a few hours later), you run
the risk of being seen as a needy Wuss who has no life.

In past newsletters, I have written about why it's important to leave immediately after getting a woman's email and/or number.

How long you should wait to call her back is a natural extension of this.

As a matter of fact, if you get a woman's email/number and then you keep coming over to talk to her, it can almost be seen as waiting 5 minutes to call her.

There's no anticipation, and it says all the wrong things.

A couple of other quick pointers for when you're making that first call:

1) Be busy. If you're going to ask her to join you for tea or something similar, make sure you mention two times that you're busy for every one time that you're available.

2) Don't linger on the phone. Make that first call short and to the point. If you stay on the phone for more than a few minutes, you're running the risk of getting into a normal "What do you do?", "Where do you live?", "Where did you go to school?" conversation. Avoid this.

To summarize, when in doubt wait a day or so to contact her again.

But more importantly, think about the situation in terms of anticipation and ATTRACTION, so when you do make contact it creates the correct context.

And now I have another question...

Do you enjoy learning the PSYCHOLOGY of how to create ATTRACTION with women? And do you enjoy learning the psychology of how to create more internal confidence... and how to overcome your "Inner Game" psychological issues?

Yeah, me too.

In fact, I think that the PSYCHOLOGY of success with women and dating is the MOST interesting part.

One more question...

Would you like to get an IN-DEPTH education in how to "fix" your Inner Game issues, and become the kind of man that women are searching for?

Of course, if you'd like to get my best thinking on how to deal with different situations and make a woman feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for you, then you need to read my book
"Double Your Dating". It's full of all my best thinking and ideas about how to attract the kinds
of women that you've always wanted. Just go to:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/eBook

I'll teach you the techniques I use personally to overcome fear, approach women, get phone numbers, and get dates... and even how I take things to a "physical" level with women.

Best part?

I'll send it to you to try at MY RISK...

Test it all out, and if it doesn't work, just send it back to me and I'll refund you, no hassles.

And I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

How To Start A Conversation With ANY Woman

2009-07-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why some guys can walk
right up to attractive women and start
conversations... but most guys can't?

I KNOW that you know what I'm talking about.

We all know guys who have the "talent" of
striking up conversations with women...
conversations that women actually ENJOY.

And even though they were just AVERAGE-looking
guys, women always found them SEXY... and wanted
to get to know them better.

Well, I honestly believe that I've unlocked the
SECRET KEYS that these guys use.

They will give you the confidence to walk right
up to a woman and start talking... and walk away
with her number and a "date" lined up... even if
you've NEVER done it before.

Here are just a few of the specifics you'll
learn in the program:

- The one word to say at the very beginning of
your approach that DOUBLES your chances of being
successful

- How to INSTANTLY stand out from every other man
that has ever approached her - so a woman knows you
are an opportunity she shouldn't DARE pass up

- The 10 things that PREVENT you from approaching
women - broken down and explained (I had to deal
with each one of these 10 things personally - if
you're having problems starting conversations with
women I GUARANTEE one of them is on this list -
AND that I can show you a quick and easy way to
ELIMINATE IT.)

- A surefire way to completely eliminate that
sinking feeling you get when you see a woman you
want to approach (Use this one "in the field" to
get yourself back on track FAST.)

- A lesson from early humanity that will help you
completely destroy your fears of approaching women
FOR GOOD

- The real "genetic" reasons we are afraid of
approaching women (When you know what they are, it
is almost too easy to dispel these fears FOR
GOOD.)

- How to completely reprogram your subconscious
and turn yourself into a "machine" that approaches
any woman - anytime- in ANY situation - without
even thinking about it

- and much more...

I suggest you try this program.

37 yrs old and have been divorced for 7 yrs

2009-07-10T02:52:00.000-07:00

I may be a little skeptical, but I am 37 yrs old and have been divorced for 7 yrs. Although I have been told many times that I am an attractive guy I have had one date in the last 3 years, and I think it is because I am also overweight. I am 6'1" and weigh around 340 lbs. I am convinced that women these days are not attracted to big guys like myself. I am also one of those "nice guys". Do you really think that this cocky funny attitude that I have been reading about would really work for a guy like me? I am willing to try anything at this point

D.E.
Scranton (Pa.)

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yea, I think it would DEFINITELY work for you. In fact, I think it will work for anyone who applies themselves and figures it out.

We each have our own particular situation in life. No two are the same.

Some guys are rich and look like Brad Pitt, some guys are older and gray, some are overweight, some are bald, and some are inexperienced.

We each have our own strengths, weaknesses, and particular challenges in life.

This is one of the great things about being alive.
We get a particular hand dealt to us, and it's one of the great joys in life to figure out how to best
play it.

Honestly, from the way you explained yourself, I think that you're unhappy with your weight. In other words, it sounds to me like you've got MENTAL limitations and self-image issues... so simple techniques alone probably aren't going to solve your whole problem.

I'll bet that if you start working on your weight, while at the SAME TIME practicing the techniques you've learned here with women, the COMBINATION will yield better results.

When you improve two or more areas of your life at the same time, you'll find that you often have far better than just twice the results. But try to solve problems at the root, and not just at the branch level alone.

Very nice comment from a sharp woman

2009-07-10T02:38:00.000-07:00

***COMMENT FROM WOMAN***

Dear David,

Remember the woman that had a friend that wanted to slap the sh** out of you - you know, the crack pipe chick? That woman was right about one thing - someone needs to get slapped.

She does and so do all of her milk toast, clueless and probably dog-ugly friends! How in the world did she get "lesbian" twisted into all of that? I read the e-mail for crying out loud, and it sounds to me like this girl's in a slump that makes the Devil Rays look like World Series contenders.

Injure a woman's delicate psyche? Give me a break. I hope you guys out there don't believe a word of this girl's whiny crap. If your girlfriends agree with her, I hope you don't mind turning squishy and you better find a good recipe for strawberry daiquiris and start planning for a life filled with tupperware parties and purse shopping.

Let me set all of you guys straight who might still possibly be on the fence at this point. Get David's book. I haven't read it yet - I'm still crackin' up over the newsletter. I'm an attractive woman architect who works in a man's world and would have it no other way! I'm athletic, but still feminine. I'm pretty conservative and don't cuss (anymore) so I'm proof that it's not just the rough women that get turned on by the sport of a challenging male. David's right - I have a lot of male friends and most of them want to be more than friends. I could never put my finger on it before I started reading David's newsletters - they were nice and I've certainly dated guys that weren't nearly as good looking as them, but it's clear to me now. My guy friends are wusses. Cocky + funny = SEXY! Don't ask me why, just do it. I wish more of you would.

By the way, David, the chicks out here that read (and appreciate) your newsletter, need a formula, too.

Sincerely,

ks in Kansas City

>>>MY COMMENTS:

OK, first of all, WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU INCLUDE YOUR PHONE NUMBER?

I was just thinking to myself:

"You know, it sure would be great to meet an athletic, feminine woman with a good job... maybe an architect or something."

I don't know about the conservative, no cussing thing... maybe I could adapt.

But to my credit, I'm NOT squishy, I have NO IDEA how to make a strawberry daiquiri, and I hate purse shopping. I do, however like to host an occasional tupperware party.

Think about it and get back to me.

Oh, back to your comments...

Thank you for writing in and providing another perspective. I wish that more women would be as open and honest about what attracts them.

I personally think that women like you who have their lives together are too busy ENJOYING life to take the time out to teach the mass of WUSS-BAG men out there how to stop with the purse shopping and tupperware.

Thanks again for your email... I love sharp, honest women.

Why Women Don't Like AVERAGE Men

2009-07-10T01:49:00.000-07:00

The idea is simple: We humans don't want what everyone else has... we want what everyone else has AND MORE. In the context of women and dating, it goes like this:

WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.

Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense...

Women don't say "Oh, he's a kind, honest, loyal type of guy from a good family... AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON."

Nope.

Women say things like:

"He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"...
"I really feel something for him"... etc.

And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you... even if you're not her "physical type".

On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors, dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her
feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.

So if women don't like "average" guys, and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?

I thought you'd never ask...

First, let's talk about the word "average" and what it REALLY means.

As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say "Oh, that one is nice."

A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so no really hot woman is going to find me attractive."

My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or unusually handsome guy... but this is the extreme minority.

In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for, and
you know how to deliver.

Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her
mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.

So let's do a little exercise...

Let's figure out two things:

1) What most guys do that women see as "average", and...

2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.

First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys
do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...

If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys will either say "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna
dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.

If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress,
or some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have
a boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?"

Ugh.

These kinds of approaches can only result in you being seen as another lame, average guy.

Here are a few ideas to try instead...

If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on something.

I personally like this one:

"Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"

Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!)

If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high-traffic place, you might try something like this:

After chatting about whatever business you're doing there, say "Hey, are you single?"

I love this question! It's such a shocker, and it says all the right things. Most guys say "Do you
have a boyfriend?" which is the usual question. "Are you single?" is much more forward, and most women have to do a double take to think for a moment.

If she pauses, I say "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a laugh.

In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have to.

So after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3 Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...

Say "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or whatever)"
and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.

These two scenarios are obviously very simple, and also very easy. I've had guys say to me "Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."

Ah, but there is.

The most important difference is that you're doing something COMPLETELY different than the other 47 guys who have approached her that day... and you also know EXACTLY what you're going to do and say and the conversation progresses.

Of course, another thing you can do that will INSTANTLY separate you from the rest of the crowd is to use the idea of being "Cocky and Funny", which I teach in my eBook "Double Your Dating" and in my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

This very unique approach has helped many of my thousands of readers to dramatically increase their success with women... and to be no longer seen as AVERAGE by women.

If you haven't learned how to use the almost MAGICAL formula of being Cocky & Funny, or any of the literally hundreds of other techniques I teach, then you really need to get yourself a copy of my online eBook and a copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques program.

These two tools will DRAMATICALLY increase your success with women and dating.

You can download my online eBook here right now:

http://www.doubleyourdating.net/ebook/

So go out this week, and DON'T BE AVERAGE ANY MORE.

Talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

Secret of Sex Cues

2009-07-08T01:57:00.000-07:00

Cuing refers to the fact that many of our biological drives require an environmental cue or signal to make us aware of them. For instance, if you are busy or distracted you may not notice you're hungry until you smell some pizza. Sexual arousal works in a similar way for women. Sex cues make them aware of their sexual needs.

I was talking to a woman friend of mine over lunch. She told me that she had met a "nice guy" at this party one night but she wasn't very impressed by him or his looks. He invited her to have a drink his apartment and since the party was boring anyway she agreed to go.

To her surprise, his apartment was a charming place. The lights were low and not bright like in most apartments. Classical music was playing. And there was a large fireplace casting all kinds of soft, interesting shadows on the walls. She told me that suddenly she began to find this otherwise unattractive man more and more enticing.

I laughed at her story because I knew she was primarily responding to the sex cues in the apartment.

Yet most guys don't take advantage of purposely setting up sex cues. Their apartments are boring, stark, drab, or messy - hardly what would set a woman in the right mood for some hot sex.

Sex Cue: Colored Lighting

Good lighting can be just as effective as any mood-altering drug. With the right light, even the dumpiest room can be a place that encourages lovemaking.

Women don't like bright lights. Instead, you want to have low, indirect, and diffuse illumination that creates a provocative effect. Pink light bulbs are easy on the eyes and flattering on the skin. Red, orange, and yellow lights all resemble firelight. Using an "up" light from the floor with colored bulbs can create a dramatic effect.

Women get turned on in the presence of flickering firelight as well. Everyone looks more sexy and heroic in the glow of firelight. This doesn't mean you need to install a fireplace in your room. Just have some candles ready to be lit.

Sex Cue: Music

The right music can subliminally put a woman in the mood for sex. It's been shown that slow, "heartbeat" music makes our heart rate slow, muscles relax, posture become looser, and skin to conduct more heat. Music also helps us experience trance-like states of altered consciousness and let go of the normal, everyday distracting thoughts in her head.

Even if her response is not obviously apparent, she'll respond to music in subtle ways without conscious thought. Scientific studies show that people return to the same store more often when music that they like is playing in the background, even if they're not fully conscious of it. Scientific studies also suggest that music listening seems to encourage the release of endorphins that help to block out feelings of pain and stress.

So get yourself a stereo that can play CDs and place it in your bedroom. You'll want to get a multi-disk player that can handle three discs or more. And if you can create your own custom, MP3 file CDs on your computer, you'll want a stereo system that also plays MP3 CDs.

A budget stereo system for under $200 should get you a three-disc CD changer, a cassette player, and halfway decent speakers. This is fine for a small bedroom and you can find one at stores like Target, K-Mart, Circuit City, and Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, most manufacturers have made most of the inexpensive systems very bright and flashy, so if you want a more elegant, sophisticated look, you may end up paying more for a higher end model.

For an enhanced playing experience, and if you have the money to spare, you might want to get a package that includes a subwoofer and four speakers for true 5.1 Dolby Digital surround sound playback. True surround sound creates an enveloping sound field that comes from all directions for an almost surreal, immersing experience. Expect to pay $400 or more for such a system. Best Buy and Sound Advice carry systems in this range.

Sex Cue: Running Water

The combination of flickering candlelight with rippling water can create a uniquely spiritual, relaxing mood for lovemaking. Putting a candle next to rippling water also creates all sorts of interesting light reflections. You can usually find elegant but inexpensive fountains for as little as $20.00 in most malls.

These are just some of the more obvious sex cues you can set up in your apartment. Of course, all of the sex cues in the world won't get you laid if you lack any seductive skills, they can give you the extra edge you need.

Regards,

Derek Vitalio
Learn the Science of Seduction
http://www.seductionscience.com/

Why Do Women Show Absolutely No Romantic Interest In A Nice Guy (Like Me) Even Though They All Claim To Want To Meet A Nice Guy (Like Me)?

2009-07-07T01:02:00.000-07:00

by Mike Pilinski
© 2003 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved
http://www.highstatusmale.com/

I suppose I could have titled this article "Why Do Women Show Absolutely No Romantic Interest In A Nice Guy (Like Me) Even Though They All Claim To Want To Meet A Nice Guy (Like Me)?"

Whew! Well, maybe not. It sure is tempting though -- because in my unexpected career as the internet's new "Dear Mr. Abby", I've gotten some basic form of that question many times over in the past few months, and I'm getting sick of it. So in the interest of suppressing my e-mail a little bit, let me show you my theory of why it is that nice guys are scorned by women everywhere, and how to get around this social handicap without having to take night courses in "How to be a Jerk" at your local community college (although I hear they ARE a great place to meet sexy young women... ;-)

I'm sure you know the infuriating mantra that you've heard time and again from women --either in person or on all these stupid afternoon talk shows: "...But Oprah, there's no one to date out there, all the guys are all such jerks and losers. I just want to meet a nice guy..." Oh how they love to whine.

Well if you consider yourself to be the "nice guy" these women swear they're looking for, but you strike-out with all but the very lowest end of the female food chain anyway, then you know what royal bull**** this declaration really is. Nonetheless -- despite the fact that most of the feral women (18-35) actually date & screw the drunken lowlifes and pricks they claim to hate -- they seem determined to drill it into our heads that this happens ONLY because the right "nice guy" hasn't come-a-stumbln' into their life yet. Rrrrr-ight.

Ok, here's what's REALLY going on. As usual, women are talking in code. (They are famous for this).

When women imagine "nice guys" in their minds, what they're really dreaming about is a guy who makes them feel SAFE... but in a very *special* sort of way that preserves his male sexual attractiveness. Actually, this is not very mysterious when you think about it from the *female* perspective. To a woman, a safe guy means ONLY that you're physically harmless -- nothing more. In terms of what you could do to her emotions, well... that's a different story.

This blend of hot n' cold, exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is what she is REALLY searching for -- this is what she *lives* for. It's what she thinks of as having 'chemistry' with a guy.

The problem with being overtly nice or lap-doggishly friendly and accommodating with women is that it communicates the worse kind of SUBLIMINAL message to them. (P.S. Everything IMPORTANT that goes on between men and women in the early stages of all romantic-sexual encounters is always communicated NON-verbally. Words may be the power tools of seduction -- but it's what you DON'T actually say with words that will make or break you!). Anyway, this lousy subliminal messaging is the key to why nice guys rarely get laid.
Here's why:

'Nice-guy' behavior is NOT something that women see you as "switching on" in their presence like some well-meaning but fumbled attempt to impress them. Instead, they believe that you've been TRAINED by other, *more powerful* men in your world to act this way!

In other words, 'nice guy' is how subservient men have learned to act in the presence of stronger men in order to protect themselves from harm ("I am no threat to your status as the more dominant male... please don't hurt me... let me be your harmless, lovable side-kick..."). To women, then, "niceness" is a screaming red flashing signal of LOW MALE STATUS, and therefore...

...it is an ENORMOUS TURN OFF to them!

This is why they can't develop any sexual energy (i.e., chemistry) with nice guys, and with good reason. Nature has hardwired the female brain to seek out the most powerful male to mate with in order to produce the strongest offspring with the best chance to survive. It's the same reason why men have been hardwired to chase after women who display physical signs of youthfulness (because youthfulness = reproductive success, or viewed the other way around... old ladies = reproductive failure... i.e., no eggs left in the carton, to put it bluntly). While male and female ACTIONS may be completely different, their GOALS remain the same -- strong healthy babies to carry forth the species. This is so because "maleness" and "femaleness" are really just two different but complimentary STRATEGIES for reproduction -- and men and women are compelled to behave differently in order to executed these dissimilar strategies on one another.

You see, Nature doesn't care about hurting people's feelings -- it cares ONLY about reproductive success in order to keep those precious DNA molecules traveling forward in Time. The dance of mating & seduction -- in all creatures -- is linked inseparably to this biological imperative. Go against it and you're flying in the face of millions of years of evolution (or maybe its design, who knows?). Learn to play by it's rules... and you will win!

* * *

Anyway, being the correct sort of nice guy to women really only means being someone who is A) safe, and B) a guy that she would NOT be embarrassed to show off to her family or close (judgmental) friends. Understand that there's a lot of latitude in there between a kiss-ass wimp and a complete psycho. Your job is to find that happy middle.

* * *

Alright, some practical application of theory. It's difficult to describe exactly how to go about handling the issue of being a nice guy, but here's my best try...

You never want to ACT like a nice guy around women, but...

...you always want to SEEM like one.

Can you get a sense of what I'm trying to say here? The problem with being nice is TRYING to be nice, instead of just LETTING it happen. You can't come across as an *obvious* a nice guy -- you just have to drop enough hints around women so that you SEEM like one. Never, *EVER* broadcast your nice guy potential to women like it's something that you're proud of! Yeeesh!

Here's a few examples of what I mean:

1) When you first meet a woman that you're attracted to, you must establish a NON-verbal line of communication in a way that provokes stirrings of instinctual mating thoughts in her subconscious "deep" brain. In other words, you need to transmit your interest in her in a man-woman sexual-potential way *without* actually speaking any words to that effect! Nice trick, eh? Actually it's easy... two ways in which you can do this are with extended eye contact and brief, non-offensive touches. Both casual, but unmistakable in their true meaning to her.

2) Drop HINTS about you're capacity to be a nice guy, but don't demonstrate it -- otherwise you will come off like a complete kiss-ass. Do this by A) slipping in suggestions of having strong family-friends relationships in your life (a sign to women that you're "connected & normal"), or B) that you have something exciting going on in your life -- either at work, as a hobby, or perhaps a recent adventure of some kind.

Here's an example from my own experiences. I used to work for a photography company. Sounds exciting, eh? Not really. The amount of time I spent with a camera in my hand was less than 5% of the total time I was there. I mostly did boring lab work and mechanical "McGuiver" tricks to keep a lot of old, over-used equipment up and running. But maybe a half dozen to 20 times a year, I got to fly around in light planes shooting aerial pictures around the Western New York area for various commercial clients.

So when I'm chatting up a girl, sometimes I'll work in a quick little anecdote that's drawn from one of my old flying jobs. Like how the snowpack collecting on Lake Erie forms such beautifully colored cracks in the greenish ice sheets during the height of mid-winter. But I make nothing more of it, all very nonchalant... and I DON'T fully explain how I came into the position of flying around the area and making such an observation in the first place. Is it through work? A hobby?... What am I involved in that would give me an opportunity to view this natural wonder? Business travel? What?

She's at least a little bit curious about me now, but she's not comfortable asking questions since I've just rolled over the subject quickly and she doesn't really know me well enough yet. Besides, (and this is important to understand) she LIKES not knowing! Mystery! Intrigue! I've suggested to her in an off-hand way that I'm a productive guy (safe & normal) who's into SOMETHING that's kind of fascinating and possibly making me good money -- but without revealing too much about what it is, and especially NOT explaining every last detail in the droll, somewhat braggartly way that is the hallmark of the boring-as- hell nice guy.

You can drop hints about family ("connections", i.e. I'm not a lonely, desperate hermit) or whatever in a similar manner to show her that you're an okay (nice?) guy without piercing the delicate bubble of MYSTERY that must envelope every seduction.

Now you're "in like Flynn" in terms of getting your foot in the door to her heart (this is only Step 1 remember). Why? Because she's made the determination in her *subconscious* mind (where it really counts) that you "seem" like a nice guy beneath an otherwise dominant male presentation of yourself, and that piques her interest immensely.

You are a rare encounter in the universe of men that breaks down into either sappy, boring "nice guys" or worthless (but, alas, exciting) pricks. Your stock has gone up at the moment it matters most... that make or break moment OF FIRST ENCOUNTER. No matter what "flaws" you might otherwise imagine yourself to have, you have become interesting to her in a way that AT LEAST she'll never categorize as friggin' "nice". NOW you have a shot!

Why Your Tribal Brain Makes You Nervous

2009-07-07T00:45:00.000-07:00

Let me share with you a little secret about how all men's brains - including YOURS - is wired when approaching woman.

Have you ever thought to yourself, WHY do I get nervous or anxious when approaching a woman? After all, if you approach 5 or 6 new women every day, if you could be absolutely fearless and confident with women, your love and sex life would probably explode. So why would you get nervous and anxious at all -- seems like your brain isn't doing what's best for you does it?

Just take me, for example. Normally, I can approach any women, anytime, anywhere. Even if I screw an approach up, I usually feel fine about it and it doesn't stop me from making the next one.

However, last weekend I was at one of my sister's parties. The place was packed with single girls. Yet when I saw a girl I liked, I would freeze up and this little voice in my head would tell me, "What if you screw up... maybe you shouldn't do this... be careful!"

I just couldn't get that little voice out of my head and I left the party after only an hour because I was getting frustrated with myself.

So how come I could approach an anonymous woman on the street who I'll probably never see again, and yet feel anxious about approaching a woman at one of my sister's parties?

The answer lies in how humans evolved. For most of history, men and women lived in small groups of hunters and gatherers of no more than 100 individuals. If you made a move on ANY woman - and she rejected your advances - EVERYONE would know about it. And that would mean MASSIVE negative social proof with all of your potential mates. Because if one woman rejected you, you'd look like a loser to ALL of the other women you could mate with. You'd seriously jeopardize your ability to ever get laid again and have children.

So your shyness and nervousness is actually a DEFENSE to protect you from looking like a reject in the tribal setting. And that's why, when my sister and her friends were watching me that night at the party, I FROZE UP. After all, if I screwed my approach up with any girl, my sister and ALL of her friends would have seen me - and that would have looked really bad!

However, in today's world we DON'T live in small bands of hunters and gatherers. We DON'T have to worry about one rejection influencing all of the other females (potential mates) we know. In fact, in today's world, when we have the opportunity to approach a woman, we're COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS. We can screw up badly and there are ABSOLUTELY NO CONSEQUENCES!

So we've spent millions of years adapting to an environment where rejection from a girl could mean disastrous consequences - and only in the last few hundred years has the situation completely changed. In other words, what was once a useful strategy for being genetically successful (ie. being cautious when approaching women) is no longer a successful genetic strategy at all!

In today's modern society of anonymity, being nervous, shy, or cautious is DISASTROUS as far as getting laid. Shyness is a computer program in your brain, evolved over millions of years, that is meant to help you and protect you -- but now only hinders you. Times have changed, but your brain hasn't.

That's why you need advanced techniques that change the very core of your psychology from the inside out! And that's one of the reasons you need advanced seduction technology, including hypnosis and NLP... so that you won't be prisoner to millions of years of evolutionary programming like everyone else.

Regards,
Derek Vitalio

Learn the Science of Seduction
http://www.seductionscience.com/

You Became a Social Coward by Accident

2009-07-04T15:52:00.000-07:00

- by Mike Pilinski --

© 2003 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved
http://www.highstatusmale.com/

I'll bet the following statement is true for any guy reading this who doesn't do well with the ladies: You don't really understand what it is you're doing WRONG that makes you so unattractive to women... for the *exact same reason* that "Casanova" who scores left and right with them doesn't understand what he's doing RIGHT.

Huh? Read that again if you have to. Both YOU and Casanova are essentially clueless as to why you ended up the way that you are in terms of your skill levels (or lack there of) when it comes to charming and seducing women. Of course, Mr. Casanova isn't unhappy about his situation, right? But you sure are.

Theory Time: I believe that both sets of behaviors which lie at opposite ends of the spectrum are the result of accidents that occurred when you were both just beginning to notice girls in a different light (sexually)... sheer random incidents which involved elements of good or bad luck, and nothing more.

It went like this: YOUR first trial and error experiences occurred with a girl that simply DIDN'T LIKE YOU (probably because of personal issues that had nothing to do with you, but so what?)

You thus ended up with a completely negative reinforcement of your early efforts at seduction and socialization. This awkward and possibly *shameful* first try at romance robbed you of the critical early confidence you needed to keep on experimenting and practicing your skills. It kicked off a descending spiral of inaccurate behaviors that led to more and more failures with women as time passed, further stunting your social development.

More failure resulted in a complete loss of confidence, growing social ineptitude and a withdrawal from the game of flirting and even attempting to seduce women. Your behavioral changes might've progressed to episodes of delusional thinking, dark fantasies, etc. In other words, your *character* changed to make it even less likely that you could successfully interact with women, and voila'... a "nerd" was born.

Casanova, on the other hand -- due to simple GOOD fortune and nothing else -- may've tried the exact same moves during his adolescence just as you did, but HE happened to choose a girl that LIKED him, and therefore responded to his fumbling first efforts favorably. Get the picture?... a positive reaction to the exact same inept moves that you made! Merely because of random good luck, he happened to choose to work a girl who responded to him in an emotionally reinforcing way.

This "big break" (that you didn't get) gave Casanova confidence AND positive social feedback -- which further provided a laboratory to fine tune his behaviors. Perhaps he even grew up in an environment that supported or encouraged those initial experimental behaviors -- a supportive older sister or a female friend that he could talk to in confidence whenever he needed advice? Someone to make the female psyche seem less mysterious and intimidating? You, on the other hand, may've grown up in an all-male environment where women seemed remote and unfathomable. Possibly your every move in this arena was met with scorn or ridicule whenever you actually tried to act, making you even more gun shy.

You learned to associate fear and paralysis with the idea of courting a woman.

Anyway, here's my point: Your downward turn could've just as easily have been an upward turn had your luck been good instead of bad with those first experiences. I believe that this element of LUCK is more pivotal in our lives that most of us realize. The timing of the luck is critical. It sets the stage for the interplay of key events upon which your self-image is manufactured in fits and starts. You see, there is really no fundamental difference between the Social Casanova and the Social Coward. Both are simply the end result of being turned in different directions at a critical point in their lives.

Stated differently, your current status as a social coward is all "nurture" (or in your case, lack of it...) and NOT "nature". You out there reading this trying to find some edge with women are no more genetically programmed to fail socially than the Casanova is to succeed... you both simply LEARNED how to do it as you traveled along divergent social-life paths.

Think about it... What if that first nervous reach for affection had gone differently? What if that first girl you ever asked out had said yes and became your "girlfriend" instead of laughing in your face and running off to tell her friends what a loser you were? Imagine how your social skills and confidence would've improved over the subsequent months and years if that time had been spent in social interaction (good, bad or ugly) with women instead of social isolation? It would've given you a whole different concept of yourself and made you an entirely different person than you are today.

And to think that it all turned on that one damned UN-lucky first break!

It's time to stop handing random chance the power to direct your destiny. Time to make a course correction back into the world of the living (and the socializing). There are techniques to make it easier than you might think, but it all begins with a decision not to let the faded echo of a long-ago negative event continue to shape your life. And until you make that decision, nothing will ever really change for you.

How to Be Calm, Balanced, and Positive, No Matter What’s Going On

2009-06-09T02:01:00.000-07:00

by Brenda Shoshanna

Everyone wants to be beautiful, young, healthy, and fit. Available diets and workouts have no end. Yet, the most important diet has been overlooked—this is a diet that releases stress, lets you sleep soundly at night, reduces cravings, makes you feel young, and brings wonderful possibilities into your life. This is a diet that gets rid of the number one toxin that destroys well-being: anger.

Road rage, school shootings, depression, workplace violence, addiction, and even the national obesity epidemic are manifestations of this great problem gripping our society. Anger has many faces. It appears in various forms and creates different consequences. Overt anger is the simplest to deal with and understand, but unfortunately, most anger lurks beneath the surface. As it often does not come to our awareness, it manifests in endless, hidden ways—as depression, anxiety, apathy, or hopelessness, among others.

Today, we fear all kinds of external enemies. It is not so easy to realize, however, that the worst enemy we face is the anger that resides within us, the terror it causes, and the way this poison affects so much of our lives. It is one thing to be told to calm down or to forgive one another. It is another to know how to do this. Even though we may want to forgive, anger can keep arising, disrupting our bodies, minds, and spirits.

However, we can take many specific steps to root this toxin out of our lives. As we do, the results will be reflected not only in our mental and emotional well-being but also in our environment and physical health. Love and forgiveness arise naturally, and our lives and relationships become all they are meant to be.

A Few of the 24 Forms of Anger

The first step in rooting anger out of our lives is to become aware of it. It is crucial that we recognize the many ways in which anger camouflages itself. When anger is allowed to remain camouflaged and hidden, it holds us in its grip. By recognizing the different forms of anger we begin the important step of replacing each one with a healthy antidote, thus letting it go. As we do this, it is easy to see that anger is a choice we make. By choosing to replace our angry responses with life-giving, constructive ones we can stop anger on the spot.

1.Straightforward anger, attack. This is anger that is clear-cut and easy to recognize. The anger comes right out. Many regret it afterward, feeling that they couldn’t control themselves. This kind of anger has a life of its own; it rises like a flash flood and can easily turn into verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

2.Hypocrisy. You are angry, but you hide it beneath a smile and present a false persona, pretending to be someone that you’re not. This behavior evolves into bad faith of all kinds. Although you think that you are fooling others, in truth, you are losing yourself and your own self-respect.

3.Depression. Depression is pervasive these days, and it ranges the gamut from mild to severe. Depression is anger and rage turned against oneself. It comes from not being able to identify or appropriately express the anger one is feeling. It then simply turns into depression attacks against the person who is experiencing it.

Steps to Dissolving Anger

Needless to say, we can take many different steps to undo different forms of anger. The important point to realize is that anger can be dissolved in a moment. We can choose to see things differently. We can choose to have a different response.

It takes only a moment to escalate a situation, and in that same moment the trouble can be de-escalated. We must stop in the middle of automatic anger that arises and take charge of what is going on. We can and must decide that we will not let anger take over and rule. We have the right and responsibility to choose how we will respond.

1.Straightforward attack. Stop in the middle of a situation in which you feel angry or are being attacked. Rather than responding in a knee-jerk manner, say to yourself, “Like me, this person has suffered. Like me, this person wants to be happy. Like me, this person experiences loneliness and loss.” As you do this, you are recognizing the similarities and common humanity you share, rather than focusing on the differences. For a moment, allow the person to be right. You have plenty of time to be right later. Ask yourself what is more important to you, to be “right” or to be free of anger? Choose compassion, and see how you feel. See how the other feels as well. Watch new vistas open in your life.

2.Hypocrisy. When you notice yourself pretending, lying, exaggerating, or deceiving, stop. Tell the truth at that moment. Be the truth. If you do not know what the truth is, be silent, and become aware of what the deepest truth is for you. This does not mean pouring out negativity or blaming the other. It means taking responsibility for what is real and true for you. This will not only restore goodwill; it will also connect you with what is most meaningful in your life.

3.Depression. Make friends with yourself today. When we are depressed, we reject, hate, and blame ourselves. Undo this false state of mind. Find five things you admire and respect about who you are. Focus on sharing your good qualities with another. In depression we are only absorbed with ourselves. A wonderful antidote is to become absorbed with how you can reach out to help another.

As we root anger out of our lives and find meaningful substitutions, not only our lives but the lives of our loved ones, friends, and acquaintances will be lifted and enhanced. Try the full anger diet and see.

** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways.html

Author's Bio
A psychologist, relationship expert, speaker, and author, Dr. Shoshanna has a therapy practice in Manhattan. This article is based on her most recent book, The Anger Diet (30 Days To Stress-Free Living) (http://www.theangerdiet.com). A national speaker, workshop leader, and longtime student and practitioner of meditation, she provides psychological and spiritual guidance for building healthy relationships and becoming all that you are meant to be. Other books include Zen and the Art of Falling in Love, Zen Miracles, Save Your Relationship, and Living By Zen. In addition, Dr. Shoshanna is a frequent guest on radio and TV and runs workshops for couples on working through difficulty and renewing their love. Visit http://www.brendashoshanna.com, or reach her at topspeaker@yahoo.com.

A "Secret" Body Language Women Find Irresistible

2009-06-07T01:10:00.000-07:00

I think that the reason you don't "get" this particular concept is because you're trying to fit
what I'm teaching you into your way of seeing the world, instead of the other way around.

You're looking for how I'm WRONG instead of how I'm RIGHT.

And I'll bet you dimes to dollars that you have not spent much time TESTING what you've learned in the real world.

I can sit here all day long and explain to you what it's like to drive a car. I can tell you how it's different steering a car when you're driving 5 miles per hour than it is when you're driving 55
miles per hour... and how it's different to back up because you have to think in reverse...

...and you could ask me questions like "Well, how do you mean it's "backwards" when you back up? Wouldn't it just feel the same?" and "Wouldn't it be distracting to turn your windshield wipers on while it's raining and you're trying to drive?"...

...and I could answer all of your questions...

...OR...

...you could just get in a damn car and go see what it's like to drive!

If you want to "capture this concept" you need to get out in the real world and DO IT.

In your example above, you asked if you're also creating "some sort of negative body language" at the same time by walking away from a woman.

What do you mean by "negative"?

And if it WORKS, WHO CARES?

Do you mean that if you walk away from a girl that you're talking to, are you going to make her
think you don't like her?

GOOD, if she thinks that. Who cares?

If you walk away from a woman because you want to go talk to your friends, it's HER DEAL if she doesn't like it. Not yours.

If, on the other hand, you see your friends, but DON'T go talk to them because you don't want
to offend the girl you're talking to, you're going to probably also give her several clues that
you're a WUSSBAG, and that you don't have any spine or life of your own... and that you like to
live in a way that pleases other people.

And guess what?

That is NOT an attractive quality.

Look...

Everything is a trade-off in one way or another.

Everything involves risk.

Everything you do can backfire.

Most guys are painfully aware of these issues.

But, the problem is that most guys take this knowledge and use it the WRONG WAY.

Instead of doing what WORKS, and not caring if it "backfires" or "fails" in that particular
situation, they do the "safe" thing.

Of course, anytime you "play it safe" around an attractive woman by being a "nice guy" and trying to "follow her lead" you are almost ABSOLUTELY going to do something that's going to backfire on you MOST of the time.

In other words, by playing it safe and being a "nice" guy, you won't get any "negative" responses
or "rejection" in the moment.

But, she's NEVER going to feel ATTRACTION for you, either (unless you look like Brad Pitt, or
you're in ColdPlay).

The answer?

Before I tell you, I want to suggest that you don't understand one other KEY element of creating
ATTRACTION with a woman. And you can learn about that key element by going HERE:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/

Stop worrying about "failing" or doing something that doesn't work.

It doesn't MATTER if you "fail" in a particular situation.

You didn't have anything ANYWAY.

If you want to succeed with attractive women, you're going to have to realize that things don't
work the way they SHOULD work.

Attraction doesn't happen when you're a "nice, appropriate boy."

Here's an example of "being nice" vs. being a guy who lives in his own reality and does what he
wants to do:

You're talking to a girl, and you decide that you like her.

You want to get her phone number and call her sometime.

Nice guy says, "Um, maybe you could give me your number, and I could call you sometime and
take you out".

Guy who lives in his own reality says, "Give me your number" with a tone of voice and body
language that is EXPECTING her to comply.

But, you might say, "Hey, wait a minute here... if you just try and tell her what to do and ASSUME that she's going to go along and give you her number, she might be offended."

Guess what?

You're right.

But, if she's offended, then she wasn't going to go out with you anyway.

On the other hand, if she WAS going to go out with you, the direct "Give me your number" will
make her FAR MORE attracted to you.

Make sense?

In other words, the things that work BEST will get you MUCH BETTER and MUCH WORSE reactions from women.

Women who have boyfriends, are married, are lesbians, or whatever will RUN away... (that is,
if they can overcome their emotional attraction to your communication style).

And women who are available and interested will only feel MORE attracted to you because you are just naturally assuming that you're going to get what you want.

If you really take the time to think about it, and think through the different scenarios, you'll
realize that being direct and assumptive will work better in the long run.

Now, let's talk a bit about the specifics of what it "says" to a woman when you "walk away"
from her in a situation like the one you've described...

You're talking to her for five minutes. She's laughing and you're being Cocky & Funny... you're
teasing her, she's responding by hitting you and opening her mouth with the "Oh-no-you-didn't-just-say-that" look.

You see your friends.

You say, "Hey, good talking to you... I'm going to go talk to my friends" and you walk away.

What happens?

Does she think, "That jackass! I'm so offended that he didn't ask for my number!"?

Does she say to her friend, "That guy is stupid because he could have gotten my number and he
didn't even ask for it"?

Does she immediately walk away and leave?

No, probably not.

In fact, what she will MOST LIKELY do, if you were being interesting and attractive, is think to
herself "What just happened? Why did he leave?
Should I go with him and keep talking to him?
Should I just leave because he probably doesn't like me? Did I say something wrong?"

In other words, she's going to stand there thinking about YOU and what she can do to start
the conversation again.

Really.

Is this creating some kind of "negative tension"?

Yes, it is.

But, it's not the kind of negative tension that makes situations with women go BAD.

It's the OTHER KIND. It's the kind that leads to SEXUAL TENSION and CHEMISTRY.

Now, the BEST thing you can do in a situation like this one is to say "Hey, I'm going to get
back to my friends over there... good talking to you..." and then turn to walk away.

Right after you've "broken the connection" and she's starting to go into the "what just happened
and why is he leaving" mode, you turn BACK around and say "Hey, do you have email?"... then go into the 3 minute email/number technique that I talk about in my ebook and Advanced Series.

Get it?

Another important thought...

When you have to "say" something about who you are as a man, how interesting you are, or how much she should feel attracted to you with WORDS, it automatically creates doubt... because if it was true, then you wouldn't need to SAY it.

It would be OBVIOUS.

In other words, the best way to communicate all of the most IMPORTANT things is through your BODY LANGUAGE.

What most guys try to do is CONVINCE a woman to feel ATTRACTION by telling her all kinds of things about themselves and trying to subtly drop little hints about making money, driving a cool car, etc.

BORING.

And worse, it usually BACKFIRES.

Women can smell the "I'm actually insecure, so I am trying to cover up for it by bragging" rap a
mile away.

It makes them RUN (unless they're out to use you for free food and entertainment).

If you want to say all the right things in the shortest possible time, then you need to learn how
to communicate with body language and voice tone ALONE.

WHAT you say isn't very important at all.

It really isn't.

HOW you say it is EVERYTHING.

Go back through your copy of my Advanced Series and notice all of the subtle body language points that I make, and think about what you've just read... it will pull everything together for you.

As you probably know, I also have a complete program that's dedicated to teaching you how to
use Body Language to create ATTRACTION.

I spend a lot of time going over the specifics of how to communicate beliefs, status, and self-
image in a way that really triggers the "attraction mechanism" inside of women. I'll give you a great introduction on how to use Body Language as well.

...and if you haven't downloaded your copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating" yet, then you need to do that immediately. You can download it right now and be reading it within just a few minutes. It's here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/eBook

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

How To Approach A Woman & Take Her Home

2009-05-31T17:42:00.000-07:00

If you want to learn how to successfully approach women, then you're going to need to learn both the "inner" game - which is all about overcoming fear and building confidence - and the "outer" game - which is all about having the SKILLS and "lines" for the different situations you'll find yourself in. And where's the best way to learn to MASTER both? Glad you asked, it's right HERE:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/ApproachingWomen

How to skip all the emails, calling, and "dating" and go straight to the bedroom...

Do two things:

1) Don't focus on "the bedroom." Focus on taking things to the next step... and the next... and the
next.

2) As soon as you meet a woman, treat it like you're going on a date together.

Let me explain.

If you meet a girl you really like, spark some major chemistry, start kissing her, etc., you're
probably going to get some resistance if you look at her and say "OK, let's leave your friends here and go back to my place so I can SHAG you."

That's just a hunch.

But, if you meet her, spark the attraction, start kissing, and then say... "Hey, come with me", and then take her hand and lead her to another part of the club or bar... or take her to the dance floor... or some combination... and then start kissing again... and then stop (two forward, one back)... and then say, "Hey, I'm going to this other bar, come along with me"... and then once
you're there you continue, all the way until closing, when you say, "Hey, let's keep talking...
this is fun. Give me a ride home..." etc., etc., etc....

I think you can see where I'm going with this.

A woman wants to feel that things are developing naturally, not that you are just trying to get her into bed as fast as you can.

If the evening unfolds in a normal, natural way, and you can progress from one level to the next, you'll do very well and go very far.

Why do you lead her to another part of the club, and then take her somewhere else?

Physically leading a woman is VERY powerful, and leaving together/showing up somewhere else
together changes things. When you arrive at the new place, even though you're the same two people who just met, you're now TOGETHER at the new place.

And when you suggest continuing to talk, and her giving you a ride home (or some variation),
it's not like saying "Come shag me." You're making it clear that you want to spend time with her, and it leaves the possibility of ANYTHING happening open.

And as for the girl you met saying "Let's pursue a friendship first", what she was probably REALLY saying is:

"I can't believe that I made out with you after meeting you in a parking lot of a liquor store. I'm not like that. So let's get together sometime on a more casual basis, and if you DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST MET I'LL PROBABLY WIND UP MAKING OUT WITH YOU AGAIN."

Think about it.

We guys always want the one we can't have... and it's a problem. Stay on track improving
yourself, meeting other women, etc. That's the way.

By the way, I realize that the things I teach sound a little bit bizarre. Believe me, it took me
a couple of years of hard work just to figure this stuff out... and a lot of it doesn't exactly make
"logical" sense.

But, all you have to do is start using it to see that it works.

Check it out : http://www.DatingTechniques.com

***SUCCESS STORY***

Just a quick story. Once again you were right on with advice!! I changed my online profile with a
popular dating service and have gotten four emails after the new profile was up only 1 hour!! What did I change? I made it short and funny. Here is the typical response I got: "Your profile really made me laugh. You have a great sense of humor. That's refreshing. I have a hard time finding guys who are truly funny. There's not shortage of guys who THINK they're funny, but it's nice to see some of you are still out there. I'm attaching my profile. I'm 37, never married (yeah I know.. means there must be something wrong) and like to laugh and have a good time. If you don't respond, I'll just have to go back to collecting cats and being the neighborhood spinster. ha ha. I hope to hear from you." As you would say Dave, "Love it"!
You are the man!!! E. Chicago

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Nice!

Yes, this stuff works online just as well as in person... sometimes even better.

You might remember the one newsletter several months ago where the guy took some of the stuff from my Advanced Series and copied it word-for-word to create an online personal ad, and then wound up getting all kinds of emails from women saying "Come over to my house and have sex with me... you're turning me on." LOL...

When you're Cocky & Funny online, it really triggers a FUN, witty, sassy part of women... and
they love it.

By the way, if you're reading this right now and you want results like this online, go and read THIS right now:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/ApproachingWomen

She's probably hanging in there, hoping that SOME kind of feelings will develop for you... but
it's not working.

Look, when a woman says:

"I only like you as a friend"

...or...

"I've been hurt, so I want to take this slow"

...or...

"I like you so much, I don't want to lose you as a friend"

...or any of the million variations of these things, it USUALLY means that you're not doing the
things it takes to create ATTRACTION.

She doesn't FEEL IT for you.

And if she doesn't FEEL IT, then there ARE NO shortcuts, my man.

Stop being such a "nice" guy, and start doing the things you're learning from me to spark some
CHEMISTRY!

I have a few brainstorms for you... to help you avoid buying drinks at the pub:

1) Keep your Friday and Saturday nights free. Go out with your friends on those nights, and just
avoid dates. I have many friends that follow this rule, and it works very well for them.

2) Make a lot of friends at the pubs, bars, etc. that are in your area. Invite the bar tenders,
doormen, etc. to parties that you hear about... bring them gifts... and just generally figure out
how to get in their good graces. In other words, become the guy that NEVER pays for drinks in the first place, because they're GIVEN to you.

3) Lead. Don't do things you don't want to do. Only go to places YOU want to go to. Women will
respect you and what you want if you just lead.

The FEELINGS that you're giving her will FAR MORE than make up for any lack of experience on your part.

I think a lot of guys have had times in their lives when they were successful with women... but
for whatever reason they have lost their old "mojo." Maybe it was a marriage that went bad...
maybe a girlfriend that eventually turned them into a Wuss Bag... whatever.

I get a lot of emails from guys who USED to be good with women, but have been out of practice for so long that they might as well be starting over.

If you fit in this category, or you're just getting started and you want to get off on the right foot, then I recommend you check out my eBook "Double Your Dating", and then my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

No kidding, this stuff has taken me several years to learn, test, refine, and explain clearly.
If you want the best material available for meeting and dating women, this is it.

My downloadable online eBook comes with three free bonus booklets, and it's the foundation for
everything I teach in these newsletters. Get it here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/ebook

How to approach women and to say something

2009-05-23T06:46:00.000-07:00

In the book "Double Your Dating" the author address this very issue of approach women and to say something. Look, here's the deal:

We guys all want to know how to "approach women in a way that seems natural and friendly, gets her attention, and doesn't make her think that we're coming on to her..." etc. Well, get over it. If you're in a BAR, and walk over and start talking to a WOMAN, she's going to know what
you're up to. Even if you're not interested in her, she's going to think you are. And there's nothing you can do to change that. So what's the answer? Simple...

Don't worry about "excluding yourself from the rest of the guys"... just worry about whether or not she's still talking to you!

My perspective is that you can start out a conversation with a nice compliment, or a throw-away question like "what are you drinking?"... and then, as soon as the conversation starts, GO INTO COCKY AND FUNNY MODE AND START TEASING HER LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. Use your body language, voice tone, and humor to get her to wonder if you're interested in her.

It's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. I get a ton of emails with "What's a good pick up line?" included somewhere within. It's not WHAT, it's HOW.

You can have the best lines in the world, but if you come across as a weak, scared person NOTHING will work for you. On the other hand, if you have confident, calm body language, then almost ANYTHING will be OK. Just walk over and say "Hi... you look like someone I want
to meet." If you say it with the right body language and voice tone, and you talk to several women, you'll get some positive responses. Make sense?

Recommendations on clever lines for the gym girl...

2009-05-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

***SUCCESS STORY*** (Applying the lessons from this book)

"Dave,

I gotta tell you man, your book was a God send...

I've got about 3 girls in my sites already. One co-worker, one my sister's room mate, and one a hotty at the gym. The first two are in my hip pocket, no problem. The hotty at the gym however is driving me insane, man. I keep thinking about her over and over and it's killing me! I haven't even said a word to her but I always catch her looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I feel like a wuss for not just approaching her but sometimes I get choked up on what to say dude! Anyways, I've got some ideas and I'm going to take your friends for a month advice (meet as many friends as possible) advice to heart.

Basically I wanted to say thanks for your insight Dave and any recommendations on clever lines for the gym girl? :)

J."

>MY COMMENTS: Glad you enjoyed the book. As far as the girl at the gym...

For most of us guys, it doesn't happen very often that we catch a gym hottie checking us out. Most of us are either too dense to see it, or too average to have it happen very often, or both.

Here's the deal: If a woman is giving you positive eye contact, you need to either 1) Go do something about it IMMEDIATELY... or 2) Be so confident and skillful that you don't need to do anything about it because you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it's in the bag.

Something tells me you fall into category #1 and should have gone over and started talking to her instantly. The longer you wait, the more of a wuss you look like, as a general rule. You have about 5 seconds from initial positive eye contact to calm yourself and mosey over to say hello. So you'd better get to it.

Teasing Women

2009-05-23T06:16:00.000-07:00

Useful distinction to keep in mind about teasing women.

As you know, I think that it's a great idea to tease women. It shows them that you're not afraid of them, and it levels the playing field very quickly. It also suggests that you have the kind of relationship that makes it OK to tease her. A great thing all the way around.

But like every idea or technique, there are a few exceptions and things to keep in mind...

Here are a couple of semi-common situations that you need to keep your eye out for, and what to do about them:

1) Watch for women who don't have very sharp senses of humor. Every once in awhile, you'll run across a woman who just doesn't get it. Sarcasm just plain doesn't make sense to some people (I know... how is this possible, right?... lol). Some women will take everything you say literally... it's almost like they're humor-impaired.

My favorite way to deal with the Humor Impaired is to wait for those moments when they say "that was rude" or they look at you with that confused look that people who don't get funny comments get... you know the one where they're trying to smile like they think it's funny, but you know they just don't get it?... and they say "It was a joke" or "I'm teasing you."

I know, kind of lame, huh? But sometimes you just have to spell it out. Just keep teasing, and keep on saying "It was a joke" and "I was teasing." This says, in effect "I'm having fun, and I'm going to keep on with it, even if I have to explain it to you every time."

2) Pay attention, because if a woman is sending you semi-nude pictures online, etc. you might just want to skip the small talk and say "hey, I have an idea- why don't we go back to my hotel room so I can show you my new stamp collection."

If a woman is telegraphing "I'm ready, take me" then you probably just want to bypass the formalities and move on to more, shall we say, physical expressions of your teasing personality.

3) If a woman gets uptight when you first tease her, accuse her of being no fun, and a cold fish.

I'm serious about this one. Let's say you make a funny joke about her, and she gives you that "I don't like that you made fun of me" look. You now have about two different basic choices.

You can 1) Back down and do the "Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you" thing, or 2) You can say "What, you don't have a sense of humor?" or "Are you trying to tell me that you can't take a little joke?"

The reason I do this is because I want to find out as SOON AS POSSIBLE if I'm dealing with someone who is just plain no fun at all.

The fact is that there are a lot of women (and men too) who are just plain boring to be around. They're too uptight, and they just don't get it.

And yes, even some beautiful women fall into this category. You'd be better off calling it a night
early on if you discover that the woman you're in front of fits into this category... No amount of
beauty can make up for a boring personality (Unless, of course, we're talking about Christy Turlington. I probably wouldn't care in that case).

So, in short... yes, it is possible to tease a girl too much. But if this happens, you're probably either:
1) Crossing the line of INSULTING instead of teasing...
or 2) Dealing with a woman who has no sense of humor, in which case you're better off saying "thank you and good night" as soon as possible... and saving yourself from the most boring evening of your life.

Remember: The objective of teasing is to INCREASE THE ATTRACTION that she's feeling for you.

...by the way... if you're reading this right now, and you haven't downloaded your copy of eBook "Double Your Dating", then you need to do that now. You'll learn several different ways of teasing women that will make them feel very attracted to you. As a matter of fact, when you visit my website, you'll be able to read a great sample scenario from my personal experience that shows a different way of teasing...

Just go to:

http://www.doubleyourdating.com/ebook/

...and read about it.

Proven Techniques To Get "Back In The Game" With Women

2009-05-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

Whenever a man break up with a woman, he ALWAYS felt a lonely, insecure, NEEDY feeling in the pit of the stomach.

Nature has cursed many of us guys with an instant and automatic DESPERATION mechanism that kicks in the moment a woman leaves us... lol.

It really does suck.

But really, I think that most of the men walking around on this planet knows that feeling of wanting to have the Wuss inside surgically removed at that very moment.

The combination of getting some good education (dating tips), and, VERY IMPORTANTLY, with a group of guy friends who you went out with, was a good thing.

And if this guy didn't recommend it enough, if you DON'T own a copy of Advanced Dating
Techniques DVD/CD program, then you are missing out on the most powerful education available for learning to meet women successfully. I recommend that you go and watch some of the video clips of the program, and read all the details here:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com

DO SOMETHING, not just throwing in the towel, and sitting in your desperation alone... doing nothing. DO THE RIGHT THINGS, don't take it PERSONALLY.

It was more important to LEARN THE SKILL than it was to GET THE GIRL.

To put this whole thing differently, it's SO important to always try to get the LESSON in a
particular situation instead of the GIRL in that particular situation.

If you don't get the lesson, you'll keep banging your head against the wall (or rubbing it
against your palm, whichever)... but if you GET THE LESSON in a situation, it will help you for
the rest of your life. Get the lesson, and don't worry about the particular girl. It's never worth
it to take things personally in these types of situations.

You have to understand something that's KEY.

You have to "get" how to have a conversation with a woman that sparks ATTRACTION and actually CREATES "chemistry" and sexual tension.

What's interesting to me is how INSTANTLY women respond to this kind of overly-confident, fun, energy-charged banter... and how women RUN from guys who use the "I'm such a nice guy, and I want you to like me" kind of talk.

Most of the guys on the planet do (and the same thing that I did for YEARS of my own life)... were an EXTRA NICE GUY.

The one who said anything "edgy", who always let the WOMAN lead the conversation, whonever said anything controversial, and who always carefully listened to what she said so he kept the conversation "positive."

You know what I'm talking about... that friendly, sterile, no-tension, artificially sugar-
coated nice-guy kind of conversation?

The kind that every one of us guys tries to keep going when we meet a girl we like... or we take a girl out on a date, etc....

The kind that attractive women HATE... and the kind that bores women to TEARS!

If you're reading this right now, and you're at that point in your life where you've turned an age that's getting you down... or you've just broken up with a woman that you've been together with for a long time... or something else has you feeling like you're never going to be able to "get your groove back" when it comes to women, then LISTEN UP.

It does NOT have to be that way.

I honestly believe that you can improve your success with women DRAMATICALLY if you CHOOSE to do it... and you LEARN HOW to do it.

Stop sitting there wishing for things to change and hoping that a supermodel jumps off the T.V. screen and MAKE IT HAPPEN for yourself.

I've spent a lot of time now figuring out the things you need to do to increase your success with women... and I honestly believe that any man can do it, IF he TAKES ACTION.

If you're ready for an IN-DEPTH education on everything from overcoming fear and approaching women... to getting numbers and dates... and taking things to a "physical level", then you MUST get your hands on a copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

It's literally jam-packed with around 18 full hours of digitally recorded concepts, strategies,
and specific techniques to DOUBLE YOUR DATING... and more.

I get emails all the time from guys who are listening to the program two, three, and even five
or MORE times because there's just so much information packed into it. You'll not only hear
me teaching my personal techniques and secrets, but you'll also hear me interviewing several of my friends who are some of the best in the world with women... and getting them to reveal THEIR secrets as well.

And if you haven't read my eBook "Double Your Dating", then you need to do that NOW. It's my original manual for success with women and dating, and it's the place to get started if you want to take your success with women to the next level.
You can download here right now:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/eBook

I'll talk to you again soon!

Your Friend,

David D.

Controversial Ideas To Avoid Getting Rejection

2009-05-12T23:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been with a woman that you liked a lot... you thought things were going really well... then she dropped the BOMB on you... and said she wanted to date OTHER GUYS?

We all get a rush of emotions in this situation - we feel rejected, we feel hurt... but we also feel jealous of the fact that OTHER GUYS are going to be dating YOUR GIRL.

Now, most guys screw up big time when they feel these powerful emotions. They let the feelings control their behavior... and that's a HUGE MISTAKE.

Your feelings tell you to convince her how much they love her... that you'll always be there for her... that she's "the one' for you... and on and on.

And what happens?

The woman feels even MORE like dating other guys... because she doesn't want to date a WUSSY.

Have you made this mistake? Most guys have, myself included...

The fact is, if you know the right approach in situations like these, not only can you keep the girl, but you can make her feel MORE attracted to you than ever before.

Say what?

That's right. You can turn around the situation and use it to your favor.

And it's a win-win, because deep down inside she WANTS to feel more attracted to you... it's just that you were screwing things up... so she started thinking of getting that attraction feeling from some other guy.

Here are just a few of the strategies :

Have you ever wondered what it would take to attract a high-quality woman into your life - the kind of woman who is attractive on the outside... AND on the inside?

Most guys get suckered into just focusing on what a woman looks like... but down the road when her "issues" and insecurities come up... no matter how hot she is in the looks department... it doesn't make up for the fact that she's not fun to be around.

We've all had friends who dated cute women... but who's life is full of drama and fights and.... well, you get the picture.

If you want to be one of those rare guys who can land and KEEP a high quality woman in your life, then I have some important news for you...

I honestly believe that I've unlocked the SECRET KEYS that will allow you to become one of "those guys."

They will transform you into the kind of self-confident man that high quality women desire, and respect... and want to stay with for the long term.

Here are just a few of the specifics you'll learn:

- How to get women to see that you are a LEADER (The one quality that all "10's" insist a man just have)

- A secret about REALLY attractive women that if you don't know, you cannot date them! (If you've ever seen a celebrity with a woman that you didn't think was "hot enough" for him, it's probably because not knowing this one secret was preventing him from attracting a super-hot woman despite his money and status!)

- Why guys who are great friends, successful and great people don't attract "total 10's" - and what to do if you're one of those guys who has every part of his life together except for attracting women

- How to design your life so the success you want with woman happens AUTOMATICALLY (In this program I'm going to share my proven methods for getting women to come into your life without having to do the actual "work" of going out to meet them)

- A powerful exercise that completely redesigns your mental "blueprint" for meeting and attracting women (This simple trick practically FORCES you to become a "natural" with women by wiping your slate clean of any bad programming and replacing it with good. The best part is it only takes 7 minutes and the results stay with you forever)

- and much more...

Don't waste another day wondering what to do to attract a high quality woman - and what to do to KEEP her in your life for as long as YOU want.

Start it from here.