'Chemistry' And 'Sexual Tension' Explained

NOTE: Somewhere in this newsletter I reveal to you
an almost "magical" technique... This particular technique is one of those "gems" that you can use in many situations with women... one that has the power to instantly transform the energy between you and a woman into an almost INSTANT ATTRACTION...

Here's an interesting thought:

Ask 100 attractive women if they know what the
words "Chemistry" and "Sexual Tension" mean, they'll all nod their heads and say "Of course!".

Ask 100 guys off the street if they know what the
words "Chemistry" and "Sexual Tension" mean, and about
98 of them will give you a dumb look and say "Uh, not
really".

A few will probably say things like "Um, is Sexual
Tension like when you and a chick are having sex in
a weird position and you get a cramp?".

The reality of this situation is that most attractive
women know EXACTLY what Chemistry and Sexual Tension
are... and they can describe them in DETAIL... but
most men have literally NO IDEA... they're completely
clueless.

Think about that.

I'm talking about an incredible phenomenon here...

How is it POSSIBLE that one of the most important
aspects of attracting a woman is something that most
men know NOTHING about?

And how is it that almost ALL attractive women are
totally "in the know" about this stuff?

Is there some kind of strange conspiracy against
men?

Are women keeping a secret from us guys just so
we won't be able to break the code?

Maybe.

I mean, think about it...

If you were an attractive woman, would you want
to find a guy that you had to TEACH the concepts of
Chemistry and Sexual Tension to... or would you want
a guy who just "got it" on his own... "naturally"?

Duh.

You'd want the guy who already "got it".

So more likely than a conspiracy against clueless
men, women just naturally respond to men who GET IT,
and DON'T respond to men who DON'T.

So let's talk about these concepts a little bit
more.

When a woman uses the word "Chemistry", as in
"There was chemistry between us" or "I want to meet
a man and have natural chemistry", she's talking about
ATTRACTION.

Chemistry is about a woman perceiving that
she and a guy are "naturally compatible" because
her emotional and physical sparks fly when she
meets or is around that guy.

NOTE: I did NOT use the word "logical" here.

Chemistry is NOT the result of a woman meeting
a man and then thinking to herself "Let's see...
he is six feet tall, has a good job making 37% more
than the medial salary, is the correct age for child
rearing... I think that we have a natural chemistry...".

Nooooo way.

For a woman, Chemistry is either THERE, or it ISN'T.

There's no two ways about it.

Unfortunately, most guys hear the word "Chemistry"
and they think it somehow equates to "The guy must
be good-looking so the girl thinks he's sexy... and
since I'm NOT the most handsome guy alive, women won't
feel it with ME".

This is only because most guys don't get that you
can make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you REGARDLESS
of your looks, age, income, height, or anything else.

So let me repeat:

"Chemistry is about a woman perceiving that she
and a guy are "naturally compatible" because her emotional
and physical sparks fly when she meets or is around
that guy."

Now let's talk about Sexual Tension.

Sexual Tension is about the interaction.

It's that feeling you get when you're in the presence
of someone you're attracted to, but there are OBSTACLES,
ANTICIPATION, HUMOR, and/or other ingredients in the
mix that both increase the ATTRACTION, and increase
the TENSION in the situation.

Sexual Tension is the combination of being pulled
toward someone, but also feeling resistance at the
same time.

It's about not knowing what's going to happen,
but being on the edge of your seat WANTING to know
what's going to happen.

Think of it this way...

If a woman KNOWS that she has you right from the
beginning, she won't be as interested... this is why
so many guys kill their chances with a girl instantly
by going "overboard" and doing too many things to
demonstrate his interest.

But if she DOESN'T know whether or not you're interested,
and you keep the mystery up, while making her more
and more interested, she will think about you ALL
THE TIME.

This is creating Chemistry, and increasing the
Sexual Tension.

Will a woman feel more ATTRACTION for a guy who
always talks to her when he sees her, always calls
her, and is always available?

No.

She'll feel more attraction if he's more mysterious,
challenging, and unpredictable.

Remember, Sexual Tension is GOOD for attraction,
not bad for it...

So let's talk about some great ways to create Sexual
Tension... which will NATURALLY lead to that magical
feeling of CHEMISTRY.

Here are a few of my favorite ways to create and
amplify Sexual Tension:


BE COCKY & FUNNY

Being Cocky & Funny, or using Cocky Comedy, is
a fun, interesting, enjoyable way to create and amplify
Sexual Tension.

The formula is:

Start with an arrogant thought, then add humor to
complete.

If you're standing in line waiting for your coffee,
and you notice an attractive woman behind the counter,
you could say "Hurry up, you're not working fast enough"
in a serious tone of voice.

That's arrogant. It's cocky. But it's not at all
FUNNY.

You'd sound like a jerk-off if you said that in
a cold way.

If instead you said "Hey, since you like me and
this line is always long, how about if I just walk
to the front from now on and you give me free coffee?"...

Now that's a whole different story.

If that same girl behind the counter goes to take
your money, and drops it, you could say "You're a
klutz, watch what you're doing".

If you did, you'd sound rude and stupid.

On the other hand, if you start shaking your head,
roll your eyes, and breath out through your nose loudly
in a dramatic way like you're completely annoyed with
her (in a funny way), you're going to make her laugh.

Good thing.

These are examples of being Cocky & Funny, or using
Cocky Comedy.


WAIT TO CALL HER

What do most guys do when they get a girl's number
or email address?

Right, then call or write three minutes later.

"Hi, it was great meeting you a few minutes ago...
so, what are you doing?"

OUCH.

Calling or writing a woman immediately is one good
way to destroy any anticipation or Sexual Tension
that was present in the moment.

On the other hand, if you call up two days later
and say "Hey, what up? I'm busy tonight, and tomorrow,
but let's do something on Friday. Here's my number,
call me... I gotta go..." that's a TOTALLY different
type of communication.

By day two, she's already wondering why you haven't
called, wondering if you're getting back together
with your ex that she's imagining being a model...
and generally beginning to wonder if and when you're
going to call.

Waiting builds tension. Do it. And do it after
the FIRST call as well. Learn to become comfortable
not knowing what's going on... and waiting to find
out. It's MUCH better.


TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK

This is the ultimate formula for AMPLIFYING a woman's
anticipation, arousal, and interest in you.

Moving two steps forward, and one step back takes
Sexual Tension, and it DIALS IT UP.

The idea is simple:

Every time you make "progress" in a romantic way
with a woman, STOP. Then lean back.

For instance, if you have been talking to her,
and you start holding hands... after a few minutes,
TAKE YOUR HAND BACK.

Then lean back physically, and move away from her
for a little while.

If you wind up kissing a little while later, STOP
kissing her, and lean back again.

Get it?

Women don't get turned on quite the same way men
do.

Men are on/off switches.

Women are volume knobs... that need to be turned
up gradually.

If you show some self-control, make her feel good,
and then go two forward, one back you will give a
woman an experience she'll really enjoy, and won't
forget...


TEASE HER

Women LOVE teasing when it's done in the right
way.

Some people think of teasing as "making fun of"...

Now I DO love to make fun of women... but I'm talking
about a different type of teasing right now.

I'm talking about the type of teasing where you
give someone a LITTLE BIT of what they want, then
take it away so they want it MORE.

I'm talking about leaning in to kiss a woman, then
stopping right before you kiss her... so she can feel
your lips just about to touch hers, and then staying
there for just a moment...

...and then LEANING BACK.

You're teasing her.

You know that she wants you to kiss her, but you're
NOT kissing her.

You're in control, and she loves it, hates it, and
WANTS IT.

Teasing creates this Sexual Tension rapidly.

You can tease in many ways...

Next time you're buying something, when the girl
behind the counter reaches out to take your money,
put it in her hand, then quickly take it away as she
grabs it.

That's teasing.

It's fun, and you can use it almost everywhere
for the enjoyment of both you and her...


ANOTHER REAL-WORLD EXAMPLE

Let's say you and a woman are out together, and
you're enjoying your evening.

She decides to throw out one of those types of
questions that you're not expecting, but that seem
DESIGNED to throw you off...

She asks the question... "Do you think we'll ever
have sex?"

Now , most men will answer "I hope so" or "why,
do you want to?"

Sexual Tension KILLED.

She asks "Do you think we'll ever have sex"...

You answer "Only in your dreams... and calm down,
just because I'm out with you doesn't mean I'm going
to sleep with you"...

Sexual Tension AMPLIFIED.

When she asked the question, she was TESTING you...
she wanted to know if you were going to bite down
on the bait. She was finding out if you were REALLY
as in control as it seemed.

You either pass or fail those.

The more you watch for, listen for, and pay attention
to Sexual Tension, the more you'll begin to NOTICE
it.

And the more you NOTICE IT, the more you can start
to control it, amplify it, and direct it.


A FAVORITE WAY TO CREATE CHEMISTRY AND SEXUAL TENSION

I'm going to share a FANTASTIC technique with you
right now, so turn on your thinking cap, and remember
this one.

This is a great way to let a woman know that you
understand Sexual Tension and Chemistry, while at the
same time CREATING THEM.

Let's use a real-world situation.

Maybe you had responded to a few online personals,
and some women have written you back...

And lets say that one of the women said "tell me
more about yourself", etc.

Let's further say that in her online personal profile
she mentioned that she loved cats...

You might write her back, and say:

"Here's a litte more about me... I'm sitting on my
favorite chair, reading a magazine. You walk into
the room, and the air shifts... you slowly and carefully
walk up to where I'm sitting, and rub up against my
leg... I look down at you, and you look back at me...
"Meow", you say... I reach down, and gently stroke
your head... and you go running away... like a typical
kitty cat..."

If you are acting like a MAN, being Cocky & Funny,
communicating that you're in control of yourself and
the situation, etc., something like this can be MAGICAL.

A story like this one communicates sooooo many
things at once... things that would take you literally
weeks of "regular" communication to convey to her.

A little story like this one, at just the right
time can create so much Sexual Tension, and spark the
Chemistry so fast that you'll often INSTANTLY take
things to a different level with a woman.

Now, there's a very important factor that you MUST
understand...

You CANNOT do this, create a little story like
this, and try to use this way of talking to a woman
if you're acting like a WUSSY.

This can only be used in the context of you having
communicated that you're a MAN... and one that understands
ATTRACTION, at that.

If you try to do this kind of thing before you've
communicated that you're a masculine, powerful guy,
you're only going to make a woman RUN away.

So now that you understand Chemistry and Sexual
Tension... and finally had someone explain these amazing
concepts to you... what's the best way to learn the
other keys to making women feel ATTRACTION for you?

In fact, what's the best way to get the very best
education on how to become more successful with women
and dating available ANYWHERE?

My Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program is
the way.

This program was designed from the ground up to
show you every aspect of how to become more successful
with women and dating...

It will teach you everything from how to overcome
fear and shyness, to how to approach women and get
phone numbers, to how to get dates, to how to take
things to a "physical level" without rejection.

And I explain everything in plain, easy-to-understand
language, just like I explained to you how Chemistry
And Sexual Tension work in this newsletter...

The only difference is that you get to not only
hear me/see me live, but I get a lot more time to go
into DEPTH on all the issues.

It's like having me personally coach you through
all the steps, right in your home.

This is the program that I wish I had when I started
learning this stuff... it would have saved me at LEAST
a few YEARS and all kinds of hassle, money, and energy.

Go check it out. It will increase your success
with women and dating DRAMATICALLY.

All the details, plus some great free audio
and video samples are here:

http://www.DoubleYourDatingSystem.com/e/AdvancedSeries/

And if you haven't downloaded my online eBook "Double
Your Dating" yet, then go and do that now. It's a
great introduction to my ideas and techniques. You
can download it now and be reading it in just a few
minutes from right now. It's here:

http://www.DoubleYourDatingSystem.com/e/eBook/

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

How To Make Her Think About You

If you've seen the classic cult movie "Swingers", then you probably remember the part where the guys are discussing how long a guy should wait to call a woman after he's gotten her phone number.

The scene really hits home for a lot of guys because it gets down to a real-world situation that we all confront and ponder.

I get a lot of emails from guys asking me what to do in this very situation.

The more I've thought about it, the more I realize that this particular question (and the answer to it) are part of a bigger, more important CONCEPT about how to deal with women.

Let me explain.

When a guy asks me "How long should I wait to call her?" this immediately tells me a few things:

1) The guy doesn't feel like he's in control of the situation. If he felt like he was in control, then it he wouldn't ask, because it wouldn't matter.

2) The guy doesn't really "get" how male/female attraction works. If he did get it, then he'd be
thinking in those terms rather than trying to figure out the exact best amount of time to wait before calling.

To put it differently, the "when do I call her back?" problem is part of a bigger concept, and once you understand that bigger concept better, then you'll have an automatic feel for when to call a woman back.

Most guys don't "get" one simple point:

If you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you, then you must behave differently than if you want her to feel that "just friends" feeling.

In the world of ATTRACTION, things are completely different.

For instance, our moms taught all of us guys to "be nice" to women. This usually includes being sweet and complimentary when first meeting them, answering all of their questions directly, and giving them what they want when they want it.

But if you want a woman to feel that INSTANT GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION right from the beginning, then you're going to have to put aside this kind of thinking, and start learning some NEW ideas.

For instance:

1) A challenge is generally attractive to women.

2) Teasing and being evasive is generally attractive to women.

3) Making fun of a woman's appearance in a flirty way, as counter-intuitive as it might sound, can lead to ATTRACTION.

- By the way, psychology is one of my VERY favorite topics, and the psychology of creating attraction is FASCINATING. If you're as interested in it as I am, then you should check this out as well:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com


I'm trying to communicate the idea that when you're dealing with ATTRACTION, you have to put aside old "normal" ways of thinking and behaving.

I would like to mention one more point before getting into the specifics here...

These days, people are becoming very sensitive to having "techniques" used on them.

If a salesman uses a sales technique on us, we immediately get defensive and resistant.

If a panhandler asks for money in a way that smells of "tricks or "techniques" we pass them by
without pity.

If a business treats us like a "thing" or a
number instead of an individual person, we avoid
them or buy elsewhere.

We humans don't like having manipulation techniques used on us, and when we detect that someone or something is using one to get the better of us, we resist.

So let's get back to the "how long to wait before calling her back" issue.

If you think about it, every situation is slightly different. One time you might meet a woman in the morning at coffee, and another time you might meet a woman at a club at 1 in the morning.

If you wait too long to call her back, I think you run the risk of seeming like you're just using a technique on her and you come across as a player who's trying to do your thing on her.

When deciding how long to wait before you call or email, I think it's important to ask yourself this question:

"What will likely INCREASE THE ATTRACTION in this situation?"

Here are a couple of ideas I have used with great success:

1) Email instead of calling first. I personally email the next day. I'll start with a charming email to get the conversation started and then tell her that I'm going to call in a day or two. This has the effect of making contact with her relatively quickly, but still creating anticipation because you haven't actually talked.

2) Call the next day, and make a joke about the situation. I might call and say, "Yeah, I was watching Swingers and they said to wait three days to call, but I was kind of in more of a one day
mood..."

If you didn't get her email address and you MUST use the phone, just do your best to avoid being AVERAGE.

I personally believe that our attention spans as humans are getting shorter and shorter. We ave
more and more information coming in from television, newspapers and other sources - and we're getting cultural A.D.D. I think that if you wait too long, you're risking either being seen as using a technique, or risking being forgotten altogether.

But if you make the opposite mistake and call too soon (for instance a few hours later), you run
the risk of being seen as a needy Wuss who has no life.

In past newsletters, I have written about why it's important to leave immediately after getting a woman's email and/or number.

How long you should wait to call her back is a natural extension of this.

As a matter of fact, if you get a woman's email/number and then you keep coming over to talk to her, it can almost be seen as waiting 5 minutes to call her.

There's no anticipation, and it says all the wrong things.

A couple of other quick pointers for when you're making that first call:

1) Be busy. If you're going to ask her to join you for tea or something similar, make sure you mention two times that you're busy for every one time that you're available.

2) Don't linger on the phone. Make that first call short and to the point. If you stay on the phone for more than a few minutes, you're running the risk of getting into a normal "What do you do?", "Where do you live?", "Where did you go to school?" conversation. Avoid this.

To summarize, when in doubt wait a day or so to contact her again.

But more importantly, think about the situation in terms of anticipation and ATTRACTION, so when you do make contact it creates the correct context.

And now I have another question...

Do you enjoy learning the PSYCHOLOGY of how to create ATTRACTION with women? And do you enjoy learning the psychology of how to create more internal confidence... and how to overcome your "Inner Game" psychological issues?

Yeah, me too.

In fact, I think that the PSYCHOLOGY of success with women and dating is the MOST interesting part.

One more question...

Would you like to get an IN-DEPTH education in how to "fix" your Inner Game issues, and become the kind of man that women are searching for?

Of course, if you'd like to get my best thinking on how to deal with different situations and make a woman feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for you, then you need to read my book
"Double Your Dating". It's full of all my best thinking and ideas about how to attract the kinds
of women that you've always wanted. Just go to:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/eBook

I'll teach you the techniques I use personally to overcome fear, approach women, get phone numbers, and get dates... and even how I take things to a "physical" level with women.

Best part?

I'll send it to you to try at MY RISK...

Test it all out, and if it doesn't work, just send it back to me and I'll refund you, no hassles.



And I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

How To Start A Conversation With ANY Woman

Have you ever wondered why some guys can walk
right up to attractive women and start
conversations... but most guys can't?

I KNOW that you know what I'm talking about.

We all know guys who have the "talent" of
striking up conversations with women...
conversations that women actually ENJOY.

And even though they were just AVERAGE-looking
guys, women always found them SEXY... and wanted
to get to know them better.

Well, I honestly believe that I've unlocked the
SECRET KEYS that these guys use.

They will give you the confidence to walk right
up to a woman and start talking... and walk away
with her number and a "date" lined up... even if
you've NEVER done it before.

Here are just a few of the specifics you'll
learn in the program:

- The one word to say at the very beginning of
your approach that DOUBLES your chances of being
successful

- How to INSTANTLY stand out from every other man
that has ever approached her - so a woman knows you
are an opportunity she shouldn't DARE pass up

- The 10 things that PREVENT you from approaching
women - broken down and explained (I had to deal
with each one of these 10 things personally - if
you're having problems starting conversations with
women I GUARANTEE one of them is on this list -
AND that I can show you a quick and easy way to
ELIMINATE IT.)

- A surefire way to completely eliminate that
sinking feeling you get when you see a woman you
want to approach (Use this one "in the field" to
get yourself back on track FAST.)

- A lesson from early humanity that will help you
completely destroy your fears of approaching women
FOR GOOD

- The real "genetic" reasons we are afraid of
approaching women (When you know what they are, it
is almost too easy to dispel these fears FOR
GOOD.)

- How to completely reprogram your subconscious
and turn yourself into a "machine" that approaches
any woman - anytime- in ANY situation - without
even thinking about it

- and much more...

I suggest you try this program.

37 yrs old and have been divorced for 7 yrs

I may be a little skeptical, but I am 37 yrs old and have been divorced for 7 yrs. Although I have been told many times that I am an attractive guy I have had one date in the last 3 years, and I think it is because I am also overweight. I am 6'1" and weigh around 340 lbs. I am convinced that women these days are not attracted to big guys like myself. I am also one of those "nice guys". Do you really think that this cocky funny attitude that I have been reading about would really work for a guy like me? I am willing to try anything at this point

D.E.
Scranton (Pa.)


>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yea, I think it would DEFINITELY work for you. In fact, I think it will work for anyone who applies themselves and figures it out.

We each have our own particular situation in life. No two are the same.

Some guys are rich and look like Brad Pitt, some guys are older and gray, some are overweight, some are bald, and some are inexperienced.

We each have our own strengths, weaknesses, and particular challenges in life.

This is one of the great things about being alive.
We get a particular hand dealt to us, and it's one of the great joys in life to figure out how to best
play it.

Honestly, from the way you explained yourself, I think that you're unhappy with your weight. In other words, it sounds to me like you've got MENTAL limitations and self-image issues... so simple techniques alone probably aren't going to solve your whole problem.

I'll bet that if you start working on your weight, while at the SAME TIME practicing the techniques you've learned here with women, the COMBINATION will yield better results.

When you improve two or more areas of your life at the same time, you'll find that you often have far better than just twice the results. But try to solve problems at the root, and not just at the branch level alone.

Very nice comment from a sharp woman

***COMMENT FROM WOMAN***

Dear David,

Remember the woman that had a friend that wanted to slap the sh** out of you - you know, the crack pipe chick? That woman was right about one thing - someone needs to get slapped.

She does and so do all of her milk toast, clueless and probably dog-ugly friends! How in the world did she get "lesbian" twisted into all of that? I read the e-mail for crying out loud, and it sounds to me like this girl's in a slump that makes the Devil Rays look like World Series contenders.

Injure a woman's delicate psyche? Give me a break. I hope you guys out there don't believe a word of this girl's whiny crap. If your girlfriends agree with her, I hope you don't mind turning squishy and you better find a good recipe for strawberry daiquiris and start planning for a life filled with tupperware parties and purse shopping.

Let me set all of you guys straight who might still possibly be on the fence at this point. Get David's book. I haven't read it yet - I'm still crackin' up over the newsletter. I'm an attractive woman architect who works in a man's world and would have it no other way! I'm athletic, but still feminine. I'm pretty conservative and don't cuss (anymore) so I'm proof that it's not just the rough women that get turned on by the sport of a challenging male. David's right - I have a lot of male friends and most of them want to be more than friends. I could never put my finger on it before I started reading David's newsletters - they were nice and I've certainly dated guys that weren't nearly as good looking as them, but it's clear to me now. My guy friends are wusses. Cocky + funny = SEXY! Don't ask me why, just do it. I wish more of you would.

By the way, David, the chicks out here that read (and appreciate) your newsletter, need a formula, too.

Sincerely,

ks in Kansas City


>>>MY COMMENTS:

OK, first of all, WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU INCLUDE YOUR PHONE NUMBER?

I was just thinking to myself:

"You know, it sure would be great to meet an athletic, feminine woman with a good job... maybe an architect or something."

I don't know about the conservative, no cussing thing... maybe I could adapt.

But to my credit, I'm NOT squishy, I have NO IDEA how to make a strawberry daiquiri, and I hate purse shopping. I do, however like to host an occasional tupperware party.

Think about it and get back to me.

Oh, back to your comments...

Thank you for writing in and providing another perspective. I wish that more women would be as open and honest about what attracts them.

I personally think that women like you who have their lives together are too busy ENJOYING life to take the time out to teach the mass of WUSS-BAG men out there how to stop with the purse shopping and tupperware.

Thanks again for your email... I love sharp, honest women.

Why Women Don't Like AVERAGE Men

The idea is simple: We humans don't want what everyone else has... we want what everyone else has AND MORE. In the context of women and dating, it goes like this:

WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS AVERAGE.

Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical sense...

Women don't say "Oh, he's a kind, honest, loyal type of guy from a good family... AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON."

Nope.

Women say things like:

"He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between us"...
"I really feel something for him"... etc.

And also remember: If a woman feels a strong ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out of her way to find good reasons to be with you... even if you're not her "physical type".

On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors, dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her
feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.

So if women don't like "average" guys, and the most important thing is to make her feel ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?

I thought you'd never ask...

First, let's talk about the word "average" and what it REALLY means.

As far as women are concerned, and especially the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and makes you say "Oh, that one is nice."

A lot of guys take this concept too far and say "Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so no really hot woman is going to find me attractive."

My experience and research has shown me that women are far more ATTRACTED to things like attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc. than looks or money. Sure, those things might INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are those women that will only settle for a rich or unusually handsome guy... but this is the extreme minority.

In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above average" if you know what women are looking for, and
you know how to deliver.

Remember the danger: If you are perceived as "average" early on, then a switch goes off in her
mind, and the game will be over before it's even begun.

So let's do a little exercise...

Let's figure out two things:

1) What most guys do that women see as "average", and...

2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.

First, let's talk about what most guys do in most situations (more specifically, what most guys
do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've seen...

If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys will either say "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna
dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they do crass things like stare at women with wanting eyes or grab them as they walk by.

If the setting is a public place, like maybe a woman working at a clothing store, a waitress,
or some other similar high-traffic situation, most guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have
a boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?"

Ugh.

These kinds of approaches can only result in you being seen as another lame, average guy.

Here are a few ideas to try instead...

If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on something.

I personally like this one:

"Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need a female perspective... What do you ladies think about this new trend of women being proud of paying their own way and buying their own things? Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"

Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a conversation like this one. (I personally like this topic because it starts off by talking about women taking care of themselves in a positive light, which sets the stage for not having to pay for a lot of things right up front!)

If you're out in a public place, at a store where a woman is working or some other high-traffic place, you might try something like this:

After chatting about whatever business you're doing there, say "Hey, are you single?"

I love this question! It's such a shocker, and it says all the right things. Most guys say "Do you
have a boyfriend?" which is the usual question. "Are you single?" is much more forward, and most women have to do a double take to think for a moment.

If she pauses, I say "I'll take that as a YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a laugh.

In either of these cases, it's now time to get the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a conversation going for any longer than you have to.

So after two or three minutes of small talk and general conversation, just go into the "3 Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in an earlier newsletter or in my book...

Say "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to get back to my friends... (or shopping, or whatever)"
and as you turn away, turn back and say "Do you have email...?" etc.

These two scenarios are obviously very simple, and also very easy. I've had guys say to me "Well, there's nothing really that different about those approaches."

Ah, but there is.

The most important difference is that you're doing something COMPLETELY different than the other 47 guys who have approached her that day... and you also know EXACTLY what you're going to do and say and the conversation progresses.

Of course, another thing you can do that will INSTANTLY separate you from the rest of the crowd is to use the idea of being "Cocky and Funny", which I teach in my eBook "Double Your Dating" and in my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

This very unique approach has helped many of my thousands of readers to dramatically increase their success with women... and to be no longer seen as AVERAGE by women.

If you haven't learned how to use the almost MAGICAL formula of being Cocky & Funny, or any of the literally hundreds of other techniques I teach, then you really need to get yourself a copy of my online eBook and a copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques program.

These two tools will DRAMATICALLY increase your success with women and dating.

You can download my online eBook here right now:

http://www.doubleyourdating.net/ebook/

So go out this week, and DON'T BE AVERAGE ANY MORE.

Talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

Secret of Sex Cues

Cuing refers to the fact that many of our biological drives require an environmental cue or signal to make us aware of them. For instance, if you are busy or distracted you may not notice you're hungry until you smell some pizza. Sexual arousal works in a similar way for women. Sex cues make them aware of their sexual needs.

I was talking to a woman friend of mine over lunch. She told me that she had met a "nice guy" at this party one night but she wasn't very impressed by him or his looks. He invited her to have a drink his apartment and since the party was boring anyway she agreed to go.

To her surprise, his apartment was a charming place. The lights were low and not bright like in most apartments. Classical music was playing. And there was a large fireplace casting all kinds of soft, interesting shadows on the walls. She told me that suddenly she began to find this otherwise unattractive man more and more enticing.

I laughed at her story because I knew she was primarily responding to the sex cues in the apartment.

Yet most guys don't take advantage of purposely setting up sex cues. Their apartments are boring, stark, drab, or messy - hardly what would set a woman in the right mood for some hot sex.

Sex Cue: Colored Lighting

Good lighting can be just as effective as any mood-altering drug. With the right light, even the dumpiest room can be a place that encourages lovemaking.

Women don't like bright lights. Instead, you want to have low, indirect, and diffuse illumination that creates a provocative effect. Pink light bulbs are easy on the eyes and flattering on the skin. Red, orange, and yellow lights all resemble firelight. Using an "up" light from the floor with colored bulbs can create a dramatic effect.

Women get turned on in the presence of flickering firelight as well. Everyone looks more sexy and heroic in the glow of firelight. This doesn't mean you need to install a fireplace in your room. Just have some candles ready to be lit.

Sex Cue: Music

The right music can subliminally put a woman in the mood for sex. It's been shown that slow, "heartbeat" music makes our heart rate slow, muscles relax, posture become looser, and skin to conduct more heat. Music also helps us experience trance-like states of altered consciousness and let go of the normal, everyday distracting thoughts in her head.

Even if her response is not obviously apparent, she'll respond to music in subtle ways without conscious thought. Scientific studies show that people return to the same store more often when music that they like is playing in the background, even if they're not fully conscious of it. Scientific studies also suggest that music listening seems to encourage the release of endorphins that help to block out feelings of pain and stress.

So get yourself a stereo that can play CDs and place it in your bedroom. You'll want to get a multi-disk player that can handle three discs or more. And if you can create your own custom, MP3 file CDs on your computer, you'll want a stereo system that also plays MP3 CDs.

A budget stereo system for under $200 should get you a three-disc CD changer, a cassette player, and halfway decent speakers. This is fine for a small bedroom and you can find one at stores like Target, K-Mart, Circuit City, and Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, most manufacturers have made most of the inexpensive systems very bright and flashy, so if you want a more elegant, sophisticated look, you may end up paying more for a higher end model.

For an enhanced playing experience, and if you have the money to spare, you might want to get a package that includes a subwoofer and four speakers for true 5.1 Dolby Digital surround sound playback. True surround sound creates an enveloping sound field that comes from all directions for an almost surreal, immersing experience. Expect to pay $400 or more for such a system. Best Buy and Sound Advice carry systems in this range.

Sex Cue: Running Water

The combination of flickering candlelight with rippling water can create a uniquely spiritual, relaxing mood for lovemaking. Putting a candle next to rippling water also creates all sorts of interesting light reflections. You can usually find elegant but inexpensive fountains for as little as $20.00 in most malls.


These are just some of the more obvious sex cues you can set up in your apartment. Of course, all of the sex cues in the world won't get you laid if you lack any seductive skills, they can give you the extra edge you need.

Regards,

Derek Vitalio
Learn the Science of Seduction
http://www.seductionscience.com/

Why Do Women Show Absolutely No Romantic Interest In A Nice Guy (Like Me) Even Though They All Claim To Want To Meet A Nice Guy (Like Me)?

by Mike Pilinski
© 2003 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved
http://www.highstatusmale.com/



I suppose I could have titled this article "Why Do Women Show Absolutely No Romantic Interest In A Nice Guy (Like Me) Even Though They All Claim To Want To Meet A Nice Guy (Like Me)?"

Whew! Well, maybe not. It sure is tempting though -- because in my unexpected career as the internet's new "Dear Mr. Abby", I've gotten some basic form of that question many times over in the past few months, and I'm getting sick of it. So in the interest of suppressing my e-mail a little bit, let me show you my theory of why it is that nice guys are scorned by women everywhere, and how to get around this social handicap without having to take night courses in "How to be a Jerk" at your local community college (although I hear they ARE a great place to meet sexy young women... ;-)

I'm sure you know the infuriating mantra that you've heard time and again from women --either in person or on all these stupid afternoon talk shows: "...But Oprah, there's no one to date out there, all the guys are all such jerks and losers. I just want to meet a nice guy..." Oh how they love to whine.

Well if you consider yourself to be the "nice guy" these women swear they're looking for, but you strike-out with all but the very lowest end of the female food chain anyway, then you know what royal bull**** this declaration really is. Nonetheless -- despite the fact that most of the feral women (18-35) actually date & screw the drunken lowlifes and pricks they claim to hate -- they seem determined to drill it into our heads that this happens ONLY because the right "nice guy" hasn't come-a-stumbln' into their life yet. Rrrrr-ight.

Ok, here's what's REALLY going on. As usual, women are talking in code. (They are famous for this).

When women imagine "nice guys" in their minds, what they're really dreaming about is a guy who makes them feel SAFE... but in a very *special* sort of way that preserves his male sexual attractiveness. Actually, this is not very mysterious when you think about it from the *female* perspective. To a woman, a safe guy means ONLY that you're physically harmless -- nothing more. In terms of what you could do to her emotions, well... that's a different story.

This blend of hot n' cold, exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is what she is REALLY searching for -- this is what she *lives* for. It's what she thinks of as having 'chemistry' with a guy.

The problem with being overtly nice or lap-doggishly friendly and accommodating with women is that it communicates the worse kind of SUBLIMINAL message to them. (P.S. Everything IMPORTANT that goes on between men and women in the early stages of all romantic-sexual encounters is always communicated NON-verbally. Words may be the power tools of seduction -- but it's what you DON'T actually say with words that will make or break you!). Anyway, this lousy subliminal messaging is the key to why nice guys rarely get laid.
Here's why:

'Nice-guy' behavior is NOT something that women see you as "switching on" in their presence like some well-meaning but fumbled attempt to impress them. Instead, they believe that you've been TRAINED by other, *more powerful* men in your world to act this way!

In other words, 'nice guy' is how subservient men have learned to act in the presence of stronger men in order to protect themselves from harm ("I am no threat to your status as the more dominant male... please don't hurt me... let me be your harmless, lovable side-kick..."). To women, then, "niceness" is a screaming red flashing signal of LOW MALE STATUS, and therefore...

...it is an ENORMOUS TURN OFF to them!

This is why they can't develop any sexual energy (i.e., chemistry) with nice guys, and with good reason. Nature has hardwired the female brain to seek out the most powerful male to mate with in order to produce the strongest offspring with the best chance to survive. It's the same reason why men have been hardwired to chase after women who display physical signs of youthfulness (because youthfulness = reproductive success, or viewed the other way around... old ladies = reproductive failure... i.e., no eggs left in the carton, to put it bluntly). While male and female ACTIONS may be completely different, their GOALS remain the same -- strong healthy babies to carry forth the species. This is so because "maleness" and "femaleness" are really just two different but complimentary STRATEGIES for reproduction -- and men and women are compelled to behave differently in order to executed these dissimilar strategies on one another.

You see, Nature doesn't care about hurting people's feelings -- it cares ONLY about reproductive success in order to keep those precious DNA molecules traveling forward in Time. The dance of mating & seduction -- in all creatures -- is linked inseparably to this biological imperative. Go against it and you're flying in the face of millions of years of evolution (or maybe its design, who knows?). Learn to play by it's rules... and you will win!

* * *

Anyway, being the correct sort of nice guy to women really only means being someone who is A) safe, and B) a guy that she would NOT be embarrassed to show off to her family or close (judgmental) friends. Understand that there's a lot of latitude in there between a kiss-ass wimp and a complete psycho. Your job is to find that happy middle.

* * *

Alright, some practical application of theory. It's difficult to describe exactly how to go about handling the issue of being a nice guy, but here's my best try...

You never want to ACT like a nice guy around women, but...

...you always want to SEEM like one.

Can you get a sense of what I'm trying to say here? The problem with being nice is TRYING to be nice, instead of just LETTING it happen. You can't come across as an *obvious* a nice guy -- you just have to drop enough hints around women so that you SEEM like one. Never, *EVER* broadcast your nice guy potential to women like it's something that you're proud of! Yeeesh!

Here's a few examples of what I mean:

1) When you first meet a woman that you're attracted to, you must establish a NON-verbal line of communication in a way that provokes stirrings of instinctual mating thoughts in her subconscious "deep" brain. In other words, you need to transmit your interest in her in a man-woman sexual-potential way *without* actually speaking any words to that effect! Nice trick, eh? Actually it's easy... two ways in which you can do this are with extended eye contact and brief, non-offensive touches. Both casual, but unmistakable in their true meaning to her.

2) Drop HINTS about you're capacity to be a nice guy, but don't demonstrate it -- otherwise you will come off like a complete kiss-ass. Do this by A) slipping in suggestions of having strong family-friends relationships in your life (a sign to women that you're "connected & normal"), or B) that you have something exciting going on in your life -- either at work, as a hobby, or perhaps a recent adventure of some kind.

Here's an example from my own experiences. I used to work for a photography company. Sounds exciting, eh? Not really. The amount of time I spent with a camera in my hand was less than 5% of the total time I was there. I mostly did boring lab work and mechanical "McGuiver" tricks to keep a lot of old, over-used equipment up and running. But maybe a half dozen to 20 times a year, I got to fly around in light planes shooting aerial pictures around the Western New York area for various commercial clients.

So when I'm chatting up a girl, sometimes I'll work in a quick little anecdote that's drawn from one of my old flying jobs. Like how the snowpack collecting on Lake Erie forms such beautifully colored cracks in the greenish ice sheets during the height of mid-winter. But I make nothing more of it, all very nonchalant... and I DON'T fully explain how I came into the position of flying around the area and making such an observation in the first place. Is it through work? A hobby?... What am I involved in that would give me an opportunity to view this natural wonder? Business travel? What?

She's at least a little bit curious about me now, but she's not comfortable asking questions since I've just rolled over the subject quickly and she doesn't really know me well enough yet. Besides, (and this is important to understand) she LIKES not knowing! Mystery! Intrigue! I've suggested to her in an off-hand way that I'm a productive guy (safe & normal) who's into SOMETHING that's kind of fascinating and possibly making me good money -- but without revealing too much about what it is, and especially NOT explaining every last detail in the droll, somewhat braggartly way that is the hallmark of the boring-as- hell nice guy.

You can drop hints about family ("connections", i.e. I'm not a lonely, desperate hermit) or whatever in a similar manner to show her that you're an okay (nice?) guy without piercing the delicate bubble of MYSTERY that must envelope every seduction.

Now you're "in like Flynn" in terms of getting your foot in the door to her heart (this is only Step 1 remember). Why? Because she's made the determination in her *subconscious* mind (where it really counts) that you "seem" like a nice guy beneath an otherwise dominant male presentation of yourself, and that piques her interest immensely.

You are a rare encounter in the universe of men that breaks down into either sappy, boring "nice guys" or worthless (but, alas, exciting) pricks. Your stock has gone up at the moment it matters most... that make or break moment OF FIRST ENCOUNTER. No matter what "flaws" you might otherwise imagine yourself to have, you have become interesting to her in a way that AT LEAST she'll never categorize as friggin' "nice". NOW you have a shot!

Why Your Tribal Brain Makes You Nervous

Let me share with you a little secret about how all men's brains - including YOURS - is wired when approaching woman.

Have you ever thought to yourself, WHY do I get nervous or anxious when approaching a woman? After all, if you approach 5 or 6 new women every day, if you could be absolutely fearless and confident with women, your love and sex life would probably explode. So why would you get nervous and anxious at all -- seems like your brain isn't doing what's best for you does it?

Just take me, for example. Normally, I can approach any women, anytime, anywhere. Even if I screw an approach up, I usually feel fine about it and it doesn't stop me from making the next one.

However, last weekend I was at one of my sister's parties. The place was packed with single girls. Yet when I saw a girl I liked, I would freeze up and this little voice in my head would tell me, "What if you screw up... maybe you shouldn't do this... be careful!"

I just couldn't get that little voice out of my head and I left the party after only an hour because I was getting frustrated with myself.

So how come I could approach an anonymous woman on the street who I'll probably never see again, and yet feel anxious about approaching a woman at one of my sister's parties?

The answer lies in how humans evolved. For most of history, men and women lived in small groups of hunters and gatherers of no more than 100 individuals. If you made a move on ANY woman - and she rejected your advances - EVERYONE would know about it. And that would mean MASSIVE negative social proof with all of your potential mates. Because if one woman rejected you, you'd look like a loser to ALL of the other women you could mate with. You'd seriously jeopardize your ability to ever get laid again and have children.

So your shyness and nervousness is actually a DEFENSE to protect you from looking like a reject in the tribal setting. And that's why, when my sister and her friends were watching me that night at the party, I FROZE UP. After all, if I screwed my approach up with any girl, my sister and ALL of her friends would have seen me - and that would have looked really bad!

However, in today's world we DON'T live in small bands of hunters and gatherers. We DON'T have to worry about one rejection influencing all of the other females (potential mates) we know. In fact, in today's world, when we have the opportunity to approach a woman, we're COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS. We can screw up badly and there are ABSOLUTELY NO CONSEQUENCES!

So we've spent millions of years adapting to an environment where rejection from a girl could mean disastrous consequences - and only in the last few hundred years has the situation completely changed. In other words, what was once a useful strategy for being genetically successful (ie. being cautious when approaching women) is no longer a successful genetic strategy at all!

In today's modern society of anonymity, being nervous, shy, or cautious is DISASTROUS as far as getting laid. Shyness is a computer program in your brain, evolved over millions of years, that is meant to help you and protect you -- but now only hinders you. Times have changed, but your brain hasn't.

That's why you need advanced techniques that change the very core of your psychology from the inside out! And that's one of the reasons you need advanced seduction technology, including hypnosis and NLP... so that you won't be prisoner to millions of years of evolutionary programming like everyone else.

Regards,
Derek Vitalio

Learn the Science of Seduction
http://www.seductionscience.com/

You Became a Social Coward by Accident

- by Mike Pilinski --

© 2003 Kipling Kat Publishing Co. -- All Rights Reserved
http://www.highstatusmale.com/

I'll bet the following statement is true for any guy reading this who doesn't do well with the ladies: You don't really understand what it is you're doing WRONG that makes you so unattractive to women... for the *exact same reason* that "Casanova" who scores left and right with them doesn't understand what he's doing RIGHT.

Huh? Read that again if you have to. Both YOU and Casanova are essentially clueless as to why you ended up the way that you are in terms of your skill levels (or lack there of) when it comes to charming and seducing women. Of course, Mr. Casanova isn't unhappy about his situation, right? But you sure are.

Theory Time: I believe that both sets of behaviors which lie at opposite ends of the spectrum are the result of accidents that occurred when you were both just beginning to notice girls in a different light (sexually)... sheer random incidents which involved elements of good or bad luck, and nothing more.

It went like this: YOUR first trial and error experiences occurred with a girl that simply DIDN'T LIKE YOU (probably because of personal issues that had nothing to do with you, but so what?)

You thus ended up with a completely negative reinforcement of your early efforts at seduction and socialization. This awkward and possibly *shameful* first try at romance robbed you of the critical early confidence you needed to keep on experimenting and practicing your skills. It kicked off a descending spiral of inaccurate behaviors that led to more and more failures with women as time passed, further stunting your social development.

More failure resulted in a complete loss of confidence, growing social ineptitude and a withdrawal from the game of flirting and even attempting to seduce women. Your behavioral changes might've progressed to episodes of delusional thinking, dark fantasies, etc. In other words, your *character* changed to make it even less likely that you could successfully interact with women, and voila'... a "nerd" was born.

Casanova, on the other hand -- due to simple GOOD fortune and nothing else -- may've tried the exact same moves during his adolescence just as you did, but HE happened to choose a girl that LIKED him, and therefore responded to his fumbling first efforts favorably. Get the picture?... a positive reaction to the exact same inept moves that you made! Merely because of random good luck, he happened to choose to work a girl who responded to him in an emotionally reinforcing way.

This "big break" (that you didn't get) gave Casanova confidence AND positive social feedback -- which further provided a laboratory to fine tune his behaviors. Perhaps he even grew up in an environment that supported or encouraged those initial experimental behaviors -- a supportive older sister or a female friend that he could talk to in confidence whenever he needed advice? Someone to make the female psyche seem less mysterious and intimidating? You, on the other hand, may've grown up in an all-male environment where women seemed remote and unfathomable. Possibly your every move in this arena was met with scorn or ridicule whenever you actually tried to act, making you even more gun shy.

You learned to associate fear and paralysis with the idea of courting a woman.

Anyway, here's my point: Your downward turn could've just as easily have been an upward turn had your luck been good instead of bad with those first experiences. I believe that this element of LUCK is more pivotal in our lives that most of us realize. The timing of the luck is critical. It sets the stage for the interplay of key events upon which your self-image is manufactured in fits and starts. You see, there is really no fundamental difference between the Social Casanova and the Social Coward. Both are simply the end result of being turned in different directions at a critical point in their lives.

Stated differently, your current status as a social coward is all "nurture" (or in your case, lack of it...) and NOT "nature". You out there reading this trying to find some edge with women are no more genetically programmed to fail socially than the Casanova is to succeed... you both simply LEARNED how to do it as you traveled along divergent social-life paths.

Think about it... What if that first nervous reach for affection had gone differently? What if that first girl you ever asked out had said yes and became your "girlfriend" instead of laughing in your face and running off to tell her friends what a loser you were? Imagine how your social skills and confidence would've improved over the subsequent months and years if that time had been spent in social interaction (good, bad or ugly) with women instead of social isolation? It would've given you a whole different concept of yourself and made you an entirely different person than you are today.

And to think that it all turned on that one damned UN-lucky first break!

It's time to stop handing random chance the power to direct your destiny. Time to make a course correction back into the world of the living (and the socializing). There are techniques to make it easier than you might think, but it all begins with a decision not to let the faded echo of a long-ago negative event continue to shape your life. And until you make that decision, nothing will ever really change for you.