After coaching a lot of guys over the years (on how to be successful with women) and watching them interact with women in real-life environments, Ben, Stu and Dan have identified many things that will instantly KILL a guy's conversation with a woman.
In The Ultimate Guide to Conversation they've boiled the list down to 16 conversation killers and cover each of them in detail in the program. Today, I'm going to talk about 5 of those conversation killers that could save you from blowing your next opportunity with a woman you like!
1. Not using enough humor
Everyone likes to have a good laugh, true?
Laughing makes you feel happy, alive and present in your life. It reminds you to not take everything so seriously. When it comes to having a conversation with a woman, humor is the fastest way to make her FEEL GOOD and want to keep talking with you. Naturally, if a woman doesn't feel good, fun, positive, happy emotions when talking to you then she is going to get bored and seek stimulation elsewhere.
Unlike us men who may enjoy talking for hours about technical and intelligent topics (e.g. science, technology, finance, investing, property, politics, philosophy, sport statistics, cars, etc), when it comes to the DATING process and working out whether or not they like you - women want to you to talk about things that make them feel FUN, positive and desirable EMOTIONS.
Without the use of humor, the amount of emotion you can make a woman feel by what you're saying is very limited. This is why you often hear women saying, "I want a guy who can make me laugh."
So, what's the trick to being funny and using humor to make women laugh and feel good around you?
Humor is best when it is made up on the fly, while you are being real in the moment and listening to what is being said (and not said). To make sure that you completely understand how to use humor when talking to women, they've included 100+ examples throughout The Ultimate Guide to Conversation.
As you use those examples in your conversations with women, you will quickly understand how humor works and will instantly feel more comfortable cracking your own jokes in the moment. Best of all, the type of humor they teach is guaranteed to make women attracted to you.
One of the examples of humor from The Ultimate Guide to Conversation can be found in a section that includes 56 different conversation starters. Here's the story behind the humor example...
Stu was at a club one night and walked up to the bar to get a drink. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that the woman standing to his right began to primp and preen her hair. Assuming that she was doing that to look nicer in front of him, he turned to her, smiled and said, "Don't worry honey -- your hair looks fine...!"
She laughed and thanked him for the compliment (was it a compliment that Stu gave, or a bit of humor...or both?). Stu then continued by telling her about the MANY HOURS he spends blow-drying and styling his hair before going out at night.
The funny part?
His hair was shaved 'army-style' at the time...so, it obviously required NO styling at all, just a quick towel-dry and he'd be done. She saw that his hair was shaved, realized he was joking and was laughing pretty much the whole time he talked about it.
As I mentioned, humor is best when made up on the fly and that's what Stu did in that situation. However, to ensure you really, really understand how to use humor in your conversations with women, they have provided TRUCKLOADS of examples in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation.
2. Not listening enough
This is critical.
It's such a cliché to say "You have to listen". It sounds SO OBVIOUS and no doubt you've heard it 100 times before...but how good of a listener are you, really? The truth is, if you run out of things to say when talking to women - you are NOT a good listener.
Guys who struggle to keep conversations going with women usually spend MORE TIME thinking about how the conversation is going and what they should or could say next, instead of listening. This prevents the guy from allowing his natural INTELLIGENCE to come up with something at least 'half-decent' to say in the moment.
The best conversationalists LISTEN to the other person and THEN expand on what they've heard by offering their own perspectives, asking questions, making jokes and branching off to related topics.
I repeat: They listen and THEN they expand on the conversation. They don't try to prepare conversation while the other person is speaking. If this means that they pause for a second, or talk slowly at the start of their response -- that is FINE to them and to the woman. The point is: They LISTEN and everyone likes to talk to someone who ACTUALLY listens to them.
3. Worrying what she will think
A lot of guys who struggle with conversation choose to say NOTHING to a woman instead of taking the risk of POTENTIALLY saying something that isn't cool. Then, they complain that conversation is too hard and women are difficult to talk to.
Here's the thing...
Women ARE difficult to talk to if you talk to them in the wrong way. You see it all the time: Some guys just seem to naturally and easily connect with women and enjoy fun, interesting conversations...while other guys talk to women in an awkward way that causes the conversation to come to an end very quickly.
One of the things that causes this awkwardness (there are number of things that cause it, all of which are explained in The Ultimate Guide to Conversation) is worrying about what she will think of what you say. If you come across as though you are holding back on saying things because you are afraid of what she'll think, you can guarantee that 99% of women will NOT be attracted to you and your conversations with them will be awkward and end very quickly.
4. Being too pleasant or too nice
Most of us guys are GOOD guys. We treat people well and we like being GOOD...and that is a GOOD thing.
However, if you talk to women in a way that shows you are trying extra hard (even a little bit) to be extra pleasant or nice -- she WILL sense it and she won't like it.
Think about it...
Have you ever been talking to someone who was TRYING to appear that they were just being nice to you, but you could SENSE that they were 'up to something' and trying to 'get something from you' or trying to 'do you over', so to speak?
Of course, we've all come across those kinds of people. Here's the thing though: If you are PUTTING ON the act of being nicer and more pleasant than you usually are when you talk to a woman -- she WILL sense it and it WILL turn her off.
She won't want to keep talking to you, because she will know you're not being straight with her. Worse still, she will INSTANTLY and INSTINCTIVELY realize that you don't usually hook up with girls of her quality. She will realize that she has more value than you in the situation, so by talking to you (and possibly dating, having sex with you and entering a relationship with you) she will basically be doing you a favor.
5. Not using enough flirting
If you don't flirt with women, you will almost ALWAYS be seen as 'just a friend'...or worse - nothing at all. Flirting is not a 'should do' for success in conversation with women, it's a MUST do and cannot be skipped or overlooked.
They spend a lot of time talking about flirting and providing examples throughout The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. There are probably 70+ examples of flirtatious things you can say and do around women so they WANT YOU as a lover/boyfriend.
If you want to improve your conversation skills with women (including your flirting skills), I recommend you stop and watch this video about conversation right now.
Cheers
David Riklan
Editor - Self Improvement Newsletter
Founder - SelfGrowth.com
P.S. The video contains breakthrough information about how to use conversation to talk your way into sex, dates, love and relationships with women. It also explains how to keep conversations going and keep them interesting...that way, you won't be at a loss for words the next time you have a chance with a beautiful woman! Watch it here now.
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